Rating My Musical Theater Experiences

ACTING On Stage

Naked Stage Marathon-- I was scared and rusty in my acting, but it was a great encouragement for me to keep going. I was not happy about the Violin Maker's Daughter (someone's original musical). The music was so abstract and I regret now that I didn't go with the character choice I really wanted to play. I was too shy about it. Totally insecure. If I ever did it again it would be a way different situation.

Anything Goes--I was excited and happy playing the purser. I found it a challenge in that I was a woman playing a role written for a man. And the fact that a purser wouldn't have been woman during the era the show was written for, just made it hard for me, but still it was a fun show with a great cast.

Ruthless--This show was a total thrill and hilarious, but some things happened... with reviews... which left me personally encouraged but super confused, that and the fact that a few of my friends actually didn't like the show.

Grease--These were fun times but I was "slightly" frustrated with the MD.  and the hubby's reviews weren't great. The biggest kicker was that I had to sing a duet with my scene partner who just couldn't sing it on pitch. SUPER frustrating.

Our Fabulous Variety Show--I was somewhat uncomfortable in my position, of crossing over to music directing, but happy to get paid for the first time.

Fifty Million Frenchmen--I was nervous with my directors, not feeling like I was doing anything well. I was not thrilled with my scene partner and just insecure, but the experience was so good for me. Some of my friends said they loved me in this role best.

Victor Victoria--This was one of my most challenging shows. I loved it. The ideas were brilliant. The dancing was sooo cool. I enjoyed helping with the music end in rehearsals, but we didn't pull off the show very well. Needed more time and a lot more money. I also had lyme's disease by showtime and was really suffering.

Joe Sent Me--This show was low key for me but I played an enjoyable character and found the book very interesting, my director friends' original. Another crossover for me into tastes of music directing.


HIRED as Musical Director

Working--I was asked in late to this one because of an MD dropping out, and took the position in my very "green and learning" state. It was not a bad first time thing, but I cringe a little when I think about it. The show had a lot of talent and was done very well.

Grease--I was still green and unassuming. I felt quite intimidated butI knew the show. I just had to figure out how to adjust a Broadway score for middle schoolers.

Best Little Whorehouse--I was gaining confidence but was slightly ashamed of the content of this show, but loved the pit band antics.

High School Musical--There were some difficult cast elements, more challenges with adjusting things for the younger voices, but the experience wasn't so bad overall... kind of.

Night on Broadway--This was an easy one because I basically accompanied rather than MD'd with a cast of only four (two of them my own daughters). Very proud of this one and the first full musical theater production for the school... at least in a very very long time.

13 the Musical--One of my top 5! It was a great show, great cast, and I felt appreciated! Somehow parents knew the role I played and I received many thanks and cheers.

Snoopy--This was a wonderful cast, but an exhausting experience with some personal disappointment at the end. Wish I could forget them HA!

Fame--I was unhappy, under appreciated, and not a show I would want to do again. And I could only see the dress rehearsal of this one, because I was playing another show. So its a hard one to judge fairly.

World Goes Round--One of my top 5! I loved doing this, enjoyed the cast, but felt very sad that my husband didn't have the appreciation for it. Had the best small pit band camaraderie!

The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee--I loved this show, worked really hard, felted a little stressed out and had some personal disappointments. I wished I had known about gathering a few more for the pit band at that time.

Fantasticks--We had obstacles and challenges plaguing rehearsals for this show but it was still a good one. Interesting experience. I got to play with a harpist, but sure did miss my bass player and drummer.

Shrek--This show was so much fun, a lot of work, a lot of music, but it was a good one. Loved the kids.

Rent--One of my top 5!! I adored working with cast and director. Pit band antics were great too. This was a hard one to let go of. It was such a heartfelt heart warming experience for me. I was named Karen the Queen of 2016 LOL.

Best of Broadway 2016--Rehearsals were difficult and a little strained but loved this show.

Little Shop of Horrors--Oh I truly enjoyed teaching the music for this one, and especially loved seeing my girls shine. Added another favorite bass player to this pit band and it was a good time. Stressful though.

Dirty Rotten Scoundrels--It was a fun show, good cast, lots of driving! A learning experience of conducting a bigger band from the keys. Successfully done though.

First Date--I have to say I was unhappy, under appreciated, super frustrated. There were reasons but I'll leave that unsaid. It was the pit band of despair. They weren't bad (could have been better) but such a major headache trying to put a pit together for this show. The cast basically ignored me until the opening of the show and then suddenly they appreciated me and would have conversations. It was the weirdest thing. I couldn't wait for it to be over.

Catch Me if You Can--One of my top 5!! Super show, super cast, super direction, amazing pit band experience. A big personal learning curve to have a band of 11 professional musicians and to conduct them from the piano. It was a very challenging score--scary but so fun.

Little Mermaid--This was a decent experience overall, but I became super disappointed at showtime and how things unrolled for me, although the performance was terrific. There were a lot of adjustments happening for a variety of reasons, but the underlying feelings that I experienced around showtime still make me feel a little sad.

In the Heights--One of my top 5!! The music was so much fun to play and really difficult to teach. The performances were amazing and high energy with super crowds. My learning curve was steep for the latin/hip hop score but I conquered it and LOVED IT!

Best of Broadway 2017--For the rehearsals the struggle was real not just for me, but for the team. The shows went well in the end, but it was a struggle to the bitter end and it took the fun out of it. Kids these daze... So much work for the production team and so little help, understanding or appreciation of that. We had our few cast members who did actually make it feel worth the journey--the ones who actually cared about the show and brought everything they had to the table.

Bring it On--We are still in rehearsals. The struggle has been real here as well, but its fun music, I adore the cast (on most daze and when they show up) and we've gotten creative with how its going to be presented. I feel terrified! regarding all the logistics, but it always comes together, right?! Its another scary score, but mainly because of all the electronic hip hop samples and sound patches to use. Its another learning curve. I enjoy learning.

So why is it scary to learn?

Theater Tales | What I Did and Didn't Know When I Was Young

Music directing for stage productions is a very good fit for me. I did not see that coming!!!

Middle School

My first time participating in a full musical production was in my 7th grade at the middle school. At least, that's the first one I really remember. I was cast in the ensemble and soon after, was assigned a minor, minor role. It was my first time having a libretto, or getting real choreography and being costumed, or doing a show with a live orchestra pit. I got a kick out of the whole thing. The show was Bye Bye Birdie and I LOVED the experience. (I also remember getting a major crush on the pit drummer who was a sophomore in high school--I'm sure the crush continued on for 3 years).

My next experience came soon after--maybe the summer leading into 8th grade. This program was open to a broader age group and I am pretty sure it was directed, and choreographed by real theater professionals. The show was a Broadway revue and WOW I loved that whole experience, also. My favorites were songs from West Side Story, Godspell, Hair, and Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum (favs because I was in them--haha). I had an ensemble role, but they liked having me on hand because I was very skilled in reading music and singing harmonies and filling in wherever needed. I just didn't have a strong solo voice, but I could dance, and I had "great" stage presence and could help anyone who struggled with singing parts because of my piano skills.

My third experience was also at the same theater doing a production of The Boyfriend. Another great great time where I actually had a slightly bigger role as Dulcie, and they allowed my character to speak with a lisp and a British accent. HAHA. Its funny how this show was not quite as memorable for me. Probably because I didn't have as much time to see everything else that was happening on stage. I had my own lines and songs and character role to worry about. Plus, 8th grade is a very hormonal stage in a girl's life. I do remember having a smoking-hot red asian-style dress (from pictures).

High School

Ninth grade was the high school production of Brigadoon. Ensemble again for me. Not very memorable.

Tenth grade. We did On the Town. Ensemble. Plus a small monologue. Memorable and fun, but still I had a small part so I didn't really grasp much and I mostly remember my crazy, rollercoaster, emotional life during that production. I was not exactly behaving at that point.

Tenth grade class play competitions--SOOO HILARIOUS! Very memorable.  Other things I was involved with--ShowChoir. Very memorable. I had small roles in everything I did, but I my parts were not unimportant. I'm not sure whether I realized any of that then--probably not. I do remember that my personality had a similar effect then as it has now, which tends to bring the happy, crazy, fun atmosphere most of the time, along with occasional bouts of "steam and frustration." (Those angry rants were WAY worse as a teenager, so be glad if you know me now instead of then).

Leading into my eleventh grade I moved from NY to TN and had a whole new experience with music. MARCHING BAND! My new school, Ripley High, was the marching band Mid-south champs for several years in a row and they/we were really good! Memorable. And chorus competitions!! I ended up being scouted to become the chorus accompanist which I LOVED! (This Yankee girl was a mystery to everyone). Becoming the accompanist was a great opportunity, and little did I know than, a needed piece for my future.  Show choir was awesome. We did this whole performance from Michael Jackson's Thriller album and I got to dance with boys. haha However, Ripley had nothing happening in the theater department my junior year.

In Twelfth grade, My two favorite teachers decided to produce a play and I was cast as the lead role. Wha?!! Up the Down Staircase. Ever hear of it? I got the LEAD!!! Honestly, I knew very little about acting, but I had some natural talent and decent stage presence. It was a memorable and scary experience. Sadly, I don't think anyone video taped it. I've only ever seen a few photos, to help maintain a vague picture of things in my mind's eye. I wish I could look back on some of these events. Cell phones and social media has turned our world upside down. It's weird to think of how it used to be.

College

At college, because I was very immersed in my classical music training (piano and voice) and my spiritual life... and my social life, I wasn't very aware of any theater program on campus until my second and third year! My voice teacher, along with her husband were the heads of the opera department, but I was in no way an opera singer. I left my vocal lessons crying and deflated just about every week.  I did not have the physicality or basics in my "tool belt" to sing the way she was trying to teach me which was very frustrating. I disliked my voice. It was weak and breathy and small. But somehow, I was always a section leader in my choirs because I was excellent at reading music and harmonizing and my tone and pitch were great for blending. I had strengths, but they weren't helping me be a great solo singer.

I auditioned for music ministries the end of my freshman year and didn't get into the summer program. I'm sure I cried about that. Lots of disappointments and reality checks. The second summer I bypassed music ministries and went straight to the missions program and ended up going to India for two months with a team of 12 students. Best experience of my life. We were a music/drama team and I can't even begin to tell you what an incredible adventure that was. POWERFUL!!

Near the end of my junior year, after my big junior piano recital, I auditioned for a student-directed show: Snoopy, the Musical. I was cast as Lucy. I had also auditioned for music ministries and suddenly was faced with making a decision between the two because, the rehearsals conflicted. Sometimes I regret not doing the musical, but I choose the spiritual thing(music ministries) and traveled much of the northwest US and Canada all summer in a van with a great group of students. But truly, I missed being in INDIA all summer long!! side note: my future husband was the one leading the India mission team that same summer (another big story to tell some other time). I missed my piano. I missed the whole summer of preparing for upcoming my senior recital. And I regretted the fact that I missed some opportunities which set me back in ways I didn't foresee, but nothing that upset the entire course of my future. That was still going to happen--in whatever way it would.

Life

All of my growing up, and my growing pains helped shape me into who I am today. Here I am, almost  50, and I'm doing something I would never have guessed in all of those younger years. Music directing for stage productions is a very good fit for me. I did not see that coming!!! I totally enjoy it and I'm pretty good at it. I like teaching music. I like shaping characters and being part of a production team. People are my absolute favorite thing on earth. And I kind of understand the psychology of theater, especially in school settings and the community theater settings. So, that makes the position fit me even better.

Musical theater can be tough. Sometimes its brutal on the self-confidence. But the lessons we learn can be our best friend. Getting cast or not getting cast; having a lead role or winding up in the chorus--once again; It can feel very personal.

But here's a tip or two: Get to know yourself. Get to know your skill level. Make improvements by taking lessons or classes or (hello) by practicing! Get to know the types of roles you could actually pull off in a believable way. Study the field by attending other shows and watching things on youtube. Video tape yourself, so you can see/hear what the audience sees/hears. Put together an audition book with songs and monologues that are good for you, so you'll be ready when an audition pops up. Get to know the important things about casting, and a director's point of view... it makes all the difference.

Growth can't rushed either. So embrace life as it comes. Do your best always, but don't sweat the disappointments for long. There will always be a future with fulfilling and satisfying experiences, but only if you embrace life honestly. Search for the truth in everything.

God knows your future and what you were created for. Ask Him about it. #lovinglife

The Glamour of Musical Theater

Sometimes, I wonder if I should even be in this field of musical theater. I've been music directing shows for local schools and community theaters since 2011. I have about 18 shows under my belt as MD. It has not been a long career or a TON of experience, yet, but I learn quickly. And before I was doing this stuff I was doing other things like raising six kids. But now, with only one chickie left in the nest I have taken on six shows for this year. It's a lot of music to learn. Its a lot of music to teach. Its a lot of different people to work with and very different experiences from one program to the next. Each director is different. Each show is different. Sometimes, I work with adults; sometimes its middle school or high school. There is a range of juggling acts I have to perform, and its certainly interesting.

I enjoy what I do A LOT... well, usually... on most/some daze. And then there are those times when I feel very small. Under appreciated. Unimportant. Invisible. It SuckS! I HATE THIS!!! YOU PEOPLE CAN JUST [blah blah blah]!!!

I'm not a diva, but I do need to be appreciated and supported in the role I play on the team. When I am ignored or taken for granted or constantly finding that my input is overlooked, I tend to get angry and shut down. Its a very simple thing for a director to include me in the plans, to simply talk with me every once-in-a-while, or to appreciate my work verbally on occasion. And God forbid the director say something appreciative or acknowledging about music director TO THE CAST so that they see the support. I have seen with my own eyes the difference that makes! My contribution IS valuable. ANY music director's contribution to the production is of great value!! DUH. The director will find him or herself hard-pressed to make a musical happen without someone teaching the music and providing all that the MD provides throughout the rehearsal experience, all the way to and thru the run of the show. Its just common sense, but you'd be surprised...

My personality is easygoing and fairly calm. I make my work seem easier than it is. I work hard at home to prepare. I get along with people and make it a habit to try to understand where individuals are coming from; what makes them tick so I can help them as best I can. It really brings me joy when I work with a group who embraces me wholeheartedly, and gets all they can out of the theater experience, including grabbing ahold of the fun part of who I am, and the friendship I offer. I'm social so... I want the genuine connection. I guess that's why I enjoy working with schools and community theater.

There are, of course, the varying styles of leadership in a director. I work with all different types. Some have had years and years of experience. Others are new at it, with lots to learn, and sometimes even if they are new at directing they've had a ton of theater experience and are naturally brilliant. But the best lesson a director can learn, or should I so my best experiences have been with a director who appreciates and acknowledges his/her team--especially to the players. It creates a positive environment for the cast and for everyone. They should do it early on in the process, and continue to do it periodically, so that when they need to make "withdrawals" i.e. asking for extra work, making music changes, communicating something long after they should have, etc. there is something already deposited in the account from which to draw. Appreciation is so important. Even a simple "thank you" can make a BIG difference... as can the LACK of verbal appreciation. HINT:

DON'T BE A STUPID IDIOT BY FORGETTING 

TO GENUINELY THANK YOUR TEAM!!! 

I'm sorry. Does that sound bitter? You may be on to something.

In all honesty, I don't need to be devalued at this point in my life. I can do other things with my time. Its hard enough that in only a few short months, I am facing an "emptier" nest than I've ever had. I have enough reasons in this stage of my life to cause me to struggle with being sad; happy, but sad. If this theater cycle is going to compound the sadness, I'm not sure I should stay in it. Hmmmm.

Perhaps I just need to press through! Maybe I'll find this as an important season of growth in my life, one that won't necessarily keep cycling back around as a "thorn" the way I fear its going to. The rollercoaster ride of emotions is super difficult for me. How much can I endure? I'm not all that tough. When it comes down to the facts, I'm a people person much more than a career-oriented person. However, if my career can also double as a passion, that is a great thing. If it also lends to fulfilling my mission of loving and caring for people, even better.

I think I'm going to take this year of productions to see if that's the case--that this is a season of beneficial growth, because I do love what I'm doing (when its a good working environment). I think I will also be more careful about who I choose to work with. However, that is easier said than done. Choices are limited.

It's Just How I'm Wired

I know that people use that phrase as a "cop out" for their stupid behavior because they'd rather not better themselves but make excuses about being a poorly behaved human being. That isn't how or why I'm using the phrase. I do (almost) always want to better myself. I truly want to be a decent, kind, caring, godly person. There is a constant desire to repair my mistakes or at least find the root of a problem that causes me to fall and ask God to help me change. I know where my help comes from.

Let me say that this has been a weird and challenging stage in my life. I'm in a transition state--I'm between things which bring a lot of angst and joy and anxiety and excitement--so my focus on the spiritual things hasn't been completely fervent. But that's life. For me personally, things are always moving and shaking, which causes a lot of ideas and emotions to swing back and forth in the journey. I've learned to just keep walking through the stormy times and it will right itself. The path will be made clear once again. I just have to keep myself from giving up and laying down in a mud puddle of misery or frustration.

Many events over the past several daze were stressing me out, not necessarily bad stress, just stress. But now that they have happened it feels good to have them out of the way.  Here are a photos from a few of the events.

BANQUET

Liz went to her boyfriend's senior banquet. We parents who were taking lots of pics all piled into the RV with them to drop them off at their destination (which was clever and hilarious and inexpensive). I enjoyed being a part of that and taking over 600 pictures--have mercy!

The parents--taking a cheesy prom pic. Sohailah stepped in for Terry who was unable to come along.

Here they are... The DREAM TEAM!! Too much fun.

GRADUATION

My FIFTH child of six graduated from high school. She was definitely the happiest graduate on stage and so excited to be done with the high school life.

This was her celebratory chicken dance to get her diploma. haha Love this girl.

We all made it to the graduation (including one set of grandparents and my college roommate). Not only is that a feat in itself with a family of 8 but the fact that graduation happens at the end of June when the Hamptons come alive, means its difficult for them to get a weekend day off from work. So cheers to everyone for making it out to celebrate with our Lizzy and Michael.

My boyz! Birthdays are big this year.  Terry just received his AARP card in the mail--50!!! and Luke should see a reduction in is car insurance rates starting today--25!!!! Woohoo discounts all around. Happy birthday!!

Our Michael also graduated and was the second happiest on stage immediately after Liz. haha. Michael lives with us as part of our family. We love him dearly.

His other family loves him dearly, too. We are all so proud of our graduates.

It was bedlam after the ceremony, trying to get all the pictures I wanted, but as usual, we were the last to leave the school grounds.

Next up, party at the Hochstedler's, only a few daze away. I have to keep taking deep breaths and not letting myself feel panicked about it. Really?! Who cares if things aren't perfect--its a freakin pool party that's going to have great food and good times together!!! The work overwhelms me a bit and we've been so busy all spring that its been difficult to have any time to get our back yard looking decent. I'm not even aiming for perfect... just decent.

PARTING THOUGHTS 
...on another note, cuz its still bothering me

I do my best to give people the benefit of the doubt, hoping to receive the same in turn.  I teach my kids to try to do this also, but share with them that there may come a time in life when its wise to avoid pa person who is not safe to have in your life. I aim to be a safe person for other people to have in their life, but that can't always be the case, so c'est ce que c'est. There are seasons. When I need a break from a person (which doesn't happen often), I don't expect anyone else to jump on my bandwagon. I think that is just dumb. Its been the struggle for a few of my 6 kids who have all gone to this teeny tiny K-12 public school in Bridgehampton, but boy isn't that the worst part about high school drama? The person who feels they need to get everyone to jump on with their offense, so that the one person really feels punished. Talk about bullying. I'm not a fan.

My 4 older kids who have gone on into their adult lives encourage the younger two that college life and beyond is sooooo much better. And it really is. However, truth be told, that nonsense can still happen anywhere at any time. Adults can purposely or inadvertently ostracize a youth, a friend or co-worker, etc. I'm not even above it, regardless of how much I hate the scenario. Its something to watch for in myself for sure. Maybe we all should watch for it. This has come at me from so many directions lately but I think I just need better sleep.

THE END

Epilogue: Here's my bestie, Sohailah, roomie from college daze. I was so happy to have her around this whole past week. She knows me and gets it when I'm stressed. And sees when I'm pained about something and is a genuine support to me. I appreciate her immensely.

Lonely vs. Alone Time

One of these are welcomed, but not so much the other.

Having a very busy schedule for the past several months has definitely kept me from feeling lonely. I was told on several different occasions that the cast and production team likes how I work, that I make the work fun and enjoyable, that the cast really likes me (with the added indication that its not always that way with music directors). My response was usually something to the tune of, "Well, maybe its because I truly like people." Not to mention that I enjoy teaching harmonies and working hard with the peeps until they get it. Its never a waste of my time, but apparently not every music director feels that way.

My musicals are finished for the season. My upcoming musicals have an audition at the end of June for a Nov show and an audition at the beginning of Aug for an Oct show. Its something to prepare for, but at the moment I'm taking a breather--forced, though it may be. I have done well to fill my time with end-of-the-year events at school [note picture above which was spontaneous yesterday]. Being that I'm on child number 5 and 6 still remaining in school, the events are... maybe a bit predictable! and the pictures mostly the same as the former years, just with different kids. I celebrate with them, but its not very fresh for me. However the dunk tank was new!!!! HAHAH

I really love having my older kids all home for the summer. They are so much fun and quite beautiful to look at if I don't say so myself. Still waiting for Jennah to return home from Zambia in a week from now. That's when the house will really be jammed packed. Then we are on to graduation for Elizabeth (June 24th) and SUMMER!! Yayyyy... I say yay, but truth be told, the kids all work like crazy, so we don't really have dinners together, and Terry and I have been too busy for hosting parties. Which means, I really miss my dear friends whom I've rarely seen all winter. I miss my kids as I mainly see them ducking in and ducking out. I miss my husband cuz we are like two ships passing in the night. I miss my work and the people I've made friends with in the various casts--in which we have had many laughs together. The only consistent companions I've had for months now are my dogs and they are very one-track minded. "Take me to the beach and throw me a stick." So, I'm scared about summer. Who am I really connected with anymore? How hard is it going to be to get back to the "real" stuff. Have my cronies decided they can't take the long absence of time and moved on. I know I've felt that way about friends I've been close to who would drop off the face of the earth for a while and then reappear. It was difficult for me to hold on very tightly to those people... and now maybe I'm that person... (except I share a lot of what I'm actually doing on social media. I've definitely NOT disappeared).

Some daze, like today, I wonder why my life is always in a state of change. And on these lonely daze I wonder if its really worth it. Truth be told, I would be bored senseless to have the repeated pattern day after day, month after month, year after year. I'm inspired by the ongoing challenges, the learning and growing, the newly opened doors and especially the new friendships. But once the shows close, those new friendships lose touch. Always! What I don't like is the grieving period and the anxiety of feeling lonely. There is no one to grieve with me. The connections with friends are all scrambled and choppy and awkward. I have to work through it on my own. I'm too tired and down to fight through and re-establish things when I'm have this kind of day--weeks really.

So, I've picked back up with my classical music. Getting reacquainted with Mozart, Beethoven, Schumann, Debussy, Chopin, Ravel, Brahms and others, has been a great activity to keep me feeling grounded when I'm sad. And as much as I stumble through this music, which literally got put on the shelf for 25 years, I do wish I could share it with someone.  The family hears me practicing. I don't even know what they think. Am I annoying them greatly or do they appreciate me getting back in the saddle? (One of my kids actually did mention in a mother's day card, his great appreciation of what I gave up for all the years to take care of them and how inspirational its been to see me take off in a career now. My late-in-life career. That acknowledgement touched me deeply.)

I need the give-and-take with humans. All my work is about give-and-take. All my ridiculous amounts of social media and trying to stay connected with people is about give-and-take: a mutual exchange. That's how I'm wired. That's what I need. Its times like these where I would love to have someone draw me out, someone who gets me and understands what goes on inside of my head at this point--especially in this seasonal transition from "way busy" to "nothing." But you know what... everyone has their own lives. And most people are a lot less public then I am. They figure I've put all my information out there for everyone to see and yet they don't know that there are still things about me that I'm not sharing. I know. I know. I don't leave much of a mystery... but don't judge me! You be you and I'll be me.

I could shut it all down and pull out of everything. I could stop all my sharing. See if anyone notices... Try to regroup. Yea right!!! LOL. I hate when other people do that. Its like, not letting anyone know its your birthday coming and expecting everyone to magically remember, once it arrives. (That rarely works). I'm a lot more direct. I love to know things about people. I ask questions. I study people. I'm curious about what makes a person tick and also about what makes me tick. And basically, I tell people the things I want them to know about me. None of this "sideways "stuff.

So, if you have some encouragement or want to share something with me, that would be great. If not, that's fine too. I'm gonna go take some alone time now. FORCED ALONE TIME. wah waaaah.

#KarenTheQueenof2K16

#karenthequeenof2k16

That hashtag is a title the East Hampton high school cast gave me this year.  LOL! It was my first time with them music directing for their production. No wonder I love them all dearly. I'm pretty sure they love me too. HAHA.  I have thoroughly enjoyed working with them and now that the back-to-back productions at EHHS have come to an end, I'm blocking out that dreaded feeling where the blackhole sucks me into the abyss.

OK. That is overly dramatic. And, anyway I get to have a few of my top notch favorites for another week, over at the Bridgehampton School, as they are performing along with another cast in our BHS production of Little Shop of Horror's. Opens this weekend.  (Eeeeek)

I've been super busy with my late-in-life youngish career as a music director. I seem to bounce from production to production these daze. I love it. I'm also exhausted, but that's a price I'm willing to pay.  Surely, the open door has been given to me now, after raising a gazillion kids, to help me cross into this new phase of life where my kids are growing up into adulthood. My oldest is turning TWENTY FIVE in June!!! WHAT???!!!! I cherish these high school kids in my heart. However, my time is not only spent with high school student, but middle school, as well as adults. This coming year I have an opportunity to work with 4th graders on a show. I haven't yet accepted that offer as I write, and I wonder if that will not be quite as fun... I've worked with the younger age groups in week-long camps. I think that's more exhausting that what I'm doing now.

Every cast is different from the next. Every ending of a show has a different impact on me. Most times, I am halfway (or further) into the next show as one finishes up, so its a bit of a relief to be done with one to free up more time for the next. But as I sit here pondering about last year, when I juggled three shows which were all very dear to my heart, it was tough to come to the end of the 3rd one and have nothing to fill my schedule but catch-up work. Who wants to clean a house after coming to the end of a long run of shows. Uhh...  NO THANK YOU!!!

You wanna know the hardest part for me? Its becoming friends and forming bonds with the cast and the directors and then having our forced meeting times end suddenly! All at once, the friends I've been spending 4-5 days a week for 2 months straight, have returned to their "normal" lives and the adjustment is tough. Or maybe just weird. (or sometimes the end of a torturous experience). Sure, we  may try to reconnect. We may attempt to meet up for a get-together after a month, but it doesn't usually work out, or its not the same combination of people.  We move on--and learn to live with the fact that the only time we may see each other again is at some other show where mutual friends  performing.

I will miss this gang of kiddos and especially the 20+ graduating seniors!!!

And so,...

My loyal, royal subjects of EHHS, I bid thee farewell! Meet me on the other side. Don't throw away your shot! History has its eyes on you. Its quiet uptown.

Your Obedient Servant,

K (dot) Hoch

Professionalism--The Journey

professional |prəˈfeSHənl| nouna person engaged or qualified in a profession• a person engaged in a specified activity, especially a sport or branch of the performing arts, as a main paid occupation rather than as a pastime.• a person competent or skilled in a particular activity
professionalism |prəˈfeSHənlˌizəm| nounthe competence or skill expected of a professional • the practicing of an activity, especially a sport, byprofessional rather than amateur players

I run across many types of people in my circle. My every day life easily flows between a professional and amateur world and I must appreciate both in order to be successful. Its an interesting life, an interesting culture, and I'm regularly intrigued by the people around me. Sometimes I'm annoyed by stupid people, but that doesn't negate my fascination with them. It quite possibly escalates my curiosity (unless I'm super busy, or hormonal, or sleep deprived). There are a few people I've been recently been dealing with who seriously need a throat punch, but I'll save that for another day! Today we are taking a look at the "journey to professionalism" where throat punching could be a serious obstacle.
My lengthy struggle to understand whether I could be considered a professional or not began in my 20s- post-college. My confusion came with the fact that I threw my entire life and skill set into a church organization right after graduation and marriage. It was something I loved and enjoyed, but it was completely voluntary i.e. without pay. There was very little realization by those around me of my competence, partly because #1. I was a female (not even kidding that this was an issue), #2. I was in my 20s (young and dumb? definitely rough around the edges), #3. I started having children at 23 (pregnancy didn't stop me from anything, but it held others at bay), and #4. I chose to walk humbly along (most of the time), offering my time, energy and expertise, purely as an offering to God.
Years later, after gaining tons of experience, some maturity, and depth on many, many levels, my world is very different. It took a long time for me to understand my true value in the professional world. It took a few run-ins and "misunderstandings" to see the vast difference in MY sense of professionalism in comparison to certain others who were being paid for a job but proving very incompetent for the position. While this realization was going on for me, it felt like an injustice to see employer-types settling for crap. I was dumbfounded and outraged even, but I would look for ways to (voluntarily) support and help, just to be sure the product was decent in the end. But to see the incompetence continue was enough to finally push me over the edge, into the professional world. It was time to express my desire to be hired for jobs and produce something better. And so I was. It felt great. It still feels great.  Many times its a road of stress and anxiety, but I'm learning how to relax. I will never be quite as good as I want to be, however, the people who hire me LOVE my work, both my dedication and the quality. They see that I have a way with people and have great productivity, so, that has helped me to be ok with myself and actually be proud of my work.
The process of becoming who I am today is real. Its tangible. Its interesting (if only to me). I'm captured with people's progression in life. I've learned to be patient and believe that God makes His way into the hearts of His children--through the good times and through the bad.
I have prospects for the future that keep my path in an ever-unpredictable state. It continues to be challenging and never the same, year after year. I would get bored and complacent. That's who I am and how I'm wired. I am reliable and consistent, but also open to change, as life unveils the next step. 
What's your story?

The Crash

Its no mystery that I'm a people person. Its also no secret that I thrive on a busy schedule (as long as my busyness involves having connection with people). My life has been full of people and busyness over the past many months. 

In June, our fourth child graduated from high school Valedictorian. 

In August, we had an amazing adventure to Alaska together with two other couples and a few kids. 

A week after that trip we sent said daughter off to her first year in college 2500 miles away. 

Also we had a family wedding to attend in North Carolina and another daughter to kiss goodbye for her third year 2000 miles away at college. 

September meant school began again with only two kids left to graduate. 

Columbus weekend was another family wedding in Maine. 

September also gave me some decisions to make. I was asked to music direct three musicals. I was already locked into one, when the next one I normally have done, was switched from the spring to the fall. I thought it would be crazy to take on two shows at the same time, but then the third show I've been doing for four consecutive years, also was suddenly switched from the spring to the fall. Now I was left to see if there was any possibility to swing three. Finances were a motivating factor with two in college. So, after much prayer, deliberation and calendar crunching, I decided to go for it. Its not a decision I regret. I didn't regret it once.

Here are a few pics...

Super fun pit band for "The World Goes Round" and the Director

Fabulous Cast whom I miss dearly

Great show with the school kids

Cast, Crew, Director, and me

Joy of my heart to see them grow so much

Performances for The World Goes Round ran for three weekends (12 shows). That was an all-music show, which got amazing reviews. I was so proud of the work!!! Loved the cast and it was an all-around great experience. I suffered great disappointment that so few of my friends and family came out. People who aren't performers don't seem to understand...

Fame was my show with the Sag Harbor middle school (sorry no pics) which was challenging to pull together but it went great, and The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee, the Bridgehampton high school show also was fabulous. These two shows both performed on the same weekend, which was the following weekend after closing World. I played the piano for the high school show and someone else played for the middle school show. Basically, my life revolved around practicing music for 3-4 hours in the morning while accomplishing my other office work, trying to get some kind of food in the crockpot, walking the dog, then running to rehearsals for one show and on the rehearsals for one of the other shows and getting home around 10pm, every week day for 10 weeks. We also had a fall youth retreat on one of the weekends in October where I was one of the speakers. It was busy. Exhausting. Exhilarating!!!

I knew the end was coming. I knew it was going to be quite an abrupt halt. I even warned the people around me that I was worried about it, because it's all very emotional; the highs from the successful performances. to the let down of it being over, to the pile-up of uninspiring work on the home front that needs to be tackled, to the utter boredom and sense of uselessness because the thrill and hard work and inspiration is gone. Oh, and did I mention the disappointments that start plaguing the mind, about people who didn't care enough to come out for the shows, or other various things that spring up to have to battle?

For me, more than anything, its the sudden lack of connection with the many people I've bonded with and taught music to for several weeks; its the lack of motivation to practice, because there's nothing challenging on the horizon to work towards; its the end of three major projects with very little to fill the void.

The depression and blues try to take over. Those closest, don't understand. And I mean CLUELESS!! I fade away into the background, because I suddenly can't connect to people easily with all the roller-coaster of emotion I'm working through. Its literally a grieving process. Seems silly, but it can't be helped. And then, there's the people who say, "I bet its a relief that its all over!" NO!!! Its not. I feel lost.

Having Thanksgiving holiday right now does not help. Having three of my six children somewhere else in the world and not home, does not help. Having none of my extended family to spend the meal together with, adds fuel to the sadness. I CAN find things to be thankful for, of course, but sadness is what I'm really feeling.

I'm making plans to start teaching privately again. I wish I felt more excited about it. I guess I like project-oriented stuff. There are plenty of things in my life that I do, regularly, for work. Some weeks I like what I'm doing just fine or at least I don't mine it. Other weeks it is painful and a drudgery, but I keep going. I keep moving forward. ITS NOT INSPIRATIONAL! Not everything has to be, however, I'm an artist. I am motivated by doing things that require my creative abilities--and when they are running full throttle, it motivates me to get all the less inspiring things accomplished, as well. It keeps me in a good place mentally. My soul is fed. This is how I am wired.

So, for now I'm a bit lost. It won't last forever. Its just something I must work through. I was just about to start rehearsals this coming week for an original play to be performed in January, but wouldn't you know, there was a scheduling conflict that caused me to decline the role. Its hitting me kind of hard and I'm a little angry. There are reasons for that, but it was my own choice to forego the play. I could have chosen to do it and skip out on one of the conflicts. Instead, I am "dying to self" on this one... and I don't like "dying to self." If I felt I was making the choice because I knew it was the right thing to do, maybe I'd be ok about it. Instead, I just feel like my needs aren't always that important... or maybe they just aren't understood. But then again, maybe I don't need what I think I need to be a person who makes a difference in this world.

I'll need to keep taking trips to the beach so at least Peppermint will be happy. Pepper's needs are important, too.

Behind the Waterfall

This is where I should have gone as soon as all the major festivities came to an end. I could have had a meltdown in this place and been completely comforted and calmed--perfect peace which transcends all my thoughts and understanding.

How many times have a poured out everything--given all I can give, maybe spreading myself too thin--because of wanting to experience, together with others, life at its fullest? Just for a moment. Just for the joy of it. But even when I tell myself to "be ready for when its over," I'm never quite prepared for the loss I feel. The higher the climb and greater the joy, sometimes means the harder and more painful the fall.

I had forgotten all about climbing behind the waterfall. Its been a long time since I'd been to the top of it and took that leap. Instead of knowing what to do this time, when I reached the end of it, I got caught underneath the enormous pressure. I was caught in the undercurrent and felt pounded; unable to breathe or be released from the turmoil. I panicked! Even though I've been through all of this before, I didn't prepare to be hurt. I didn't plan my exit strategy. And let me tell you, there is a lot of garbage stirring around at the bottom of the falls. I think I was trying to clean a lot of it up while I was down there, too. Not possible. Big mistake. Not my job. I was getting entangled and trapped and it caused an even greater sense of desperation.

I've been grasping for someone to help me, to rescue me and somehow find a way for me to come up for air, but it wasn't apparent to anyone where I was. Drowning. Its simply not expected for this to happen. People go on there way and don't think twice about my personal leap. My screams for help go undetected or get misunderstood. The waving arms, the stomping of feet and pounding of fists, is misjudged. I feel deeply the disapproval for my actions. The enemy of my soul uses everything to war against my mind and emotions. The lies he feeds me. The shame. The loneliness.

Behind the falls I go, where the Lord can battle the enemy for me. He will steady my heart and my mind. He will take away my shame and raise me up with Him once again, because He loves me.  He gives me renewed strength and I wholeheartedly put all of my trust in Him.

Life Has Been Challenging

Our Sad News

Noah got sick two weeks ago and died quite suddenly, devastating our hearts. He blessed our lives immensely and we all rued the day when he would no longer be with us. It was a topic that came up at dinner many times over the past year. I guess it was because he turned 12 in January and maybe we sensed that he wouldn't be around for much longer. He was gentle and easy-going without ever making any demands. He did whine for us to take him for a walk, because going for a walk was his greatest pleasure in life, a walk... and sleeping. And an occasional london broil off the counter. And the neighbors garbage.

Of course we have Peppermint. She hasn't written anything on her blog for a while. She's run out of things to say, and now she feels a little lonely. But I think she also thinks she is the queen of the house. She doesn't eat her food all that much lately. She doesn't have to protect her portion from Noah anymore. So Caleigh thinks its necessary to feed her one morsel at a time.

So dogs are on my mind a lot. The Bridgehampton High School is putting on its first full scale musical production this year. They put on Night on Broadway: A Musical Revue last year which was fantastic. Lizzy and Jennah were two of the four cast members and I just thought it was excellent. This year they are doing Snoopy: The Musical. Its such a fun show. I remember my roommate at college (Sohailah) music directing the show at Oral Roberts University. I auditioned and was cast as Lucy but I declined the role because I had to choose between doing the show or participating in Summer Music Ministries. That is a decision I still question to this day, but it doesn't matter anymore. I will be music directing this show and Jennah is Snoopy.

My life is suddenly busy with two musicals happening at the same time. I'm doing the show "13" with the Sag Harbor Middle School. Its another fun show as well. I love doing it. However, I tend to have my ups and downs in the process. I was hoping to overcome the self-doubt this time around. People obviously believe in me. They keep having me back and I get more jobs as I start becoming known in the field, but I have times where I assume they aren't happy with me and I'm not doing my job well enough. Sheesh. Why do I do this to myself? Its just part of how I'm wired.

I had a bit of a meltdown this past week with my other line of work which involves managing a facility that people rent for events, both private and public. Usually its not a very stressful job and I can set my own hours and set up meetings at my own convenience. But every once-in-a-while I have tenants who are much more demanding and have expectations that one might have when renting a big-time facility. They ask for meeting upon meeting and they want this and that and ask for things that can't happen at our facility. And have tantrums when they can't get their way. Some people want it all for nothing, and disrespect the time frame they've been given to be packed up and cleaned up. And they on't get their payments or contracts in on time but argue with me when I say I'm canceling their dates based on their not showing that they really want the space and someone else does.

One of my greatest interpersonal struggles is with a person who is so ambitious that they manipulate and connive and lie in order to get what they want. Passive/Aggression!! It pushes all my buttons and when I run across this type in my job, I can't just run away. I've learned how to operate fairly well in this situation, but people do sometimes take my kindness or laid back approach as weakness and will try to take advantage. Fact is, I don't allow myself to be taken advantage of and there is ALWAYS a violent reaction to my clear boundaries when they discover I'm not all the easy. If I am caught in the middle of a situation--I had two instances these past two weeks, where I was in the middle and couldn't really make decisions or direct the people--I can become a little frustrated... or not. I was successful in letting things ride out in one of the situations, but in the other, I ended up attempting to intervene and it was a bad idea... I guess. Actually it brought everything to the forefront which isn't bad in my opinion, but it was NOT pleasant. It ended up being very ugly.

These people are definitely on my doo-doo list, however, I still have to deal with them. They are spiteful and will continue to bad mouth for as long as they feel is necessary to pay back for not getting what they want. So, they have poured out their shame and lies, and I have worked really hard not to come under that, which is difficult for me. Its especially difficult because in my "intervening" I lost a little of the respect of people close to me. NOT REALLY lost respect, but kind of.  I HATE that. I'm a people pleaser and I hate when I do something that disappoints. So, in all reality, that's been my struggle these past few weeks. Feeling like I've disappointed people close to me... even about Noah, if truth be told.

Maybe I could have stayed home from the youth retreat to make sure he was ok. The boys didn't really know that he was in distress. Noah didn't complain much. Maybe I should have taken him to a different vet because I truly felt they weren't taking that great of concern about him. Its been very sad dealing with these feelings, that I could have done something differently. I guess that's normal.

And the youth retreat was some what of a disappointment too, but I had very little to do with that. We couldn't control the weather or who the kids got as their counselors. It just felt like a bunch of disappointments have all jumbled together. Disappointment about the retreat, and then coming home to Noah struggling for his last breath, and then the politics surrounding the musicals, as well as dealing with the clients at work, and Lil's work computer crashing on me, and feeling like it was my fault (even though I know that it wasn't).

These past two weeks have not been so good to me.

A Gazillion Thoughts

Ever have a gazillion thoughts flying around in your head for several daze on end... and the majority of them are generally... complaints? A few may be about some particularly troubling issues? And of course there are the things that need periodic adjustments for health and sanity's sake?

Maybe its because the year is coming to a close and its time to reevaluate. Maybe I'm just entering a season in life that scares me a little because I've been fairly comfortable for the past few years. Maybe its just the normal "ups and downs" of everyday life... or its because I'm feeling lonely and under appreciated (which happens on occasion--not necessarily for any logical reason).

Whatever the case may be, its uncomfortable for me to be in a negative space, and I don't like to be grumpy. I'm also not great at ignoring how I feel and pretending everything is fine. No. That may work for other people, but ignoring stuff that I need to process through, causes an even greater sense of despair. My gazillion thoughts can't be ignored. When I start feeling this way I know that I most likely need to talk through my stuff with someone... which may be why I feel a bit lonely. I've come to discover, after having a long talk with myself yesterday, that the less frequently I NEED a listening ear from another person, the less I find anyone paying attention when I do. That makes me sad. But I understand why it happens. I don't want to walk through life alone and maybe I have been creating the wrong atmosphere on the inside--the deeper part of me--where now have a locked door and high wall to keep myself from being so vulnerable, the way I used to.

There has always been a deep need in my being to have at least a few others who are tuned into the real me as I am tuned in to them. Over the last several years I've distanced myself from that need because it can be dangerous. It can be painful and disappointing. It HAS been painful and, quite frankly, devastating. Allowing people into the deeper thoughts and places of the heart can cause deep wounds and leave scars. I haven't been all that willing open up again.

Maybe I will resolve this coming year to allow deeper healing to come to those parts, and to allow the Lord to give me a new mission. Maybe. But seriously, why must I be a person who finds it necessary to be vulnerable? There are plenty of others who aren't vulnerable at all and yet live a fulfilling life (I'm guessing). I may have to figure this one out for myself once and for all.

Funny... I was going to post something about all my minor complaints. Get them off my chest. Make fun of a few people and get in trouble for offending someone I didn't expect to be reading my blog. HAH! I do tend to go with the flow.

Hope you are all well, at peace, and content (unlike me in this day).

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

Maybe this is the Crash

I feel like I've hit that wall I had expected to hit last  Monday after the show was over. I never really hit it then, because I had too many things I needed to handle before crashing. Now that Nate has made it to Peru and feeling good about his adventures, I can relax. It no longer requires my full attention and mental energy. He'll be away for 3 months and I'm not a big time worrier. Now that Jennah has come to the end of her ADRENALINE week and had an amazing time away at the ORU college weekend, I can rest my mind about that... and of course, take ANOTHER trip to the airport to pick her up this evening. I just "love" giving up those 5 hours of my day over and over again. (Third time to the airport in the past 10 daze. Thankfully it wasn't fifth time in the past 2 weeks, which it easily could have been, but I'm not the only one who can drive and pick up from the airport).

So, my eyes hurt today. Its been difficult to sleep well. I have this dull headache almost every day. My neck hurts. My hand still hurts from moving that heavy couch last week. The hubby is snoring a lot. There is so much going on with the kiddos--good stuff mostly, but it keeps my brain on overload. As of this past week, I have a friend on my mind who is really hurting... well actually more than one hurting friend that has been on my mind, and yet, at this particular time I have such little energy to muster in order to offer any real support. One friend in particular is in a lot of trouble with depression and it worries me quite a bit. Plus its beyond me to even know how to best be a support for this kind of mental state. I cannot fix people's problems. I don't need take on this burden that says its up to me to make it all better. Karenkool to save the day. Dah da da daaaah. However, I can love them whether their situation gets better or not. Maybe that's whats needed. Someone who will love and care for them even if nothing changes in their mental state. Usually I get frustrated or annoyed when a person can't snap out of it or immediately and be encouraged by my efforts to lift them up. I want to be the one to make it all better so I can feel so very good about myself. Anyone? Can you relate?

Actually though, I get nervous at times like these, when I truly care about a persons wellbeing and yet I am so exhausted and spent, that if I reach out with what I do have in my reserves, I just know that more is going to be expected from me. It may very well be more than what I have to offer. Maybe I am the only one expecting it from myself... to be able to give more or do more. Its like a catch twenty-two...  I want to give, but I know what is needed is way beyond me. And what if what I offer is all wrong and only makes things worse?

Why did Caleigh wake me up from my nap to ask if she could have some friends over. I really needed it. I think I will go take some emergen-C just to be sure this isn't my body, in its spent condition, fighting some virus.

Talk about Schooling Somebody

(If you don't understand the reference in the title go back one post and read that first--hah).

One of my daughters has been having a difficult year in school. I've heard the words, "I want to be home schooled"several times so far. And also "our school is too small. I want to go to Pierson." Or "I'm failing chemistry... I just don't get pre-cal... I hate school." But she keeps going and keeps trying to grasp what she can. My husband has told her to work hard while keeping the next exciting thing that's coming up as the goal  i.e. Thanksgiving cruise in 25 days.  That's what he does. Whenever that next vacation comes it is WELL DESERVED and MUCH NEEDED!!! Won't be long now.

As a parent, navigating our teenager's emotional roller coaster ride can be one of the greatest challenges. Sometimes, they have a passing meltdown that just needs to be listened to, or tolerated without getting annoyed, or maybe it should even be ignored because once its over its over. Other times there is a real attack going on against their emotional health and overall well being. They need help! During those delicate times is when negative beliefs can solidify in their hearts; wrong mindsets can be established; destructive vows sometimes are made which can stick with them for years to come. These are the times to step in with some necessary tools to help them gain a clearer understanding about what's happening. They can benefit from gentle leading and will absolutely benefit from tons of prayer. There is victory for them in getting to the other side of the dessert or the mountain or the valley of despair. Sometimes they do need an advocate to step in and help fight their battle. Sometimes they want nothing to do with us.

So how do we know which is which and when to do what?

Well, I've crafted some special dice to roll, different ones for each kid, which helps me decide. HAH! Nah. I try to listen closely and I've worked hard to sharpened my intuitional skills over the years. That coupled with prayer usually keeps me tuned in to what's really going on. Although... its still a bit of a crap shoot.

I hope I'm on the right track this time. As for the school issues, this mama bear is calling for some adjustments to be made for one of her cubs. (Ooooh but you should hear papa bear--haha). I've had quite the emotional ups and downs over at the school as a parent, and if you want to know the honest truth, its been nice to distance myself from the place these past 3 years. Sending six kids all through the same super small, k-12, public school can cause a parent to run out of steam and not be quite as engaged after 10 years  7 years. However, I still have 7 more years to go before they've all graduated!! I'm only a little more than halfway through. At least the last 4 years will be only one child in the school, rather than the time when I had all six in the same building AND I was PTO secretary/president plus volunteer PR person and lots more. Its was fun for a while, but then some things broke me and I had no desire to return.

Hoping this situation works out beautifully for my girl and that she might be able to start enjoying her educational process once again. God only knows what is yet ahead.

P.S. I was invited in a group email, to a friend's house for a medium reading (that's never happened before). Hey!!! Maybe the medium can consult the dead and those souls will know what's ahead for us. HAHA kidding kidding, I'm totally not into that scene. I was quite surprised about the invitation.

Ever Wanna Just School Somebody?

Sometimes I get the urge! I've learned to resist it, especially when it comes to people who aren't looking to be "told" if you get my meaning.

Side note: Its a completely different concept if we are talking about my own children and training them or advising them as they are growing up. Sometimes they get "told" whether they like it or not. heh heh heh

I use to think it was my duty as a church leader to "help people" gain the right perspective, as if I had a monopoly on the right perspective. Ah those were the daze. I definitely had some memorable run-ins with the feisty ones and basic turn-offs with the more passive ones, usually leaving me rather baffled.

Live and learn. I've done a little of both since those earlier daze and become a lot less judgmental about what is right for other people. More importantly, I've learned how to allow others their own path to discovery.  They really don't need me to lead them to any particular revelation about themselves. If they desire to discover truth, they will do it all on their own, just like I have. One of the most significant tools I've gained to date, is knowing that I can share my story with those who care to listen--maybe it will have an impact or maybe not--but my areas of growth are mine. My story is my story. My discoveries are specific to me! No one can take them away from me, and respectfully, I don't need to make them out to be something everyone else has to also learn.

Living my life this way has opened up a lot more doors than one would think. I guess my challenge now comes with those people who act like they know what everyone needs, or have their passive/aggressive judgmental comments peppered into conversations. I still want to school those people. But I will refrain. I used to BE them. Instead, I will continue on my journey of growth and discovery. I'm still not perfect--YET!!!!

P.S. If you want to know how to be Kool like me, let me know. I can help. ;-)

Not My Favorite Season

I've never much cared for Halloween! I do however like Snoopy. I had a stuffed Snoopy when I was young that I carried around with me everywhere, probably for several years straight. Before Snoopy, it was the blankey and finger sucking, but Snoopy must have helped me give those things up. Good Ole Snoopy!!And now I am hoping for Snoopy: the Musical to be chosen for the Bridgehampton school musical this year. It could happen. I would be excited.

As for the season of fall... I've never been a huge fan. It can be beautiful with the changing leaves, but its can also be a bit dreary and the colors can, on some years, be kind of brown. I guess it depends where you live and what kind of trees are local. The sugar maples are always AMAZING, but we don't have a ton of those growing here. The scrub oaks are what we have tons of, and they tend to turn brown if there is the least bit of rain during the changing of colors. BOOOO!! I want vibrant reds, oranges and yellows please. And I want them to stay for a while... long enough for me to get out there with my camera.

I did get out there this past weekend to get a few pics of Jennah. She's a beauty!

But back to the subject at hand, I don't really like the smell of the falling leaves, either. I've never appreciated that smell. I love the smell of springtime and SUMMER!!!!! Not so much fall and winter. And the leaves on the ground look so messy to me. Please don't make me go out and blow the leaves or rake them up. There will be a ton more to do again next week... and the next. I'd rather mow the grass twice a week, then rake leaves. The scent of fresh cut grass vs. decomposing leaves? There's a definite winner there.

And should I even mention Halloween? My dear friend, Sohailah and I, back in our college daze, always referred to it as Hell-o-ween, but that name is actually taken. (It's a German heavy metal band from the google search I just did). Anyway, I'm not a sour puss about Halloween, I just really don't care for it very much. I love a great scare, but I don't get what all the celebration is about. However, I would get a kick out of having an adult Halloween dress-up party with my friends. I can't do it this year because of the show performances, but maybe next year. HAH!

So there you have it. I just thought I'd share another very "informative" blog post with you fine readers.

P.S. As of this morning, Nate is back home from visiting his sister down in St. Augustine for a week. He'll be leaving the country for 3 months in another week from now. I'm gonna miss my boy. I already miss my Florida girl. I can hardly imagine how life will feel come next August, when another daughter will be college bound. :-|

My Girl

Of course, I have several girls, but today Jennah gets featured. I call her my girl because she has her mother's resemblance the most out of all of them. She's definitely taller than me and probably smarter... (I have the experience over her, but she enjoys studying and homework, which was never the case with me).

Here she is with her cousin's baby boy, Jonnie Trace, who looks very much like his dad who is latino.

So this has been a big week.

First point of news: Jennah's high school volleyball team has made it to playoffs which start next week. Today's game will determine who they will play first in the sudden death tournament (or however that works). I can't tell you how much I have enjoyed watching her develop her game over the years. She started in 7th grade and has stuck with it through all the ups and downs. Her hard work has paid off. She's consistent and their team just keeps getting better. Six seniors will be moving on after this season. I hope the remaining and upcoming players for next season find their rhythm quickly.

Second piece: Jennah was accepted to Oral Roberts University two daze ago. That's where she wants to attend. That's the only school she planned on applying to, in spite of all the dissenting voices around her. Its not that peers and guidance counselors think she shouldn't go there, they just thought she needed to broaden her options. But when you know, you know. Anyway, she's already been accepted and its only October. Think about what a stress reliever that is, not to have to go through all that rigamarole of applications and worry and having too many options and not knowing where or what or how. Now all we need to figure out is the HOW! Its not cheap, but we know that everything will be provided when its all said and done.

In November, when she heads to Oklahoma for a college weekend, she has an interview for the Whole Person Scholarship and will also audition for the musical theatre department. She'll be doing this all by herself. I remember auditioning for the music department when I was visiting for a college weekend, but my parents were there, too. We aren't going out there with her. So GO JENNAH!!! She's a brave soul. There isn't much that causes her to shrink away from doing something she wants to do.
(She does, however, shrink away from answering her phone and doing the household chores assigned. It may be the her only weakness). HAHAH

Thirdly: This is her senior year. Holy Moley. Some things in her line up, to make this year count for all its worth, she will audition for the neighboring school's musical, which is Chorus Line. Auditions are in November. Her own school also has a musical which will be auditioning in March. Its not determined which one they are doing yet, but she will definitely have some kind of featured part. I think she got the theater bug!!! She's pretty much a shoe in for Valedictorian of her class. Oh boy oh boy. My heart swells with pride over our children. Aren't we the lucky ones?

We are taking the girls on a cruise over Thanksgiving--a much desired adventure for Jennah. We will also visit my parents, my brother and Anika while we are there. It should be quite a whirlwind. What else can we squeeze into the picture.

I can't wait to see all that the future holds for Jennah this final year of high school... our middle child. So far its going pretty well!!! (Is there a middle when you have six)?