Behind the Waterfall

This is where I should have gone as soon as all the major festivities came to an end. I could have had a meltdown in this place and been completely comforted and calmed--perfect peace which transcends all my thoughts and understanding.

How many times have a poured out everything--given all I can give, maybe spreading myself too thin--because of wanting to experience, together with others, life at its fullest? Just for a moment. Just for the joy of it. But even when I tell myself to "be ready for when its over," I'm never quite prepared for the loss I feel. The higher the climb and greater the joy, sometimes means the harder and more painful the fall.

I had forgotten all about climbing behind the waterfall. Its been a long time since I'd been to the top of it and took that leap. Instead of knowing what to do this time, when I reached the end of it, I got caught underneath the enormous pressure. I was caught in the undercurrent and felt pounded; unable to breathe or be released from the turmoil. I panicked! Even though I've been through all of this before, I didn't prepare to be hurt. I didn't plan my exit strategy. And let me tell you, there is a lot of garbage stirring around at the bottom of the falls. I think I was trying to clean a lot of it up while I was down there, too. Not possible. Big mistake. Not my job. I was getting entangled and trapped and it caused an even greater sense of desperation.

I've been grasping for someone to help me, to rescue me and somehow find a way for me to come up for air, but it wasn't apparent to anyone where I was. Drowning. Its simply not expected for this to happen. People go on there way and don't think twice about my personal leap. My screams for help go undetected or get misunderstood. The waving arms, the stomping of feet and pounding of fists, is misjudged. I feel deeply the disapproval for my actions. The enemy of my soul uses everything to war against my mind and emotions. The lies he feeds me. The shame. The loneliness.

Behind the falls I go, where the Lord can battle the enemy for me. He will steady my heart and my mind. He will take away my shame and raise me up with Him once again, because He loves me.  He gives me renewed strength and I wholeheartedly put all of my trust in Him.

Drama! Drama! Drama!

Here's the cast singing their final song of the show "If Just One Person Believes in You"

Opening song "The World According to Snoopy" with Jennah playing Snoopy

That's me (Schroeder), playing the Overture

Here they are singing one of my favorites "Edgar Allen Poe." Lizzy is in the middle playing Charlie Brown.

"The Vigil" being sung by Linus with Snoopy and Woodstock staying with him in the patch until the Great Pumpkin arrives.

The peanuts gang see all kinds of shapes in the clouds for the song "Clouds" and poor Chuck gets sung over every time he tries to say what he sees. Cute number.

What a fabulous time we had preparing for the show and performing it.  Its become super clear to me that kids have (we all have) plenty of drama in our lives, but it makes such a difference to have the opportunity to express it on stage. Its a lot more positive to be dramatic and express emotions and thoughts in a show, than to create ridiculous drama in real life with senseless scenarios, potentially bringing others down for no good reason. There are lots of people who absolutely NEED drama in their lives. They are addicted to it even. Its dysfunction at its finest. I say, "Do yourself a favor and get involved with theater!!" It takes a lot more commitment and character to apply yourself in theater, than to stir up trouble among your community. However, self created drama is easier and more natural. It doesn't require character development, so the people who truly need to find a better outlet for their drama, usually won't find the theater. Its sad but true. Sometimes, some of the most emotional and dramatic kids really only need an outlet to perform, where they can receive attention in a positive way. Other kids won't take that step, and they will ultimately grow up demonstrating dysfunction in all of their relationships. They will teach it to their children as well.

Don't get me wrong, there is a ton of dysfunction among performers as well, but just think of what those crazy theater people would be like if they didn't even have the stage as an outlet. HOLY COW THAT WOULD BE BAD!!! hahaha All I'm saying is that there are a lot of kids who need the opportunity to perform in the dramatic arts. And its wonderful that the Bridgehampton School is providing that opportunity for its students now. Hooray!

Anyway, "coming down" from this show is going to be tough, even personally for me. I've spent countless hours working on the music and a bunch of other aspects for this program. Its been a great time for me!!! Its what I enjoy doing. Terry asked me what the next big thing was that we should be getting ready for. All I could come up with was Jennah's graduation, which isn't until the end of June. There must be something ELSE happening in between!!!  Not just the mundane regular stuff... (Oh wait. I just thought of something).