Rating My Musical Theater Experiences

ACTING On Stage

Naked Stage Marathon-- I was scared and rusty in my acting, but it was a great encouragement for me to keep going. I was not happy about the Violin Maker's Daughter (someone's original musical). The music was so abstract and I regret now that I didn't go with the character choice I really wanted to play. I was too shy about it. Totally insecure. If I ever did it again it would be a way different situation.

Anything Goes--I was excited and happy playing the purser. I found it a challenge in that I was a woman playing a role written for a man. And the fact that a purser wouldn't have been woman during the era the show was written for, just made it hard for me, but still it was a fun show with a great cast.

Ruthless--This show was a total thrill and hilarious, but some things happened... with reviews... which left me personally encouraged but super confused, that and the fact that a few of my friends actually didn't like the show.

Grease--These were fun times but I was "slightly" frustrated with the MD.  and the hubby's reviews weren't great. The biggest kicker was that I had to sing a duet with my scene partner who just couldn't sing it on pitch. SUPER frustrating.

Our Fabulous Variety Show--I was somewhat uncomfortable in my position, of crossing over to music directing, but happy to get paid for the first time.

Fifty Million Frenchmen--I was nervous with my directors, not feeling like I was doing anything well. I was not thrilled with my scene partner and just insecure, but the experience was so good for me. Some of my friends said they loved me in this role best.

Victor Victoria--This was one of my most challenging shows. I loved it. The ideas were brilliant. The dancing was sooo cool. I enjoyed helping with the music end in rehearsals, but we didn't pull off the show very well. Needed more time and a lot more money. I also had lyme's disease by showtime and was really suffering.

Joe Sent Me--This show was low key for me but I played an enjoyable character and found the book very interesting, my director friends' original. Another crossover for me into tastes of music directing.


HIRED as Musical Director

Working--I was asked in late to this one because of an MD dropping out, and took the position in my very "green and learning" state. It was not a bad first time thing, but I cringe a little when I think about it. The show had a lot of talent and was done very well.

Grease--I was still green and unassuming. I felt quite intimidated butI knew the show. I just had to figure out how to adjust a Broadway score for middle schoolers.

Best Little Whorehouse--I was gaining confidence but was slightly ashamed of the content of this show, but loved the pit band antics.

High School Musical--There were some difficult cast elements, more challenges with adjusting things for the younger voices, but the experience wasn't so bad overall... kind of.

Night on Broadway--This was an easy one because I basically accompanied rather than MD'd with a cast of only four (two of them my own daughters). Very proud of this one and the first full musical theater production for the school... at least in a very very long time.

13 the Musical--One of my top 5! It was a great show, great cast, and I felt appreciated! Somehow parents knew the role I played and I received many thanks and cheers.

Snoopy--This was a wonderful cast, but an exhausting experience with some personal disappointment at the end. Wish I could forget them HA!

Fame--I was unhappy, under appreciated, and not a show I would want to do again. And I could only see the dress rehearsal of this one, because I was playing another show. So its a hard one to judge fairly.

World Goes Round--One of my top 5! I loved doing this, enjoyed the cast, but felt very sad that my husband didn't have the appreciation for it. Had the best small pit band camaraderie!

The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee--I loved this show, worked really hard, felted a little stressed out and had some personal disappointments. I wished I had known about gathering a few more for the pit band at that time.

Fantasticks--We had obstacles and challenges plaguing rehearsals for this show but it was still a good one. Interesting experience. I got to play with a harpist, but sure did miss my bass player and drummer.

Shrek--This show was so much fun, a lot of work, a lot of music, but it was a good one. Loved the kids.

Rent--One of my top 5!! I adored working with cast and director. Pit band antics were great too. This was a hard one to let go of. It was such a heartfelt heart warming experience for me. I was named Karen the Queen of 2016 LOL.

Best of Broadway 2016--Rehearsals were difficult and a little strained but loved this show.

Little Shop of Horrors--Oh I truly enjoyed teaching the music for this one, and especially loved seeing my girls shine. Added another favorite bass player to this pit band and it was a good time. Stressful though.

Dirty Rotten Scoundrels--It was a fun show, good cast, lots of driving! A learning experience of conducting a bigger band from the keys. Successfully done though.

First Date--I have to say I was unhappy, under appreciated, super frustrated. There were reasons but I'll leave that unsaid. It was the pit band of despair. They weren't bad (could have been better) but such a major headache trying to put a pit together for this show. The cast basically ignored me until the opening of the show and then suddenly they appreciated me and would have conversations. It was the weirdest thing. I couldn't wait for it to be over.

Catch Me if You Can--One of my top 5!! Super show, super cast, super direction, amazing pit band experience. A big personal learning curve to have a band of 11 professional musicians and to conduct them from the piano. It was a very challenging score--scary but so fun.

Little Mermaid--This was a decent experience overall, but I became super disappointed at showtime and how things unrolled for me, although the performance was terrific. There were a lot of adjustments happening for a variety of reasons, but the underlying feelings that I experienced around showtime still make me feel a little sad.

In the Heights--One of my top 5!! The music was so much fun to play and really difficult to teach. The performances were amazing and high energy with super crowds. My learning curve was steep for the latin/hip hop score but I conquered it and LOVED IT!

Best of Broadway 2017--For the rehearsals the struggle was real not just for me, but for the team. The shows went well in the end, but it was a struggle to the bitter end and it took the fun out of it. Kids these daze... So much work for the production team and so little help, understanding or appreciation of that. We had our few cast members who did actually make it feel worth the journey--the ones who actually cared about the show and brought everything they had to the table.

Bring it On--We are still in rehearsals. The struggle has been real here as well, but its fun music, I adore the cast (on most daze and when they show up) and we've gotten creative with how its going to be presented. I feel terrified! regarding all the logistics, but it always comes together, right?! Its another scary score, but mainly because of all the electronic hip hop samples and sound patches to use. Its another learning curve. I enjoy learning.

So why is it scary to learn?

The Struggle is Real

There's a lot!!!

Today, I really felt like I was at the END of my game. I was very tempted to give up. Discouraged. Frustrated. Really, really mad and on the verge of angry tears at several points. Of course, I'm not going to give up--win or lose. I just don't renege on my commitments. I don't even want to renege, but there has been some real stress and discouragement.

There are a lot of things at play in my game. First off, which I probably shouldn't even mention, is that I'm turning 50 and hormones are whacky. Seriously though, everything has been at an even keel up until about last week. I mean, I've had a few rough times with my aging process over the last few years, but now... I think I may be in for some mirky waters ahead. And it pisses me off.  I don't want to have a year long battle, or even six months. I had six babies!! Give me a break, dear Jesus. I can deal with a few weeks or a month and be ok, but I'm just a little scared of what "crazy" I may have to endure. I'll be alright. Surely. People just need to be nice to me and try to be understanding... And give me hugs, because I probably need those more than I let on.

Since last week, apart from hormones, there have been hits to my heart.

• I've learned that one of my dear ones, who grew up with my kids, got into some trouble. Smashed up his car and all... and I don't know what to do or how to help. My heart hurts so much and I feel overwhelmed, because I just don't think I'm the one who can help. I have that tendency to always want to run to the aid of all those I care about, and yet, its not always me who can, or should. So, I really hurt when I feel helpless. I can pray. 
• There is also someone else who I had been reaching out to, who fell into some trouble and I also can't get in touch with. Oh my heart. The vice tightens.
• I had a personal issue come up that caused me to question a lot of things, mostly about myself. Then I questioned the person who caused the things to surface, and the thoughts went round and round in my head... over basically inconsequential things. It'll all work out in God's timing, so "Karen, just stop!"
• Also, there was someone very dear to me who found an opportunity, just the other day, to share a devastating story which took place in her younger years. The account struck me to the core. I'm so glad she was able to share it with me, but oh my heart!!!
• So, today my mom told me, that my dad, after having a biopsy on his elbow, had to have further biopsies done because the tests came back positive for melanoma. He will have surgery soon to remove everything they found, and now we are fervently praying and believing for complete health. This news probably hurts my heart the most. I may just have to take a trip to Florida once these two April shows are done.
• Lastly, the shows.... I guess I will mention my struggle with the two high school shows I'm doing. Basically, I feel like I am FAILING!!! I just can't seem to motivate the teens--and they are the ones I enjoy working with the most. So YEA! We had great success with the last show, but now, halfway into the next batch of rehearsals I feel like a total failure. Usually, at this point in the rehearsal routine, I am the optimistic one, giving positive vibes to the director and all those around. However, this is not how I feel today. Its me who needs a boost of confidence. I'm not sure if this lack of optimism is because of them or me, but something is off and I can't figure it out. I feel really down about it and at a complete loss. I need some encouragement!!!

I am going to press on and lighten up. Life happens. We go through joys and pains, highs and lows. We work really hard at things and we take time to rest (at least we should). Mostly, I want to enjoy the people I am with, but also those I love, who I can't be with regularly. 

But oh the emotional roller coaster and hormones makes me NOT want to be with people. Help Me!!