Not Much to Do Around Here

These kinds of stunts are what fill the mundane life with color. I wish my kids remembered that every time they felt boredom. "GO DO SOMETHING CRAZY! but stay within legal limits, please."

I think I'm going to ask Nate to start entertaining me with stunts, I'll record them on my NEW iPHONE, and he can feel that his life is complete on a regular basis as he makes them into videos. I may even use the videos to market him for colleges seeing as his grades aren't all that impressive. A 70 average in gym??? For REAL??

(He claims its because the teacher doesn't like him. I claim that you just can't taunt the less athletic kids every day in class and think you will get a good mark for sportsmanship or character. And although it may seem hilarious to throw two boys into the showers fully dressed... you will get in trouble for that).

43 Today!

Is this about when you're suppose to start counting backwards?

My dear, dear friend Sohailah (she "gets" me) posted a birthday post about our adventures together. Check it out. She tells stories and shows old photos... Love her!


She's showing the hair on her chin. Can you see it?

Sometimes...

I just want to tell someone exactly how I feel about a situation: tell 'em off, so to speak. But, of course I don't. The desire to tell someone off usually kick starts me into working through challenging thoughts and emotions, until I can communicate my point of view in a reasonable manner.

Periodically, I'll find that I've run up against a personal struggle that no one can quite understand about me. Being that I'm a verbal processor, I need to talk things through or write them out. This goes with the expense of being misunderstood or avoided or forgotten about because people don't always have the time. That certainly will cause me to feel down, and frustrated, or just plain angry. Today has been one of those daze...

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Sometimes I wonder how so many of my college friends have been able to lead their own teenagers to such awesome spiritual health whereas my oldest ones don't show much interest to seek things out on their own? The community could have a lot to do with that, but some people don't put that into thier consideration. (I'm referring to a recent conversation where I was inadvertently told that some of my college friends have judged me and have basically blamed our teenagers' bad behavior on the parenting? I'd love to have THAT conversation face to face... but that leads me back to my first paragraph).

Walk a mile in my shoes please! Although, I don't think that would matter anyway.

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How many times will I pour myself into an organization, based on the sheer fact that I believe in them and want to help build and assist, only to get beaten up on some oddly personal level that only I would understand? Why did God wire me this way, and is there some reason that I must get sucker punched by people with whom I trust and respect, or by those I've stood by and even defended during times of controversy?

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I'd love to have a few friends who would totally understand why certain things bother me the way they do, rather than being made to feel like I should be able to just brush it off. But my life's history and my life's journey simply cannot be completely comprehended by anyone else but the Lord. He totally gets it! I wish I could hear HIM better.

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I wish I could explain it ALL to "you-1" but when I do, you make it your mission to try and fix things, and I don't want that. I appreciate your care and concern, but despise the fixing tendencies.

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And then there's "you-2". You've obtained 350+ different hats that you are constantly wearing and changing, but the only hat I wished you'd wear with me is the one you've obviously outgrown. It's almost awkward for you to even wear it anymore when it used to fit so well... and
I had one just like it. When I saw that you weren't wearing yours anymore, I think I may have given mine away.

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Of course, I share everything with "you-3", but I don't always want to.

Sometimes I'm just tired of the whole thing by the time we get to catch up on things.

Sometimes you hardly notice that I'm bothered because there are other things blocking the view. I don't want to fight for your attention. I don't want to need it.

Sometimes I do need it though. I need to be allowed to sound-off, at my own tempo, with my own dynamics and my own interpretation! but I know once I start in you are going to attempt to "conduct" what I'm saying. You'll try to zero in on a different element of my piece, one that allows you to challenge mine or balance me out or sound-off your own variation of the scenario--even though I'm the one who has been dealing with the issues at hand for several hours already. You think you are joining me, helping me, when actually you have taken over and voiced your thoughts to the point of self-satisfaction. And after that I don't want to talk about it anymore.

Sometimes I have a different set of issues bothering me than yours, and I just need to have someone understand me right where I am... not change me, not interpret my problem, not balance me out, not anything. Just allow me to find the answers the way I need to find them.

Sometimes...

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME! :-/

Bits and Pieces of My... um... Life?

The PTO Back to School BBQ on Thursday was fun. Look at those GORGEOUS PTO WOMEN!!! There are others who should be featured in this blog, but one of them stuck out her tongue when I took the photo... so, I'm sparing her from further exposure! (You can see Melanie on FB).

Anyway, it was not a particularly amazing event, but it was a very nice time to get to know some of the new teachers and staff as well as the new parents. I LOVE Bridgehampton School (ask me why), I love the PTO, and I love when there are newbies!!!

Mitch was visiting the Hamptons these past few daze, and I had to force him to go shopping for a pair of jeans. He hates shopping and I can totally empathize, but I can also be a support for the person who needs to get just get that dreaded shopping over with. He was a happy camper once the deed was done. (Anyone want to know his jean size)? heee--blackmail. We also had a really great "music session". He recorded me playing a handful of selected songs on his iPhone so he could learn and practice them at home. When Mitch is around the Hochstedlers all spend a lot if time laughing and talking and reminiscing. Between Mitch and I, we both relate on this theater level where we become really excited about new songs that could be THE NEXT SONG to win an audition in the near future. It's a little more exciting for Mitch than for me. He auditions for Broadways whereas I audition for local theater (that's where I give hours and hours of my time for NON-PAYING roles). Once he lands his big one, we'll be paying lots of money to see him perform.

Yesterday (Saturday) Jolene had her mandatory, post-arrival orientation, which was in Westchester co. That's about 3 hours away. We happen to be on the very far-east end of the "chapter". We definitely drive the farthest for these gatherings. It's ok. We knew what we had signed up for. So Jolene, Anika and I headed there in the morning and actually, I really got a lot out of it. We all separated into groups; the parents, the American siblings and the foreign "siblings". I must tell you--I definitely have THE BEST student of the group (not counting the mishap with the arm, cuz that's been a bummer). But Jolene is super great to have around. I didn't have anything to complain about like some of the others. LOL! (Btw, she said she didn't have anything to complain about us either). I found it very interesting to listen to the other parents speak of their experiences. Fascinating! I can't stop thinking about it.

Basically, I can see so clearly how every person is unique and every culture is interesting. And if you think about it, cultures vary from family to family within a community and within a country... but! I'm starting to believe that all teenagers go through this interesting and challenging phase "adolescent phase" no matter where they come from. Our world has become so much smaller and quite post-modern (or whatever it's called at this point).
We could have gone with the group to a Native American festival after the orientation, but we decided to find our way into NYC and wander around a little bit instead. We so adventurous.

Anika has been talking about getting her belly button pierced since her birthday in August. She wanted it immediately upon turning 16, but got a bad spider bite, and then mono (AGH) and the piercing was being seriously frowned upon by her father!!!! So it didn't happen. I kind of thought she has dropped it. No. She was still thinking about it. I, being the one who has a nose piercing, didn't really have a problem with a belly button piercing. It's not like she wears all these mid-drift tops, trying to show off her waist line. She's not like that. Thank God!

So....
Guess who finally got her birthday wish...

Ok, funny and ridiculously inappropriate story... we went into this tattoo and piercing place on St. Marks St in the East Village (after walking and looking and walking and looking--ayi yi yi) and it was a clean! So we went in. We got to the counter and she was picking out her choice of jewelry and I was looking in the glass counter at the line up of sample piercings... I was focused on the actually jewelry, wondering if they had a new nose ring I might like. I was struck by the interesting types of "hardware" that people use for piercings. I was pointing to one of them, asking Jolene, "I wonder where you would wear that one?!" Meanwhile, as my focal point back out a little, I realized that the samples were piercings on various... um... sex organs!!! OMG!!!! hahha ROFL!!! I am so naive sometimes.

Anyway... uhem... Anika's BELLY BUTTON piercing took all of 60 seconds and we were out of there. She is so proud of herself.

We then found an amazing restaurant that served delicious Argentinean and Spanish food. YUMMY!!!
Those were crepes. Jolene said they were really good. Anika had chicken and basil mashed potatoes.
I had empandas and datalinas. Soooooooooo good. It was a good day! I enjoyed it. Exhausting but good.

We visited a costume shop because the student council is hosting a halloween dance. The clique was talking about crashing the dance dressed in super hero costumes!!! Or maybe characters from the wizard of oz! This store had them all! Meanwhile, we count down until our glorious "The Cliques Goes to Vermont" Trip, Part 2! We can't wait!!!!

Was that You, Mr. President?

I'm not big on answering the phone. If someone calls and I don't recognize the number, I don't necessarily feel compelled to pick up. When the home phone rings, I figure there are 7 other people who live here. It's probably not for me. Someone else can answer... but everyone seems to have the same attitude unless they recognize the number. We usually know who it's for based on caller ID.

Sometimes, during the day, the home phone will ring. Nine times out of ten it's the school calling. The other time, it's my mother. HAHA. But if its someone else and I'm working on a project, I figure, there is a lovely answering machine. They can leave a message, and if it's for me I will likely call back shortly.

This morning it was as if the president were calling and NEEDED to get a hold of me. First my home line rang. I didn't recognize the number and I was sorting through some things, so I let the machine get it.

No message was left.

Within about 3 seconds, my cell phone rang. I couldn't find it, but I could hear it ringing. I was rummaging through my new purse pocketbook SHOULDER BAG to no avail. Anyway, I was still busy sorting those 3 seconds later.

Caller did not leave a message. Huh!

I did happen to find my phone plugged to the charger on the floor. Oh. And wouldn't you know, it was the same number with a (607) area code. About 3 seconds later the home phone rang again. Same number. I was getting annoyed, so I refused to answer this time... but maybe the caller has decided to leave a message.

NOPE!

You'll never guess what happened about 3 seconds after that? My cell phone rang AGAIN with the same number!!! WTH?

I was tempted to answer the phone by screaming, just for the shock factor, "WHAT?!?! I'm sitting on the toilet, for Pete's sake!!! Can't a person have a moment??" Seriously. Why would someone call four times in a row and not leave a message? If I were taking a shower, I wouldn't have heard the phone ringing anyway.

That kind of phone behavior triggers me. I get a little steamed. This stance comes over me from somewhere in my former daze, "I won't be controlled by any person through the phone." And I hate when Caleigh's friends call over and over and over, several times in a row, without leaving a message. OBSESSIVE!!!

I realize that the caller was most likely a politician wanting my vote in November, or a survey maybe, but regardless of who was calling, do you think I have a problem?

I looked up (607) area code and it showed Ithica, NY. I don't think I know anyone from there. Was it you? If it was, next time leave a message please.

Random Things

Nate borrowed my camera yesterday for a few shots of the surf. Nice job Nate, although I did have to straighten most of them.
Photo tip: when a horizon (or vertical line) of some form runs through a photo one should try to keep that line level or plumb in the frame.

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My new shoes came yesterday. Suh-weet.I'm very excited to wear them, but they aren't for casual attire so it'll probably be Sunday before I can try them out. I'm still waiting for the arrival of my "HANDBAG" aka purse aka pocketbook depending on how hip with the times you are. Just wait until you see me after my birthday!!! I will be decked out in fabulous attire. I "handed over" my mall purchases so Terry could give them back to me for my birthday. A haircut would top everything off. (No pun intended).

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Today feels like a weight is pressing in on me. Somehow I have gotten linked into this October field trip that the entire school is taking. That is fine. I can easily do a field trip, bring my camera, enjoy the day. But my thoughts and ideas also were requested, to help figure out ways to feed everyone. Why'd I even start to answer that question with anything besides, "Heck if I know!" [heavy sigh] It's not hard to "hook" a person like me, who tends to be a gap filler or an unhealthy problem solver. A FIXER! I don't WANT TO FIX!

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I'm also getting hooked into a photography gig. I like the idea, but I bet it will take a lot of my time with no major benefit in the end. The past photo gigs I've done for the school (sports team), led me to spend many, many hours on those projects only to have the players not even take advantage of what was being offered. I've come to find that these photo gigs ended up being a total waste of my time, except for the sake of the yearbook and maybe about 5 people who've ordered. I'm a sucker! The pictures were good, but the kids just didn't care to have them. [sighs]

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Last week we were blessed with a very nice king size mattress for free. But, it remains in our living room leaning up against the sliding door... blocking almost all of the natural light from coming in. We either need box springs or a platform bed so it can go into Anika's room. After all, she is presently sleeping on a futon bed which is NOT comfortable. I did already buy king size sheets. [more sighing]

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I have paperwork to do. And bills. And another trip to DMV today, because yesterday was a complete FAIL! There's vacuuming. And dusting. And trying not to have hurt feelings or concerns about a variety of things, swirling around in my mind. Trying not to worry about an upcoming mini vacation. [AGH]

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Also, I don't have a good head shot. This musical theater class Anika and I are taking, which starts next Monday... well, the application asks for a head shot. It's just bothering me... but really, WHO CARES! Seriously. I think I'll just send in a family photo instead. (Oh wait--I'm not even sure I have one of those handy--one that I'm actually in). Mitch will have to do a trade off this week. I'll record rehearsal music for him and he can take a few head shots for me. The family photo shoot will have to wait.

There is More than One Way to Bath a Dog

Caleigh and Samara had many creative ideas flowing yesterday, I was told. They even bathed Samara's dog. HAHA

Who's Going to Close the Pool?

It's full of acorns and turning green again. No one even steps foot out back at this point, because the weather has turned Fall-ish and they are all doing they're homework. (Everyone has lots of homework to start off their school year).

A big storm came through last night. Our gutters have been full since last winter, so... well... it's a mess. Everything is a mess all around the house. Mud just splatters up from the ground where the gutters hang, which is over the doors and windows. And instead of it being a work day on the home front this weekend, its another volunteer day at the school's greenhouse. The following weekend is a mandatory post-orientation for Jolene, somewhere beyond the city. I don't know how or when the pool is going to be dealt with. BURDEN!

This past Monday morning I was clued to an audition for a Cole Porter musical, which was happening Monday evening. It didn't take me long to decided that I should go. I didn't exactly have long to decide! I spent the day getting "some" work done but trying to prepare something to sing for the audition. They asked for a Cole Porter, which I didn't exactly have in my back pocket. Very few showed for the audition, but we still had fun. I think I did well... I guess. Anyway, when hearing that rehearsals would be M-F, 6-9 for 4 weeks, I woke up the next day on a mission. I had to get things done at home and be prepared and make sure the house was in order, so no one would ever have a reason to "forbid me" from doing another show. I vacuumed like a crazy woman (I finally got the vacuum part I needed which I suppose inspired me) and hunted down all the spider webs and dusted, etc. I even MOPPED!!! It was a serious cleaning day for me. Laundry, changing sheets, scrubbing bath tubs, scrubbing the kitchen, cleaning window sills and windows and fans that have been running non-stop all summer!!! NO ONE EVEN NOTICED!!! They were all busy doing homework. I had dinner in the crock pot so I could go to at least one of Jennah's volleyball games before my rehearsals kicked in.

So someone tell me... how I can swing doing the pool closing and cleaning out the gutters too. You may ask, "Where's Terry? Where are the kids in all of this?" Kids are doing homework (haha--but not Nate). Nate did mow the lawn... but he's also still working at the restaurant and MAINLY PLAYING!!! Terry has been bringing in the jobs--WOOT WOOT. It's been a very, very good month with lots of blessings on each bid that's gone out, each one coming back with a "YES". So that, and him taking two Saturdays to donate time for the school greenhouse construction... this Saturday-time is a big sacrifice. It's our own crucial time for getting the outdoor work done... but I can't fix that. We make these sacrifices because we feel it is part of our duty within the community.

One good thing for me is the postponement of the show. It was going to happen in 4 weeks--hardly any time at all to "make it happen"--but its been decided to move the performance dates to January 6-9 & 13-16. The roles will be cast later, after a second audition in October (and yes, I have been called back). Things just had to be changed midstream so more interest could be drummed up. I've been on my drum.

As for today... I'm going to see how many acorns I can net out of the pool. More will fall before the day is done, but we'll be one step closer... every step helps, right? Even if it goes unnoticed.

Oh What Did I Do???

Dear Gray, 3/4 sleeve, slightly fitted, button down shirt, just purchased from H&M,

I was so glad I found you that day last week at the mall. You weren't the most inexpensive shirt I've ever purchased, but you looked nice. I needed you... for church! Since we've met and I brought you home, you have already helped me during this seasonal weather transition. Maybe your color doesn't bring out my eyes the way another color might, but I like you.

Oh shirt, please forgive me for cooking dinner last night while wearing you. That minor splatter of oil just had to land right on the front of you, just above the second button. I didn't even have time to change either. I had to wear you with that spot all evening.

I made sure to put you in the wash this morning, though. As I was changing the clothes over from the washing machine, I looked all through the wet clothes to be sure I took you out to hang dry rather than going in the dryer. After all, if you shrunk a little we may not fit as well. Please understand that you are the ONLY piece of clothing that I have made an attempt to keep out of the dryer... so when you weren't in that first load, but rather the second, I completely forget to look for you. And darn it all if you experienced the full-scale, "most dry" setting. I am so sorry.

I sure hope this experience will not be the end of our relationship. I can't imagine that I've outgrown you already.

BHS on the Cutting Edge

Great endeavors have been made to create a career academy at our school. It started with a landscape architecture design class. Over the past 4 or 5 years it has taken off. The class has designed and built a garden on the school grounds with the intent of coming closer to having a sustainable lunch program. (Actually, I don't have all the language or the energy to explain it... but here are some pictures of the greenhouse that's being constructed at the school). I'm so excited!!

There are tons and tons of peppers--in many varieties--as well as many other vegetable plants and some flowers, too. But the greenhouse was built where the larger part of the garden grew last summer.

Here's the greenhouse!

Those are worms! The teacher, Judiann Fayyaz is showing the students how to create a worm farm using compost. So KOOL! (Darryl can have a real feast now).

There's BJ in the yellow. He and Doug DeGroot have headed up the construction of this building.

I'm so proud and grateful for the wonderful, intelligent, motivated and caring people we have in our community. Teachers, admin., parents, students, local businesses, YAY!! Thank you.

Liberty or Death

I couldn't even get a clean shot of the NY Stock Exchange with it's huge American flag. That yellow China flag (whatever it stands for) gets to share the square. That's fine. This is America. This is New York. And I'm not a huge fan or follower of the stock exchange anyway. I just loved the flag. It was a tremendous size. I would have appreciated a clear shot.

This is the skyline view of Lower Manhattan, taken from the Staten Island Ferry. It's not the best view at all. It's kind of industrial looking from this side. But the Twin Towers should be there! THEY SHOULD BE THERE!!! It was such an unbelievably insane act of Islamic terrorism. And yes, it highly offends me that there isn't enough respect or remorse being shown for that act, that a group of muslims would consider building a mosque down at ground zero. I am opposed. I am more than a little distraught. I think about the Germans, who are embarrassed and ashamed even today, of their country's history regarding Hitler and the Nazis. Many Germans were opposed to Hitler and what was taking place in their country and wanted the madness to stop. Their freedom to opposed the madness was stripped away. It took a while for the world to believe what was really happening. Many who opposed lost everything and even their lives.

I haven't seen any kind of remorse or sorrow from the Islamic people about 9/11 or many of the other horrors that islamic terrorist have performed. Not once. Please show me, if you have. Yes, I know that it is said and believed that the muslims who perform the acts of terror are extremists and there are many peaceful muslims who live peacefully together with us, yada, yada, yada. I know that is true. But where is the muslim leaders among those peaceful worshipers who would lead their peaceful "masses" to a vocal outcry against the extremist?? Why don't they break away? Which muslims are the ones who stand opposed to the violence and hatred of those in their own faith??

What I see is more and more hostility towards America and its freedoms. More hostility towards those who do not trust the Islamic teachings (and rightly so, they don't trust the teachings which have blatantly been the reason for so many acts of terrorism in our world). The freedoms are taken away more and more from those of us who feel that the threat of Islamic terrorism continues to grow stronger and there is great concern. Meanwhile, the Islamic faith, as it becomes increasingly radical, is blindly embraced in the name of diversity and completely protected in the name of freedom, right under our own American flag.

And I see our president, who has completely different views than mine, along with his media groupies, leading our country further and further away from true freedom every day.
I'm kind of shocked. The pastor who was going to have his 50-member church join in a ceremony to burn a quran, I think to "commemorate" the horror that happened 9 years ago on this date, has now said there would be no burning ceremony today or any day. But he has been blamed (even by the president in yesterday's press conference) for creating a more hostile and dangerous environment for our soldiers on the ground in Iraq, as well as much hostility in our nation and around the world. (What about the hostility that started because of the WTC being bombed by two hi-jack planes and another one hitting the pentagon and another one going down in PA, which is why the soldiers are even in Iraq, not to mention the fact that the muslims are gaining a welcoming hand to build a mosque at ground zero??) Oh... but its this pastors fault that there is hostility. PUH-LEASE!!!! If it weren't for the mainstream media most of the world wouldn't have known a thing about that fringe, crazy pastor and his church.

Adding even more drama to the picture, as I watched the news this morning, was that the pastor has basically been put on house arrest for the entire day or maybe two. ARE YOU KIDDING ME???

Great Way to Start the School Year

NATE HATES SCHOOL!!!! It's been one day so far. He's a senior and the poor poor boy doesn't do very well with rules! You have to be subtle with him. You have to somehow make him think he's making up the rules himself in order for it to be "ok" with him. And gosh darn it that the school didn't confer with him about the rules for this year!!!

He lost his cell phone to the teacher only after his first class yesterday. He was calling me to see if I would come up and sign a paper for him which would allow him to drive to school. So, the rule about not using any cell phones in school "is stupid!!" because after all, he was only calling his mother. Now he has to have a meeting with the principal before he can get his phone back, and yesterday the principal was too busy to meet. Great way to start the school year!

Jolene, of course, has an amazing attitude. She broke her upper arm on the second day of volleyball practice after being here for only 2 weeks. Jet lag and culture shock had barely subsided. The break was very painful and we've had to do a lot of follow up visits, even to the city. Tomorrow she'll have to miss school, which is only her 3rd day. It's because of another appointment. I know that she will do fine with school and everything. She can even tie her shoes one handed already. But still... great way to start the school year!

Anika's had a busy summer. She has totally enjoyed her friends, which had expanded this summer beyond the realm of Bridgehampton students. She worked many hours as a hostess in a restaurant on the wharf, saved all of her money like a good girl, but right around the time Jolene had her accident, she showed me what we thought was a mosquito bite that had gotten infected from scratching it. In one day's time it was looking a lot more like a spider bite. In another day's time... brown recluse spider bite. Sheesh! Not good. I got an "emergency kit" and began treating it with activated carbon and herbs. The bites have just about cleared up, but the areas where the adhesive from the bandages were on her skin, have developed blisters. AGHH!! Allergic to adhesives? And then... then... her throat started to become extremely sore. To the doctors again. The blood work proved positive for mono. The poor, busy, socially active girl ran herself down. Now she is attending school, but can hardly concentrate for wanting to go to sleep. Great way to start the school year!

Jennah is fine with school. Elizabeth is her normal anxious and excited self. Caleigh... well..., Caleigh likes school and loves her new teacher, but the adjustments from school to summer and summer back to school are miserable (for me). It must have taken a good month for her to settle down once school was out. And now that summer has ended and she's back to school... aaaghhh! I wonder how long it will take her to settle this time. I don't want to know. Please just shoot me now.

Labor Day Walk

Mama Gots a Big Toe Boo Boo

The party--our regular Sunday night with friends--started around 5 pm. I had to do a quick run to pick up Anika from work and grab some ice and plates from 7-11. I had 4 bags of ice, two in each hand, and was reaching for a pack of plates and cups. Suddenly several extra items fell off the shelf to the left of me. A large can of bugs spray fell smack on my big toe. (I'm a flip flop girl). The edge of the can. POW!

OWWW. ow. ow. ow. I left the fallen items behind and brought my things to the counter--ow ow ow--as tears came to my eyes. (I know, Sohailah. "Karen's crying again??? She must be starting menopause or something). I was in PAIN people!!! Trying to hold back the tears, I cried all the way home and then some. OOOWWWW! I tried to pretend all was fine as our peeps were arriving to party. [fake smile--Hey--fake smile--oww]

After a while we all had tons of laughs. I think I was literally screaming with laughter a few times. I love those times.

My toenail is all black along the bottom and the toe is swollen. I'm sure I'll survive, but I'm beginning to think I should start keeping a tally of all the crap that's been going around vs. the blessings. Sump'in ain't right!

Many Added Family Members

I was thinking about the various young people God has placed into our family along the way. There are always kids coming and going (and no they don't always live and sleep at our house), but the ones I'm thinking of today are the ones who have spent a large amount of the time with us, even though they have their own homes and their own families.

We love Michael. He's an extension of our family. He has his own family here in the neighborhood, but he's also one of us. He even gets to do chores. My rule is, if you eat dinner with us 3 or more times a week, you get to help with dish duty.

Of course, we have Jolene with us for the year from Germany. It's a good thing we got her to make us a delicious meal right away before she broke her arm. It will be a while before we can put her on dinner duty again. :-( Mitch gave her something to write home about, "Crazy Americans, Mutter." She's a very good cook so let's all pray for a quick healing.

Ainsley was a common member of the family for quite a while. We enjoyed having him around... and then he kind of grew up and had to deal with certain things where he wasn't around our home much. I miss him. I pray for great success in his life. I'm sure he'll come around again. He's off to the big leagues of college life.

And then there's Pablo. He holds such a dear place in my heart. He was around for quite a while. He slept over often and was definitely someone I spent a lot of time talking to. We had a few bumps in the road because of boyz misbehaving in those early teen years... but now that they've all "grown up" it's a delight to see him when he stops over. I look forward to seeing where he will go in life. I believe he will find his way, even though the road has not been easy.

Ahhh Gabe. Gabe has been a BIG part of our family since he was about 7 years old. Now he's 15. For most of those years he lived across the street, but when he got a little older and his family moved across town, he would sleep at our house 5 nights of the week. I don't see as much of him anymore. I guess now that Luke is in college and Nate's never home and Gabe works a lot too... when he does come by, he still gives me a big smile and says, "I need a hug from my mom." He'll always hold a special place in my heart. I hope he remembers all the important stuff we shared with him. Gabe will always have a place in our family.

They all will.

I don't know how or why God chose for my life to be so full and so blessed... and so overwhelming at times. (I thought I was going to break down last week). I do know and believe that God is so good and he won't give me more than I can handle. I've learned over the many years that I don't have to try and control the lives of these young people he puts with us. I just need to love and care for them... and sometimes give them a little guidance when the opportunity avails itself. I even let them see my bad side sometimes, because I'm not superwoman and I do stress out at times, too. Whether these young people ever get it or never get it, we're just living life and embracing it as it comes. It does take courage to take these kids into our hearts and homes, but I don't think we're doing anything more valiant or amazing than the next person in line.

Sometimes it just helps to remember the history, in order to keep present-day things in perspective. It'll all be worth it in the end. (I hope).

Is this Up? Or Down?

Seriously. I'd like to know.

I'm not sure how much more I can juggle.

I won't bore you with all the details, but in a general sense... in an "up or down" sense... I'm juggling:

• unexpected and expected bills for car repairs and college expenses
• youth group held at our house this evening after spending 7 hours in the ER
• an unexpected 2-hour counseling session last night, that brought up a lot of heavy issues
• waking up at 3 am several nights in a row and not being able to go back to sleep for another hour or two
• the dreaded brown recluse spider biting one of my daughters in two places--AGH!
• a bad break to the humorous (the bone in the arm between the elbow and the shoulder) for our new addition to the family--heart breaking day watching her experience so much pain
• providing (trying to provide) childcare for a friend's kid during all of this
• huricane earl threatening to hit NY in a couple of daze and BJ thinking we may need to evacuate Long Island
• temperatures being in the mid 90's... just feeling a bit hot
• school starting in one week's time
• broken vacuum=seriously dirty floor
• broken air conditioner in the car
• kids asking to go here and there constantly, in spite of all that I'm already doing
• etc.

I have been on the verge of tears for several daze now, because I'm thinking, "I can't do all of this." Ok. Not just on the verge of tears. I have actually cried a few times, which is unusual for me. I'm really not sure how much more I can take. What will happen when I reach my limit? How did my life get so out of control? What the heck happened?