Ever Wanna Just School Somebody?

Sometimes I get the urge! I've learned to resist it, especially when it comes to people who aren't looking to be "told" if you get my meaning.

Side note: Its a completely different concept if we are talking about my own children and training them or advising them as they are growing up. Sometimes they get "told" whether they like it or not. heh heh heh

I use to think it was my duty as a church leader to "help people" gain the right perspective, as if I had a monopoly on the right perspective. Ah those were the daze. I definitely had some memorable run-ins with the feisty ones and basic turn-offs with the more passive ones, usually leaving me rather baffled.

Live and learn. I've done a little of both since those earlier daze and become a lot less judgmental about what is right for other people. More importantly, I've learned how to allow others their own path to discovery.  They really don't need me to lead them to any particular revelation about themselves. If they desire to discover truth, they will do it all on their own, just like I have. One of the most significant tools I've gained to date, is knowing that I can share my story with those who care to listen--maybe it will have an impact or maybe not--but my areas of growth are mine. My story is my story. My discoveries are specific to me! No one can take them away from me, and respectfully, I don't need to make them out to be something everyone else has to also learn.

Living my life this way has opened up a lot more doors than one would think. I guess my challenge now comes with those people who act like they know what everyone needs, or have their passive/aggressive judgmental comments peppered into conversations. I still want to school those people. But I will refrain. I used to BE them. Instead, I will continue on my journey of growth and discovery. I'm still not perfect--YET!!!!

P.S. If you want to know how to be Kool like me, let me know. I can help. ;-)

Not My Favorite Season

I've never much cared for Halloween! I do however like Snoopy. I had a stuffed Snoopy when I was young that I carried around with me everywhere, probably for several years straight. Before Snoopy, it was the blankey and finger sucking, but Snoopy must have helped me give those things up. Good Ole Snoopy!!And now I am hoping for Snoopy: the Musical to be chosen for the Bridgehampton school musical this year. It could happen. I would be excited.

As for the season of fall... I've never been a huge fan. It can be beautiful with the changing leaves, but its can also be a bit dreary and the colors can, on some years, be kind of brown. I guess it depends where you live and what kind of trees are local. The sugar maples are always AMAZING, but we don't have a ton of those growing here. The scrub oaks are what we have tons of, and they tend to turn brown if there is the least bit of rain during the changing of colors. BOOOO!! I want vibrant reds, oranges and yellows please. And I want them to stay for a while... long enough for me to get out there with my camera.

I did get out there this past weekend to get a few pics of Jennah. She's a beauty!

But back to the subject at hand, I don't really like the smell of the falling leaves, either. I've never appreciated that smell. I love the smell of springtime and SUMMER!!!!! Not so much fall and winter. And the leaves on the ground look so messy to me. Please don't make me go out and blow the leaves or rake them up. There will be a ton more to do again next week... and the next. I'd rather mow the grass twice a week, then rake leaves. The scent of fresh cut grass vs. decomposing leaves? There's a definite winner there.

And should I even mention Halloween? My dear friend, Sohailah and I, back in our college daze, always referred to it as Hell-o-ween, but that name is actually taken. (It's a German heavy metal band from the google search I just did). Anyway, I'm not a sour puss about Halloween, I just really don't care for it very much. I love a great scare, but I don't get what all the celebration is about. However, I would get a kick out of having an adult Halloween dress-up party with my friends. I can't do it this year because of the show performances, but maybe next year. HAH!

So there you have it. I just thought I'd share another very "informative" blog post with you fine readers.

P.S. As of this morning, Nate is back home from visiting his sister down in St. Augustine for a week. He'll be leaving the country for 3 months in another week from now. I'm gonna miss my boy. I already miss my Florida girl. I can hardly imagine how life will feel come next August, when another daughter will be college bound. :-|

My Girl

Of course, I have several girls, but today Jennah gets featured. I call her my girl because she has her mother's resemblance the most out of all of them. She's definitely taller than me and probably smarter... (I have the experience over her, but she enjoys studying and homework, which was never the case with me).

Here she is with her cousin's baby boy, Jonnie Trace, who looks very much like his dad who is latino.

So this has been a big week.

First point of news: Jennah's high school volleyball team has made it to playoffs which start next week. Today's game will determine who they will play first in the sudden death tournament (or however that works). I can't tell you how much I have enjoyed watching her develop her game over the years. She started in 7th grade and has stuck with it through all the ups and downs. Her hard work has paid off. She's consistent and their team just keeps getting better. Six seniors will be moving on after this season. I hope the remaining and upcoming players for next season find their rhythm quickly.

Second piece: Jennah was accepted to Oral Roberts University two daze ago. That's where she wants to attend. That's the only school she planned on applying to, in spite of all the dissenting voices around her. Its not that peers and guidance counselors think she shouldn't go there, they just thought she needed to broaden her options. But when you know, you know. Anyway, she's already been accepted and its only October. Think about what a stress reliever that is, not to have to go through all that rigamarole of applications and worry and having too many options and not knowing where or what or how. Now all we need to figure out is the HOW! Its not cheap, but we know that everything will be provided when its all said and done.

In November, when she heads to Oklahoma for a college weekend, she has an interview for the Whole Person Scholarship and will also audition for the musical theatre department. She'll be doing this all by herself. I remember auditioning for the music department when I was visiting for a college weekend, but my parents were there, too. We aren't going out there with her. So GO JENNAH!!! She's a brave soul. There isn't much that causes her to shrink away from doing something she wants to do.
(She does, however, shrink away from answering her phone and doing the household chores assigned. It may be the her only weakness). HAHAH

Thirdly: This is her senior year. Holy Moley. Some things in her line up, to make this year count for all its worth, she will audition for the neighboring school's musical, which is Chorus Line. Auditions are in November. Her own school also has a musical which will be auditioning in March. Its not determined which one they are doing yet, but she will definitely have some kind of featured part. I think she got the theater bug!!! She's pretty much a shoe in for Valedictorian of her class. Oh boy oh boy. My heart swells with pride over our children. Aren't we the lucky ones?

We are taking the girls on a cruise over Thanksgiving--a much desired adventure for Jennah. We will also visit my parents, my brother and Anika while we are there. It should be quite a whirlwind. What else can we squeeze into the picture.

I can't wait to see all that the future holds for Jennah this final year of high school... our middle child. So far its going pretty well!!! (Is there a middle when you have six)?

Four Shows Down Eight to Go

One of the cast mates took this iphone pic at our restaurant-outing after the Saturday show. This is the pit band-- minus my daughter Jennah who is in the middle. From left to right: Dave (drummer), me (pianist) Jennah (not in the band), Abby (violinist) and Kyle (awesome bass player). We are having a lot of fun. I'm friends with Dave who is also my kids' music teacher at the school. This is the first opportunity for me to play a show of any kind with him and he is steady eddy! Just an all-around good guy. 

Abby is young and full of life and she finds her way right into the middle of the "party". I can't understand people like that (just kidding). She's doing a great job. She's got a lot of energy, so I'm not sure why she drinks the red bull before the show. There have been interesting notes happening throughout, but to be fair, sometimes they aren't just coming from her. Like I said in my last post... I can practice and practice and still play things wrong. I think some people just have the ability to play things perfectly and others are missing a few elements in how the messages go to the brain and back, which allow for imperfections. For me, I'm even having eye sight issues, so the dark lighting and badly copied music gives me no leg up. 

Kyle is a total pleasure to work with. He's student teaching and at the cusp of his career. He's talking about a masters program and he's one of those top notch musicians who also shares his gift through teaching. He is very talented and plays just about every instrument, as well as being a singer. He also does vocal percussion, like you wouldn't believe. Nice guy.

All in all, our four shows so far have gone well. There are always bumps along the way. Can someone please explain to me who is running the thermostat? Sometimes the air is on super cold, which makes me feel badly for the audience because it freezes them out even though its very nice for the band and the actors back stage, all cramped behind one curtain for their dressing room. Other times, the air isn't on very much and we swelter. I was so hot on Saturday, I felt like a had a fever. My face was flush the entire show. And let me tell you, I had a difficult time with the music, playing the most random wrong notes. It was a quandary.  I'd start an intro to a song and my left hand would be on the starting notes and my right hand would somehow drift a half step to the wrong notes for the very first chord. CLANG! Just random mistakes I'd never made before. It happened similarly about 3 times during the night... at places in the music where it would have been obvious for anyone who has an ear for music. What the heck was wrong with me? Of course, I'd correct things immediately and keep everything going, but the faces of horror and apology and pleading I'd give to my fellow band mates gave them a chuckle. Ugh. It wasn't extremely terrible, just subtlety terrible. And I wasn't very happy about it.

Yesterday, I mentioned this to my fiddler before going out to play the matinee. I said how I hoped it wasn't going to be so hot, because it really effected me yesterday. She retorted, "I know. You were playing wrong notes all over the place!" OH!!! RUDE!!! I was mad already (which I let them know) because they got there about 45 minutes late, with no warning or phone call or even an apology, but that comment ticked me off. Not because it wasn't partly true, but because she tends to play wrong notes and poor tuning all over the place every time we play!! And furthermore, did she actually think I didn't know that I was having trouble? That's what I was admitting to in the first place. It was probably just her young age mixed with her personality and Turkish culture, to come out and be so blunt to the music director who got her the job. It's no big deal. But I can't say I didn't seethe a little about it throughout the entire show. Maybe it really helped me. I played a great show (except for one bad chord). She however, had what our cast calls "a shit show" and she admitted it at intermission. She shouldn't have been so ungracious in her judgment towards me. Maybe I would have been a little more gracious in this post. heh heh heh

Something Shifted

I've been playing the piano since I was three years old (so my mother tells everyone). I took lessons all my growing up years and studied classical music in college, receiving a bachelor's degree in music, piano performance. Its never only been classical music for me, though. I've also played all other kinds of music along the way (some more proficiently than others).

I practiced a lot as a youngster thanks to my mom for setting that timer when I really wanted to go outside and play, but heck. My one hour a day of practicing was no where near as much as other young musicians who went on to the big leagues of success. It was never really in my make-up to go in that direction anyway. I am a good musician... but I never imagine a lifetime of performing as a career. I am doing just fine with my music career... even with my rusty skills. After all, once I graduated from the university I got married and had SIX KIDS!! That stuff comes before music for me. And having six kids is certainly not the life of a concert pianist. Hah!

I have continued my music for all these years, but actually, my classical chops have long been tucked away and remain as a solid foundation for everything I do. Probably 90% of my "contemporary/local" friends have never even heard me play a single classical piece. I few piano bar tunes, pop songs, and worship music, but no Beethoven or Chopin. Anyway, I'm playing shows now (musicals). It seems to have become my new stage in life and I getting more and more work coming my way. I love it. Its a very nice challenge. Its also exhausting. I must be careful how much I take on.

I'm musical director for a show presently, not to be confused with being THE DIRECTOR. Musical director means that I teach and rehearse all the music with the cast and give direction to the music aspect of the show. I've already been doing this with middle school kids for the past 3 years, but what I'm doing now is different. I'm working with adults!! Its not my first time as musical director for adults, but this time it feels different. Things have shifted in my confidence. I like how it feels. The position is  challenging on a personal level, which is what I need. And I've been greatly appreciated (verbally) which also feels good.

I've struggled on and off in my life with confidence issues and perfectionism. I'm definitely NOT an obsessed perfectionist, or I would be practicing non stop for hours every day. No. I don't get obsessed with being perfect, because first of all, there is no joy in that, and I tend to be a joyful, fun-loving person. And secondly, I know that it is impossible to be perfect. I like to shoot for things that are attainable in reality. Truth be told, even if I practiced like a maniac, I'd probably still play it wrong sometimes. (I do practice--just not obsessively). I'm not happy about things not being right. I want harmonies to be right. I want rhythms and notes to be right. Lyrics. Tempos. Musicality. Timing. NOTES! PERFECTION!! But I'm ok when its not, because that's live performance. There is an art to convincing everyone that you are right even when it wasn't suppose to be done that way. So, using your skills to make mistakes look good can also play into the picture of a decent performance. But as long as we are still in rehearsal, I want everyone to work their hardest at getting it RIGHT. My standards are high. (I just wish everything I played was right!!!).

I've spent a lot of time working with the cast, rehearsing them, developing friendships, getting on their cases when they've forgotten something we've gone over a gazillion times already. But as of yesterday my attention has turned. Last night's rehearsal took things to a whole new level. We added the rest of the pit band. I was quite nervous all day about it. Its hard to direct a band while your hands are on the piano. But they are pretty good at picking up my head-nod cues and reading my lips. Haha. And then suddenly! dress rehearsal is tonight... which is rather quick after only one rehearsal together. Its time to perform.  I feel confident about my work. However....

I better go practice.

The Offspring

I have six.

You already know that.

How can some of them be so different in their personality make-up? The thought dawned on me this morning (again) when I dropped one of my daughters off to an empty parking lot. I asked her, "Are you sure anyone is coming?" I was ready to wait in the car with her until someone showed, but she said, "Its ok. They will be here soon. I'll just wait on the bench." (They were going to another school to watch a volleyball playoff game). I was thinking, had it been a particular other daughter of mine, she would have told me to wait there with her until someone, not just anyone, but someone with whom she felt comfortable talking to arrived. Or more likely, she would have made a friend ride there with her just to be sure she wouldn't be "alone". Of course, sometimes the differences have all to do with their stages in life and maturity levels. But its definitely ALSO personality differences. They both make my heart swell.

My boyz are so different, too. Even their particular jobs and what they do after work almost gives them a polar opposite appearance. One comes home from the marina looking like he just walked out of a GQ magazine with preppy clothes and money falling out of his pockets (haha) and then other one comes home looking like he was dragged behind the quad and the trail for two miles. When he puts his laundry through the cycles, there are usually a pocket full of wire connectors or screws clanging around in the dryer, and none of his work clothes ever come out looking clean. It makes you wonder how soon the boss is going to put in the next company tee-shirt order to get his boyz looking decent again. I enjoy both of them tremendously.

I have a daughter living on her own while attending college. She tells everyone one of us we need to come visit her. Actually we are going south to visit her around Thanksgiving, but her brother decided to find some flights and spend a week with her this month before he leaves on his winter adventures to South and Central America. As a mama it makes me so happy to see that my kids love each other and want to spend time together.

The youngest makes sure that she is included in her siblings adventures at least some of the time. She's going to end up having the best of both worlds; being loved by her siblings and yet being spoiled the most, being the last one remaining before heading off to independence.

I have to admit that I enjoy the process of watching them live their lives and dream their dreams. I'm not always happy about everything they do or feel. Seeing them grapple and struggle with life's circumstances is challenging to watch. Sometimes I try to speak into a situation or give them guidance or advice and other times I have to zip my lip and allow them to find the answers on their own. I do enjoying watching them learn and grow and discover who they are. More than anything, I want them to discover who they are meant to be; who they've been created to be. But then I remember that I'm still trying to figure that out myself, at 46 years old. I suppose its a life long process. For me anyway. I like arriving at those peaks and mountain tops in my life, but I never find satisfaction in staying there for very long. I see the next one and I want to go to it, so the journey continues...