One Thing Turned into Another

It all started with my elbow. You see, back in April, going on my 6th or 7th week with the new job, the customers finally started coming in like crazy. Things picked up suddenly. I found that the regular processing of a customer's purchase involved a LOT of repetitive motion. 

1. First get the pad with the hand-written order from the customer
2. Tear off the page and hand the pad back so they can place it on the table
3. Look up customer's company on computer program and begin typing in items
4. Once complete, print 2 copies of the invoice
5. On the credit card machine type in purchase amount
6. Grab the 5lb ROLODEX (yes an old fashion rolodex) to look up the company's CC
7. Type in the CC number
8. Grab clipboard to retrieve the last four digits
9. Back to the rolodex, finish typing in exp date, CVV code and zip code. press enter
10. Retrieve the 2 copies from the copier
11. Tear off the merchant receipt from CC machine and staple it to the top copy
12. Tear off the customer receipt and staple it to the second copy
13. Hand a clipboard with the top copy to the customer along with a pen for their signature 
14. Give them the second copy
15. Place the signed copy in the basket for the bookkeeper 
16. REPEAT

Doing these 15 steps 60-70 times a day for a straight 5 days without much of a break might help one imagine how I wound up with tennis elbow. And wouldn't you know, the office door handle was "catching" so I could barely turn enough it enough open the door. It became very painful, not to mention trigger thumb on the opposite hand.

I suffered with tendonitis pain and basic over-all irritation (neck pain, arm pain, tired of sitting all day long, missing the summer weather) for two months straight. My co-worker got me an electric stapler in efforts to alleviate some of the elbow problems. I rearranged the rolodex situation (I'll tell you more about the excessive strain on my eyes another time). I was wearing a compression sleeve everyday and night, until I saw a doctor who gave me some stretches and exercises to begin doing for the long, recovery.

Finally, however, I could no longer take the sticky door handle. The struggle was real. That's when my co-worker remembered that there was an extra door handle somewhere in one of the cabinets. WHAT???!!! We set out to find it and changed it out immediately. With that major accomplishment complete in less than 20 minutes, we wondered what else we could fix.

THE TOWEL DISPENSER!!!!

Back in June, The Boss had removed the outside towel dispenser when he installed a second window, and never put it back on the wall. So we set out to put it back up, however we were missing screws or something so decided to get back to it later. We found out the Boss wanted to paint before putting it back up. (He used scraps of plywood when putting in the window and never got around to painting it). I said, "Hey, I'll paint it. Get me the stuff and I'll get 'er done." Cuz I was B-O-R-E-D!!!

And suddenly One thing turned into another... and another and another... we are still seeing the sweater unravel even several weeks later.

Office Antics Part 1

Office Antics Part 2

Before we could paint, we were given a sprayer and mold armor to spray down the building. It just about turned my hair white with the back spray. And when spraying with the hose, the water started leaking inside the shack, getting the electronics a little bit wet. 😱. So apparently caulking would also be added to the list, as well as squeegee-ing the windows.

Office Antics Part 3

Office Antics Part 4

Office Antics Part 5

And then all our plans for the day were dashed.

Office Antics Part 6

It's weeks later and the job is still unfinished, although what we initially set out to do has been done. LOL

The New Job

Before I got this new job my former job was music directing musical theater and I loved it. Of course, all things "theater" came to a screeching halt in March 2020. So I sat at home, trying to keep myself occupied. I played music quite a bit. I painted. I danced with my dog outside using a ball or a frisbee to train him to spin and come forward and backup. I made videos. I read the Bible and gardened, and cleaned out the attic, and scrubbed the kitchen cabinets, and tackled the office. I dejunked and decluttered. I spoke my truth on social media, and participated in zoom calls. But most of the time, I sat.... And I sat... And I waited... and sat some more. I mean, I walked the dogs about 8 times a day, but there was also a lot of sitting. I was bored.

Almost a year later, a job opportunity arose and I just couldn't sit any longer, so I called up for an interview and they hired me. It's an office job. It's pretty much a LOT of sitting and its also a bit boring. But I'm getting paid!!! I have a co-worker who has quickly gotten into my heart. He and I along with the owner are all crammed into a shack, each at our own station with a computer, tall office chair, a stapler, credit card machine, tape, scissors, a copy machine and a phone. 

There's an office barn cat. FLUFFY! The owner is "her person."

She's fifteen and to be honest, Her Person has a very odd and quirky relationship with her. He's constantly informing us of what Fluffy says and what she wants, and how she needs to be held and petted (although she only likes him). Everyone in the office addresses their comments and sighs directly to Fluffy... "oh Fluffy." She's commonly used for personal distressing. 

Fluffy has a basket on a shelf by the window. It's fully equipped with her person's neck warmer--for the scent-- as well as a dish towel that probably hasn't been washed for two years and a heating pad for extra warmth (mainly because Her Person keeps the office a frikkin 65 degrees!!). Her meow-er is broken. It sounds more like a croaking frog or a 100 year old lady or something. When she tries to use it we just see her mouth move, but nothing comes out. When sound does come out, I can tell you, she's definitely screaming profanities at the world. 

Her Person sounds like a broken record every morning, "Fluffy, go to Karen, she neeeeds you to help her find something to do!" He then proceeds to explain to me for the hundredth time the proper way to hold her (so that she can't get away) and to force her to receive all the incessant petting. "She likes it behind the ears,"' he's demonstrating, "and really dig your nails in, because she loves that!"

"That's OK." I respond with a smirk. "She seems perfectly content with you." I swear, he says this solely because he feels a sense of satisfaction that Fluffy only really wants him and no one else.  I told him I was completely fine with that. I have two dogs at home who adore me.

He also tends to do a LOT of teasing and poking and lifting her up to the ceiling, all for the fun watching her panic, and she just comes right back to him, demanding to be scratched and rubbed some more and fed treats. And before long she's screaming her demand to be let down to the floor, and out the door she goes to sleep a sunny spot. Her Person, throughout the day, snatches her from her sleeping spot and brings her back in to keep him company. I don't think she appreciates is all that much. 

Oh Fluffy... I really don't care whether you like me or not, cuz I know that when no one else is in the office, you let me hold you and you purr quite loudly. And I understand the difference of when you're screaming to be fed or when you actually just want to go outside to sleep, NOT to be poked or disturbed every 5 minutes. I gotchu, cat. I gotchu.

Rating My Musical Theater Experiences

ACTING On Stage

Naked Stage Marathon-- I was scared and rusty in my acting, but it was a great encouragement for me to keep going. I was not happy about the Violin Maker's Daughter (someone's original musical). The music was so abstract and I regret now that I didn't go with the character choice I really wanted to play. I was too shy about it. Totally insecure. If I ever did it again it would be a way different situation.

Anything Goes--I was excited and happy playing the purser. I found it a challenge in that I was a woman playing a role written for a man. And the fact that a purser wouldn't have been woman during the era the show was written for, just made it hard for me, but still it was a fun show with a great cast.

Ruthless--This show was a total thrill and hilarious, but some things happened... with reviews... which left me personally encouraged but super confused, that and the fact that a few of my friends actually didn't like the show.

Grease--These were fun times but I was "slightly" frustrated with the MD.  and the hubby's reviews weren't great. The biggest kicker was that I had to sing a duet with my scene partner who just couldn't sing it on pitch. SUPER frustrating.

Our Fabulous Variety Show--I was somewhat uncomfortable in my position, of crossing over to music directing, but happy to get paid for the first time.

Fifty Million Frenchmen--I was nervous with my directors, not feeling like I was doing anything well. I was not thrilled with my scene partner and just insecure, but the experience was so good for me. Some of my friends said they loved me in this role best.

Victor Victoria--This was one of my most challenging shows. I loved it. The ideas were brilliant. The dancing was sooo cool. I enjoyed helping with the music end in rehearsals, but we didn't pull off the show very well. Needed more time and a lot more money. I also had lyme's disease by showtime and was really suffering.

Joe Sent Me--This show was low key for me but I played an enjoyable character and found the book very interesting, my director friends' original. Another crossover for me into tastes of music directing.


HIRED as Musical Director

Working--I was asked in late to this one because of an MD dropping out, and took the position in my very "green and learning" state. It was not a bad first time thing, but I cringe a little when I think about it. The show had a lot of talent and was done very well.

Grease--I was still green and unassuming. I felt quite intimidated butI knew the show. I just had to figure out how to adjust a Broadway score for middle schoolers.

Best Little Whorehouse--I was gaining confidence but was slightly ashamed of the content of this show, but loved the pit band antics.

High School Musical--There were some difficult cast elements, more challenges with adjusting things for the younger voices, but the experience wasn't so bad overall... kind of.

Night on Broadway--This was an easy one because I basically accompanied rather than MD'd with a cast of only four (two of them my own daughters). Very proud of this one and the first full musical theater production for the school... at least in a very very long time.

13 the Musical--One of my top 5! It was a great show, great cast, and I felt appreciated! Somehow parents knew the role I played and I received many thanks and cheers.

Snoopy--This was a wonderful cast, but an exhausting experience with some personal disappointment at the end. Wish I could forget them HA!

Fame--I was unhappy, under appreciated, and not a show I would want to do again. And I could only see the dress rehearsal of this one, because I was playing another show. So its a hard one to judge fairly.

World Goes Round--One of my top 5! I loved doing this, enjoyed the cast, but felt very sad that my husband didn't have the appreciation for it. Had the best small pit band camaraderie!

The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee--I loved this show, worked really hard, felted a little stressed out and had some personal disappointments. I wished I had known about gathering a few more for the pit band at that time.

Fantasticks--We had obstacles and challenges plaguing rehearsals for this show but it was still a good one. Interesting experience. I got to play with a harpist, but sure did miss my bass player and drummer.

Shrek--This show was so much fun, a lot of work, a lot of music, but it was a good one. Loved the kids.

Rent--One of my top 5!! I adored working with cast and director. Pit band antics were great too. This was a hard one to let go of. It was such a heartfelt heart warming experience for me. I was named Karen the Queen of 2016 LOL.

Best of Broadway 2016--Rehearsals were difficult and a little strained but loved this show.

Little Shop of Horrors--Oh I truly enjoyed teaching the music for this one, and especially loved seeing my girls shine. Added another favorite bass player to this pit band and it was a good time. Stressful though.

Dirty Rotten Scoundrels--It was a fun show, good cast, lots of driving! A learning experience of conducting a bigger band from the keys. Successfully done though.

First Date--I have to say I was unhappy, under appreciated, super frustrated. There were reasons but I'll leave that unsaid. It was the pit band of despair. They weren't bad (could have been better) but such a major headache trying to put a pit together for this show. The cast basically ignored me until the opening of the show and then suddenly they appreciated me and would have conversations. It was the weirdest thing. I couldn't wait for it to be over.

Catch Me if You Can--One of my top 5!! Super show, super cast, super direction, amazing pit band experience. A big personal learning curve to have a band of 11 professional musicians and to conduct them from the piano. It was a very challenging score--scary but so fun.

Little Mermaid--This was a decent experience overall, but I became super disappointed at showtime and how things unrolled for me, although the performance was terrific. There were a lot of adjustments happening for a variety of reasons, but the underlying feelings that I experienced around showtime still make me feel a little sad.

In the Heights--One of my top 5!! The music was so much fun to play and really difficult to teach. The performances were amazing and high energy with super crowds. My learning curve was steep for the latin/hip hop score but I conquered it and LOVED IT!

Best of Broadway 2017--For the rehearsals the struggle was real not just for me, but for the team. The shows went well in the end, but it was a struggle to the bitter end and it took the fun out of it. Kids these daze... So much work for the production team and so little help, understanding or appreciation of that. We had our few cast members who did actually make it feel worth the journey--the ones who actually cared about the show and brought everything they had to the table.

Bring it On--We are still in rehearsals. The struggle has been real here as well, but its fun music, I adore the cast (on most daze and when they show up) and we've gotten creative with how its going to be presented. I feel terrified! regarding all the logistics, but it always comes together, right?! Its another scary score, but mainly because of all the electronic hip hop samples and sound patches to use. Its another learning curve. I enjoy learning.

So why is it scary to learn?

The Struggle is Real

There's a lot!!!

Today, I really felt like I was at the END of my game. I was very tempted to give up. Discouraged. Frustrated. Really, really mad and on the verge of angry tears at several points. Of course, I'm not going to give up--win or lose. I just don't renege on my commitments. I don't even want to renege, but there has been some real stress and discouragement.

There are a lot of things at play in my game. First off, which I probably shouldn't even mention, is that I'm turning 50 and hormones are whacky. Seriously though, everything has been at an even keel up until about last week. I mean, I've had a few rough times with my aging process over the last few years, but now... I think I may be in for some mirky waters ahead. And it pisses me off.  I don't want to have a year long battle, or even six months. I had six babies!! Give me a break, dear Jesus. I can deal with a few weeks or a month and be ok, but I'm just a little scared of what "crazy" I may have to endure. I'll be alright. Surely. People just need to be nice to me and try to be understanding... And give me hugs, because I probably need those more than I let on.

Since last week, apart from hormones, there have been hits to my heart.

• I've learned that one of my dear ones, who grew up with my kids, got into some trouble. Smashed up his car and all... and I don't know what to do or how to help. My heart hurts so much and I feel overwhelmed, because I just don't think I'm the one who can help. I have that tendency to always want to run to the aid of all those I care about, and yet, its not always me who can, or should. So, I really hurt when I feel helpless. I can pray. 
• There is also someone else who I had been reaching out to, who fell into some trouble and I also can't get in touch with. Oh my heart. The vice tightens.
• I had a personal issue come up that caused me to question a lot of things, mostly about myself. Then I questioned the person who caused the things to surface, and the thoughts went round and round in my head... over basically inconsequential things. It'll all work out in God's timing, so "Karen, just stop!"
• Also, there was someone very dear to me who found an opportunity, just the other day, to share a devastating story which took place in her younger years. The account struck me to the core. I'm so glad she was able to share it with me, but oh my heart!!!
• So, today my mom told me, that my dad, after having a biopsy on his elbow, had to have further biopsies done because the tests came back positive for melanoma. He will have surgery soon to remove everything they found, and now we are fervently praying and believing for complete health. This news probably hurts my heart the most. I may just have to take a trip to Florida once these two April shows are done.
• Lastly, the shows.... I guess I will mention my struggle with the two high school shows I'm doing. Basically, I feel like I am FAILING!!! I just can't seem to motivate the teens--and they are the ones I enjoy working with the most. So YEA! We had great success with the last show, but now, halfway into the next batch of rehearsals I feel like a total failure. Usually, at this point in the rehearsal routine, I am the optimistic one, giving positive vibes to the director and all those around. However, this is not how I feel today. Its me who needs a boost of confidence. I'm not sure if this lack of optimism is because of them or me, but something is off and I can't figure it out. I feel really down about it and at a complete loss. I need some encouragement!!!

I am going to press on and lighten up. Life happens. We go through joys and pains, highs and lows. We work really hard at things and we take time to rest (at least we should). Mostly, I want to enjoy the people I am with, but also those I love, who I can't be with regularly. 

But oh the emotional roller coaster and hormones makes me NOT want to be with people. Help Me!!

What Motivates You?

I am feeling a bit unmotivated, since this past week or so. Ever have those times? You're cooking along and finding success and joy in the work and suddenly everything shifts. I've talked about how this happens for me in my line of theater work. I'm still busy with two new productions,  and usually when I'm moving at a fast pace I stay pretty motivated, but for some unknown (and other known) reasons, I'm struggling to turn it on full throttle. Actually, no. That's not completely true. I launched in full throttle to both productions. I've laboring to prepare and organize, excited to work on the next new thing.

So, why have I started to find my motivation being sucked out of me? Let's think about it. Maybe you can make your own list when you find yourself struggling.

What motivates me...

Working with and teaching people (of any age) who are genuinely eager to focus on a task together.

Being with people who take what I give and give something back in return. But equally in the reverse order: being with people who give me something, which I receive, and in return take what I give. The give-and-take relationship motivates me a lot. Its that mutual appreciation that human beings share which ranks high on my list of core values.

I love when I see people being awakened to the concept of sharing their energy. For example, while acting on stage together, and I put out my interpretation/expression of the thing I wish to communicate and then you say yes to it, giving me something back of equal value, equally energized. This happens with acting but also with music, dance, art, writing, humor, etc.

I'm also motivated by someone else's hard work and success. I get drawn in. I love to cheer people on; show my support; give my attention; acknowledge the "graduations" of life; celebrate the victories.

What robs my motivation...

Being around people who just don't care.

Being under-appreciated for my time and effort.

Being around people who act like what they are doing is a waste of time. (If its a waste of your time then don't do it, and especially don't join me in what I'm doing with that kind of attitude).

Being around people who only care about themselves, and indicate that only their own interests are important.

A lack of communication or simply being misunderstood, based on differing communication styles.

People who are super needy and allow their insecurities to come out sideways.


I'm not sure what's going on lately. I've been hit with sad news from a handful of different people in my life which weighs me down with waves of emotion. I want to help. I want to fix. I want to communicate. But I'm reduced to prayer--which is probably the best thing I could do anyway. I was recently struck by a certain "old annoyance" that sometimes rears its ugly head. That trigger-issue has to run its course, because its not something I can change. I have to deny myself the right to be angry or judgmental. If I truly want to walk in love, I have to be patient and trust God. The struggle is real.

And then, this all leaves me to wonder if the planets' alignment has been doing a number on all of us recently--haha. Maybe its just me.

Hoping for a better week and a productive month!!

Theater Tales | What I Did and Didn't Know When I Was Young

Music directing for stage productions is a very good fit for me. I did not see that coming!!!

Middle School

My first time participating in a full musical production was in my 7th grade at the middle school. At least, that's the first one I really remember. I was cast in the ensemble and soon after, was assigned a minor, minor role. It was my first time having a libretto, or getting real choreography and being costumed, or doing a show with a live orchestra pit. I got a kick out of the whole thing. The show was Bye Bye Birdie and I LOVED the experience. (I also remember getting a major crush on the pit drummer who was a sophomore in high school--I'm sure the crush continued on for 3 years).

My next experience came soon after--maybe the summer leading into 8th grade. This program was open to a broader age group and I am pretty sure it was directed, and choreographed by real theater professionals. The show was a Broadway revue and WOW I loved that whole experience, also. My favorites were songs from West Side Story, Godspell, Hair, and Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum (favs because I was in them--haha). I had an ensemble role, but they liked having me on hand because I was very skilled in reading music and singing harmonies and filling in wherever needed. I just didn't have a strong solo voice, but I could dance, and I had "great" stage presence and could help anyone who struggled with singing parts because of my piano skills.

My third experience was also at the same theater doing a production of The Boyfriend. Another great great time where I actually had a slightly bigger role as Dulcie, and they allowed my character to speak with a lisp and a British accent. HAHA. Its funny how this show was not quite as memorable for me. Probably because I didn't have as much time to see everything else that was happening on stage. I had my own lines and songs and character role to worry about. Plus, 8th grade is a very hormonal stage in a girl's life. I do remember having a smoking-hot red asian-style dress (from pictures).

High School

Ninth grade was the high school production of Brigadoon. Ensemble again for me. Not very memorable.

Tenth grade. We did On the Town. Ensemble. Plus a small monologue. Memorable and fun, but still I had a small part so I didn't really grasp much and I mostly remember my crazy, rollercoaster, emotional life during that production. I was not exactly behaving at that point.

Tenth grade class play competitions--SOOO HILARIOUS! Very memorable.  Other things I was involved with--ShowChoir. Very memorable. I had small roles in everything I did, but I my parts were not unimportant. I'm not sure whether I realized any of that then--probably not. I do remember that my personality had a similar effect then as it has now, which tends to bring the happy, crazy, fun atmosphere most of the time, along with occasional bouts of "steam and frustration." (Those angry rants were WAY worse as a teenager, so be glad if you know me now instead of then).

Leading into my eleventh grade I moved from NY to TN and had a whole new experience with music. MARCHING BAND! My new school, Ripley High, was the marching band Mid-south champs for several years in a row and they/we were really good! Memorable. And chorus competitions!! I ended up being scouted to become the chorus accompanist which I LOVED! (This Yankee girl was a mystery to everyone). Becoming the accompanist was a great opportunity, and little did I know than, a needed piece for my future.  Show choir was awesome. We did this whole performance from Michael Jackson's Thriller album and I got to dance with boys. haha However, Ripley had nothing happening in the theater department my junior year.

In Twelfth grade, My two favorite teachers decided to produce a play and I was cast as the lead role. Wha?!! Up the Down Staircase. Ever hear of it? I got the LEAD!!! Honestly, I knew very little about acting, but I had some natural talent and decent stage presence. It was a memorable and scary experience. Sadly, I don't think anyone video taped it. I've only ever seen a few photos, to help maintain a vague picture of things in my mind's eye. I wish I could look back on some of these events. Cell phones and social media has turned our world upside down. It's weird to think of how it used to be.

College

At college, because I was very immersed in my classical music training (piano and voice) and my spiritual life... and my social life, I wasn't very aware of any theater program on campus until my second and third year! My voice teacher, along with her husband were the heads of the opera department, but I was in no way an opera singer. I left my vocal lessons crying and deflated just about every week.  I did not have the physicality or basics in my "tool belt" to sing the way she was trying to teach me which was very frustrating. I disliked my voice. It was weak and breathy and small. But somehow, I was always a section leader in my choirs because I was excellent at reading music and harmonizing and my tone and pitch were great for blending. I had strengths, but they weren't helping me be a great solo singer.

I auditioned for music ministries the end of my freshman year and didn't get into the summer program. I'm sure I cried about that. Lots of disappointments and reality checks. The second summer I bypassed music ministries and went straight to the missions program and ended up going to India for two months with a team of 12 students. Best experience of my life. We were a music/drama team and I can't even begin to tell you what an incredible adventure that was. POWERFUL!!

Near the end of my junior year, after my big junior piano recital, I auditioned for a student-directed show: Snoopy, the Musical. I was cast as Lucy. I had also auditioned for music ministries and suddenly was faced with making a decision between the two because, the rehearsals conflicted. Sometimes I regret not doing the musical, but I choose the spiritual thing(music ministries) and traveled much of the northwest US and Canada all summer in a van with a great group of students. But truly, I missed being in INDIA all summer long!! side note: my future husband was the one leading the India mission team that same summer (another big story to tell some other time). I missed my piano. I missed the whole summer of preparing for upcoming my senior recital. And I regretted the fact that I missed some opportunities which set me back in ways I didn't foresee, but nothing that upset the entire course of my future. That was still going to happen--in whatever way it would.

Life

All of my growing up, and my growing pains helped shape me into who I am today. Here I am, almost  50, and I'm doing something I would never have guessed in all of those younger years. Music directing for stage productions is a very good fit for me. I did not see that coming!!! I totally enjoy it and I'm pretty good at it. I like teaching music. I like shaping characters and being part of a production team. People are my absolute favorite thing on earth. And I kind of understand the psychology of theater, especially in school settings and the community theater settings. So, that makes the position fit me even better.

Musical theater can be tough. Sometimes its brutal on the self-confidence. But the lessons we learn can be our best friend. Getting cast or not getting cast; having a lead role or winding up in the chorus--once again; It can feel very personal.

But here's a tip or two: Get to know yourself. Get to know your skill level. Make improvements by taking lessons or classes or (hello) by practicing! Get to know the types of roles you could actually pull off in a believable way. Study the field by attending other shows and watching things on youtube. Video tape yourself, so you can see/hear what the audience sees/hears. Put together an audition book with songs and monologues that are good for you, so you'll be ready when an audition pops up. Get to know the important things about casting, and a director's point of view... it makes all the difference.

Growth can't rushed either. So embrace life as it comes. Do your best always, but don't sweat the disappointments for long. There will always be a future with fulfilling and satisfying experiences, but only if you embrace life honestly. Search for the truth in everything.

God knows your future and what you were created for. Ask Him about it. #lovinglife

The Past Four Months in Photos

I take far fewer photos these days. And these are all iPhone pics. It makes me a little sad, but the reasons are because of technical and mechanical difficulties in which I have no time to deal with or fix. But since today is a snow day... I decided its also Photoblog day. If I have anyone left who still reads my posts, I'll catch you up.

October into the November

Our South America travel plans made into a large poster

Fun times rehearsing Catch Me You Can in an alternate rehearsal space

Dog bites and crazy times

Pit Band of Despair for First Date (we named ourselves)

AMAZING pit band for Catch Me if You Can

The rhythm section

Our South America Trip

Peru: Got through our first customs check point of the trip 

Peru

Peru: Machu Picchu

Peru: Top of the Climb

Chile: Whitewater rafting

Argentina: Iguazu Falls

Argentina: Iguazu Falls

Chile: the Banados' home town

Patagonia: Horseback Riding in the beauty

Patagonia: jaw dropping beauty

Patagonia: 9 hr hike up Torres del Paine

Patagonia: Glacier sighting as the storm began to clear

Patagonia: the view from our cabin

Chile: Valparaiso and its amazing graffiti artwork

Our airport goodbyes as we part ways with our OK contingency

Christmastime to Now

Fun with little hands

Jennah and I are Broadway buddies always

Some of my awesome high schoolers cast of In the Heights

Some kitchen crew for the Youth Group Steak Dinner Fundraiser

Some of the crazies who came to the dinner

My dear friend Lil brought me to see the second to last show on Broadway of The Color Purple--WOW!

some panoramic views from our trip

My girls and hubby in NYC, Time Square going to see a show

Loved this show

Celebrating the New Year with friends

Back to Time Square with the youth group

Taking Caleigh and her buddies to an Escape Room Game

Saying goodbye again to my surfer boy Nate who will be working on the slopes at Mammoth Mtn

Playing in the pit for the middle school cast of The Little Mermaid 

About an hour ago from when I created this post and we still have 12 hours of storm to go.

The Glamour of Musical Theater

Sometimes, I wonder if I should even be in this field of musical theater. I've been music directing shows for local schools and community theaters since 2011. I have about 18 shows under my belt as MD. It has not been a long career or a TON of experience, yet, but I learn quickly. And before I was doing this stuff I was doing other things like raising six kids. But now, with only one chickie left in the nest I have taken on six shows for this year. It's a lot of music to learn. Its a lot of music to teach. Its a lot of different people to work with and very different experiences from one program to the next. Each director is different. Each show is different. Sometimes, I work with adults; sometimes its middle school or high school. There is a range of juggling acts I have to perform, and its certainly interesting.

I enjoy what I do A LOT... well, usually... on most/some daze. And then there are those times when I feel very small. Under appreciated. Unimportant. Invisible. It SuckS! I HATE THIS!!! YOU PEOPLE CAN JUST [blah blah blah]!!!

I'm not a diva, but I do need to be appreciated and supported in the role I play on the team. When I am ignored or taken for granted or constantly finding that my input is overlooked, I tend to get angry and shut down. Its a very simple thing for a director to include me in the plans, to simply talk with me every once-in-a-while, or to appreciate my work verbally on occasion. And God forbid the director say something appreciative or acknowledging about music director TO THE CAST so that they see the support. I have seen with my own eyes the difference that makes! My contribution IS valuable. ANY music director's contribution to the production is of great value!! DUH. The director will find him or herself hard-pressed to make a musical happen without someone teaching the music and providing all that the MD provides throughout the rehearsal experience, all the way to and thru the run of the show. Its just common sense, but you'd be surprised...

My personality is easygoing and fairly calm. I make my work seem easier than it is. I work hard at home to prepare. I get along with people and make it a habit to try to understand where individuals are coming from; what makes them tick so I can help them as best I can. It really brings me joy when I work with a group who embraces me wholeheartedly, and gets all they can out of the theater experience, including grabbing ahold of the fun part of who I am, and the friendship I offer. I'm social so... I want the genuine connection. I guess that's why I enjoy working with schools and community theater.

There are, of course, the varying styles of leadership in a director. I work with all different types. Some have had years and years of experience. Others are new at it, with lots to learn, and sometimes even if they are new at directing they've had a ton of theater experience and are naturally brilliant. But the best lesson a director can learn, or should I so my best experiences have been with a director who appreciates and acknowledges his/her team--especially to the players. It creates a positive environment for the cast and for everyone. They should do it early on in the process, and continue to do it periodically, so that when they need to make "withdrawals" i.e. asking for extra work, making music changes, communicating something long after they should have, etc. there is something already deposited in the account from which to draw. Appreciation is so important. Even a simple "thank you" can make a BIG difference... as can the LACK of verbal appreciation. HINT:

DON'T BE A STUPID IDIOT BY FORGETTING 

TO GENUINELY THANK YOUR TEAM!!! 

I'm sorry. Does that sound bitter? You may be on to something.

In all honesty, I don't need to be devalued at this point in my life. I can do other things with my time. Its hard enough that in only a few short months, I am facing an "emptier" nest than I've ever had. I have enough reasons in this stage of my life to cause me to struggle with being sad; happy, but sad. If this theater cycle is going to compound the sadness, I'm not sure I should stay in it. Hmmmm.

Perhaps I just need to press through! Maybe I'll find this as an important season of growth in my life, one that won't necessarily keep cycling back around as a "thorn" the way I fear its going to. The rollercoaster ride of emotions is super difficult for me. How much can I endure? I'm not all that tough. When it comes down to the facts, I'm a people person much more than a career-oriented person. However, if my career can also double as a passion, that is a great thing. If it also lends to fulfilling my mission of loving and caring for people, even better.

I think I'm going to take this year of productions to see if that's the case--that this is a season of beneficial growth, because I do love what I'm doing (when its a good working environment). I think I will also be more careful about who I choose to work with. However, that is easier said than done. Choices are limited.

Life as I Know It

I certainly don't write enough for my own good. Its been therapy and a creative outlet for me since I was a teen. But, Lord knows how many times I've gotten myself into trouble by writing what I thought needed to be read--you know, expressing my thoughts; trying to passionately prove some kind of point; wanting to encourage someone or give advice; venting frustration through humor and sarcasm (this one gets me into trouble the most). Today it just feels confusing. I have way to many thoughts and concerns flooding my mind.

My rehearsal season is going full throttle and I'm only feeling loosely connected to the people who know me best. Its been busy busy busy so I'm not getting a full "download" from my friends, nor are they getting mine. I think about all the kids I know who've gone off to college for their first year and are feeling a similar loss of connection. Everything is new and different and they are now in a position where its time to develop some new relationships. And that just doesn't happen overnight so there's a gap. And it doesn't feel completely comfortable and connected yet. Of course, once I get comfortable with my new "circle" the production suddenly comes to an end and the rug is pulled out from under all my newly developed friendships, which leaves me to try reconnecting with my tried and true friends for a brief moment, only to start all over with a new cast and new set of rehearsals. VICIOUS CYCLE!!

Anyway, my youngest of six (Caleigh) is in 9th grade now!!!!! She's not the only one left at home presently, but come winter, my two oldest boyz (Luke and Nate) will be off on their adventures, Not sure what adventure Anika will decide upon, Jennah and Liz are off at college... so it may just be Caleigh and the dogs left at home for Terry and I. WEIRD! I'm sure its good that my schedule is filled for the year.

I'm finally leaving the organist/pianist/vocalist position at the Methodist church. Its been nine years and 5 pastors. The memberships remains a solid 20 people and I'm ready to return to more of the style of worship I enjoy. One of the pastors a few years back, wanted to bring the more modern approach of music and teaching to the Methodist congregation, however, it really didn't go over very well. It was unlike anything they knew and he was rather abrupt about it. Some of the younger crowd actually loved having a modern style of music and a modern day message which challenged their walk of faith, but those other ones who have been around for years and years held on tight to certain traditions and passionately resisted the change, or at least they didn't understand it and made noise about it, so the underlining battle ensued. It wasn't pretty in the end. Ugh! So, pastor #5 has been plugging away these past 2 years, trying to help the church to grow, but I'm done! A few more Sundays to go and I will officially be out. Truth be told, its never easy for me, at any church. I've been around the block. I've seen and experienced a lot--both amazing and awful and everywhere in between. I'm not sure what I want to do next or what God wants me to do at this point. But I know that I am spiritually dry and want to return to a place of richness that I've known in my personal walk of faith. Worship through music has been a big part of my connection to God. Not sure how to get back... or discover the newness of it. But I will say this as a side note: trying to present a style of modern worship music to a group of people who are completely unaccustomed to anything besides hymns may just end up feeling like a "funeral dirge" to them. Yah, that's what someone said yesterday about their experience with it 3 years ago. I kind of felt spanked! I'm sure I'll understand it all better when I'm 80. Hopefully I will also remember how I feel about it now, at (almost) 49.

I have many other things to write about, but this is enough. I have to go practice more on the two musical scores I'm rehearsing for this fall season. First Date runs Oct 13-30 and Catch Me if You Can runs Nov 4-13. I will have six straight weeks without a SINGLE night off. I'm scared.

P.S. This is one of the views we saw back in August when we dropped Liz off to college in San Diego--Point Loma Nazarene University. This is her campus. AMAZING!

It's Just How I'm Wired

I know that people use that phrase as a "cop out" for their stupid behavior because they'd rather not better themselves but make excuses about being a poorly behaved human being. That isn't how or why I'm using the phrase. I do (almost) always want to better myself. I truly want to be a decent, kind, caring, godly person. There is a constant desire to repair my mistakes or at least find the root of a problem that causes me to fall and ask God to help me change. I know where my help comes from.

Let me say that this has been a weird and challenging stage in my life. I'm in a transition state--I'm between things which bring a lot of angst and joy and anxiety and excitement--so my focus on the spiritual things hasn't been completely fervent. But that's life. For me personally, things are always moving and shaking, which causes a lot of ideas and emotions to swing back and forth in the journey. I've learned to just keep walking through the stormy times and it will right itself. The path will be made clear once again. I just have to keep myself from giving up and laying down in a mud puddle of misery or frustration.

Many events over the past several daze were stressing me out, not necessarily bad stress, just stress. But now that they have happened it feels good to have them out of the way.  Here are a photos from a few of the events.

BANQUET

Liz went to her boyfriend's senior banquet. We parents who were taking lots of pics all piled into the RV with them to drop them off at their destination (which was clever and hilarious and inexpensive). I enjoyed being a part of that and taking over 600 pictures--have mercy!

The parents--taking a cheesy prom pic. Sohailah stepped in for Terry who was unable to come along.

Here they are... The DREAM TEAM!! Too much fun.

GRADUATION

My FIFTH child of six graduated from high school. She was definitely the happiest graduate on stage and so excited to be done with the high school life.

This was her celebratory chicken dance to get her diploma. haha Love this girl.

We all made it to the graduation (including one set of grandparents and my college roommate). Not only is that a feat in itself with a family of 8 but the fact that graduation happens at the end of June when the Hamptons come alive, means its difficult for them to get a weekend day off from work. So cheers to everyone for making it out to celebrate with our Lizzy and Michael.

My boyz! Birthdays are big this year.  Terry just received his AARP card in the mail--50!!! and Luke should see a reduction in is car insurance rates starting today--25!!!! Woohoo discounts all around. Happy birthday!!

Our Michael also graduated and was the second happiest on stage immediately after Liz. haha. Michael lives with us as part of our family. We love him dearly.

His other family loves him dearly, too. We are all so proud of our graduates.

It was bedlam after the ceremony, trying to get all the pictures I wanted, but as usual, we were the last to leave the school grounds.

Next up, party at the Hochstedler's, only a few daze away. I have to keep taking deep breaths and not letting myself feel panicked about it. Really?! Who cares if things aren't perfect--its a freakin pool party that's going to have great food and good times together!!! The work overwhelms me a bit and we've been so busy all spring that its been difficult to have any time to get our back yard looking decent. I'm not even aiming for perfect... just decent.

PARTING THOUGHTS 
...on another note, cuz its still bothering me

I do my best to give people the benefit of the doubt, hoping to receive the same in turn.  I teach my kids to try to do this also, but share with them that there may come a time in life when its wise to avoid pa person who is not safe to have in your life. I aim to be a safe person for other people to have in their life, but that can't always be the case, so c'est ce que c'est. There are seasons. When I need a break from a person (which doesn't happen often), I don't expect anyone else to jump on my bandwagon. I think that is just dumb. Its been the struggle for a few of my 6 kids who have all gone to this teeny tiny K-12 public school in Bridgehampton, but boy isn't that the worst part about high school drama? The person who feels they need to get everyone to jump on with their offense, so that the one person really feels punished. Talk about bullying. I'm not a fan.

My 4 older kids who have gone on into their adult lives encourage the younger two that college life and beyond is sooooo much better. And it really is. However, truth be told, that nonsense can still happen anywhere at any time. Adults can purposely or inadvertently ostracize a youth, a friend or co-worker, etc. I'm not even above it, regardless of how much I hate the scenario. Its something to watch for in myself for sure. Maybe we all should watch for it. This has come at me from so many directions lately but I think I just need better sleep.

THE END

Epilogue: Here's my bestie, Sohailah, roomie from college daze. I was so happy to have her around this whole past week. She knows me and gets it when I'm stressed. And sees when I'm pained about something and is a genuine support to me. I appreciate her immensely.