The Crash

Its no mystery that I'm a people person. Its also no secret that I thrive on a busy schedule (as long as my busyness involves having connection with people). My life has been full of people and busyness over the past many months. 

In June, our fourth child graduated from high school Valedictorian. 

In August, we had an amazing adventure to Alaska together with two other couples and a few kids. 

A week after that trip we sent said daughter off to her first year in college 2500 miles away. 

Also we had a family wedding to attend in North Carolina and another daughter to kiss goodbye for her third year 2000 miles away at college. 

September meant school began again with only two kids left to graduate. 

Columbus weekend was another family wedding in Maine. 

September also gave me some decisions to make. I was asked to music direct three musicals. I was already locked into one, when the next one I normally have done, was switched from the spring to the fall. I thought it would be crazy to take on two shows at the same time, but then the third show I've been doing for four consecutive years, also was suddenly switched from the spring to the fall. Now I was left to see if there was any possibility to swing three. Finances were a motivating factor with two in college. So, after much prayer, deliberation and calendar crunching, I decided to go for it. Its not a decision I regret. I didn't regret it once.

Here are a few pics...

Super fun pit band for "The World Goes Round" and the Director

Fabulous Cast whom I miss dearly

Great show with the school kids

Cast, Crew, Director, and me

Joy of my heart to see them grow so much

Performances for The World Goes Round ran for three weekends (12 shows). That was an all-music show, which got amazing reviews. I was so proud of the work!!! Loved the cast and it was an all-around great experience. I suffered great disappointment that so few of my friends and family came out. People who aren't performers don't seem to understand...

Fame was my show with the Sag Harbor middle school (sorry no pics) which was challenging to pull together but it went great, and The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee, the Bridgehampton high school show also was fabulous. These two shows both performed on the same weekend, which was the following weekend after closing World. I played the piano for the high school show and someone else played for the middle school show. Basically, my life revolved around practicing music for 3-4 hours in the morning while accomplishing my other office work, trying to get some kind of food in the crockpot, walking the dog, then running to rehearsals for one show and on the rehearsals for one of the other shows and getting home around 10pm, every week day for 10 weeks. We also had a fall youth retreat on one of the weekends in October where I was one of the speakers. It was busy. Exhausting. Exhilarating!!!

I knew the end was coming. I knew it was going to be quite an abrupt halt. I even warned the people around me that I was worried about it, because it's all very emotional; the highs from the successful performances. to the let down of it being over, to the pile-up of uninspiring work on the home front that needs to be tackled, to the utter boredom and sense of uselessness because the thrill and hard work and inspiration is gone. Oh, and did I mention the disappointments that start plaguing the mind, about people who didn't care enough to come out for the shows, or other various things that spring up to have to battle?

For me, more than anything, its the sudden lack of connection with the many people I've bonded with and taught music to for several weeks; its the lack of motivation to practice, because there's nothing challenging on the horizon to work towards; its the end of three major projects with very little to fill the void.

The depression and blues try to take over. Those closest, don't understand. And I mean CLUELESS!! I fade away into the background, because I suddenly can't connect to people easily with all the roller-coaster of emotion I'm working through. Its literally a grieving process. Seems silly, but it can't be helped. And then, there's the people who say, "I bet its a relief that its all over!" NO!!! Its not. I feel lost.

Having Thanksgiving holiday right now does not help. Having three of my six children somewhere else in the world and not home, does not help. Having none of my extended family to spend the meal together with, adds fuel to the sadness. I CAN find things to be thankful for, of course, but sadness is what I'm really feeling.

I'm making plans to start teaching privately again. I wish I felt more excited about it. I guess I like project-oriented stuff. There are plenty of things in my life that I do, regularly, for work. Some weeks I like what I'm doing just fine or at least I don't mine it. Other weeks it is painful and a drudgery, but I keep going. I keep moving forward. ITS NOT INSPIRATIONAL! Not everything has to be, however, I'm an artist. I am motivated by doing things that require my creative abilities--and when they are running full throttle, it motivates me to get all the less inspiring things accomplished, as well. It keeps me in a good place mentally. My soul is fed. This is how I am wired.

So, for now I'm a bit lost. It won't last forever. Its just something I must work through. I was just about to start rehearsals this coming week for an original play to be performed in January, but wouldn't you know, there was a scheduling conflict that caused me to decline the role. Its hitting me kind of hard and I'm a little angry. There are reasons for that, but it was my own choice to forego the play. I could have chosen to do it and skip out on one of the conflicts. Instead, I am "dying to self" on this one... and I don't like "dying to self." If I felt I was making the choice because I knew it was the right thing to do, maybe I'd be ok about it. Instead, I just feel like my needs aren't always that important... or maybe they just aren't understood. But then again, maybe I don't need what I think I need to be a person who makes a difference in this world.

I'll need to keep taking trips to the beach so at least Peppermint will be happy. Pepper's needs are important, too.

Drama! Drama! Drama!

Here's the cast singing their final song of the show "If Just One Person Believes in You"

Opening song "The World According to Snoopy" with Jennah playing Snoopy

That's me (Schroeder), playing the Overture

Here they are singing one of my favorites "Edgar Allen Poe." Lizzy is in the middle playing Charlie Brown.

"The Vigil" being sung by Linus with Snoopy and Woodstock staying with him in the patch until the Great Pumpkin arrives.

The peanuts gang see all kinds of shapes in the clouds for the song "Clouds" and poor Chuck gets sung over every time he tries to say what he sees. Cute number.

What a fabulous time we had preparing for the show and performing it.  Its become super clear to me that kids have (we all have) plenty of drama in our lives, but it makes such a difference to have the opportunity to express it on stage. Its a lot more positive to be dramatic and express emotions and thoughts in a show, than to create ridiculous drama in real life with senseless scenarios, potentially bringing others down for no good reason. There are lots of people who absolutely NEED drama in their lives. They are addicted to it even. Its dysfunction at its finest. I say, "Do yourself a favor and get involved with theater!!" It takes a lot more commitment and character to apply yourself in theater, than to stir up trouble among your community. However, self created drama is easier and more natural. It doesn't require character development, so the people who truly need to find a better outlet for their drama, usually won't find the theater. Its sad but true. Sometimes, some of the most emotional and dramatic kids really only need an outlet to perform, where they can receive attention in a positive way. Other kids won't take that step, and they will ultimately grow up demonstrating dysfunction in all of their relationships. They will teach it to their children as well.

Don't get me wrong, there is a ton of dysfunction among performers as well, but just think of what those crazy theater people would be like if they didn't even have the stage as an outlet. HOLY COW THAT WOULD BE BAD!!! hahaha All I'm saying is that there are a lot of kids who need the opportunity to perform in the dramatic arts. And its wonderful that the Bridgehampton School is providing that opportunity for its students now. Hooray!

Anyway, "coming down" from this show is going to be tough, even personally for me. I've spent countless hours working on the music and a bunch of other aspects for this program. Its been a great time for me!!! Its what I enjoy doing. Terry asked me what the next big thing was that we should be getting ready for. All I could come up with was Jennah's graduation, which isn't until the end of June. There must be something ELSE happening in between!!!  Not just the mundane regular stuff... (Oh wait. I just thought of something).

The Adventures of Karenkool

I have not had much time to blog this month. Did you miss me? Yea, I thought so. Hahaha.

So many opportunities have come along for me lately, which have been really inspiring for my creative side. I'm sure I've mentioned before, how I've grown up with this attitude of downplaying my accomplishments; acting like my performances and what not are just a normal everyday thing and no big deal. There are many reasons for that, but it probably all goes back to my former "people pleaser" tendencies. I would downplay things I really needed to be cheered for because I didn't want people not to like me for shining too brightly. But really, I have a personality the needs to be applauded and encouraged and told when I've done something good or pleasing. Its just how I was wired.

You can definitely say I've never really been a prima dona--a diva. Divas wouldn't care less who likes them or not. They are all about being the "biggest thing going" for miles around. But I'm the opposite. I'm usually concerned that everyone around me feels special and comfortable and paid attention, too. However, I do also like to be in the center of the action helping to create the fun. I do like getting the credit for something I've done. Its really hard for me when someone else gets praised for something I was responsible for, but I wouldn't usually say anything. Its a fine balancing act.

Anyway... are you wondering what I've been doing? Over the past couple months, in addition to my regular work from the home, I was accompanying for an 8-week vocal class for young teens. It really wasn't a big deal. I wasn't leading the class and didn't have much opportunity for input, because the teacher was in charge and knew what she wanted. I don't think she noticed whether I had any real talent, until the performance. She was rather impressed with my musicality and skill at the piano (and I know this because she told me--about the musicality part, not that she didn't notice anything before). Anyway, she asked if I would be able to teach a musical theater class over the spring break because she couldn't do it this year. And yes, I would be able and that's what I did all this last week.

The class was for 8-12 yr olds and I co-taught it with a personal friend, who had already taught the camp several times. I followed her lead and added my expertise to the picture as I saw where I had things to contribute. We had great fun together. She lead most of the theater games. I had a few games that went over ok, but not really. They were meant for developing skills more, but I guess would have worked for the older age group. We mostly had the younger end. Anyway, we had a nice balance going between us. I was "music" and "keeping order", she was "dance" and "hug magnet". We shared the other stuff. And I was really excited about writing the script. On the first day, we took down stories from the kids about friendship and also found out what talents they may want to share and I went home and incorporated all of it into a show. Bethany helped edit lines and other details. I was feeling pretty good about what I was able to develop in one night. It left us only 4 days to teach the kids. The performance was also on the 4th day. And you know what? They did it. They pulled it off and it was awesome. We had a company number at the beginning, a company dance at the end and several scenes that all connected with poetry, and musical or dance talents... and voila. I also made programs for the show and awards for us to give to each of the kids. My co-teacher had karaoke songs for the pop stuff, taught the dancing and staged the company numbers while I accompanied on the piano. She picked up cupcakes and well... we rocked it!! The parents LOVED it. The kids LOVED it. The person who hired me for the camp (who also had a child in the camp) LOVED it. So, I'm sharing with you my sense of satisfaction and accomplishment. Thank you. Thank you very much. :-)

I have felt really good lately about some other things, too. I've done a few deep cleaning projects in the house where no one else has really noticed, but its made me happy. My cooking has been really good since my husband realized that I needed to also be recognized as a cook in the home, not just him. And my kids have been so complimentary, which is nice. I had two short days to prepare a very difficult song from Handel's Messiah for the Easter service. I had never sung the solo before so it was a risk, but they loved it. Next time I would definitely want to work for a few weeks on it to feel completely satisfied. But I was happy that I leaped over the edge on that one, rather than staying in my comfy place.

I was a little grumpy yesterday, which may have had a little to do with finding the puppy laying on the kitchen table when I got home from church and seeing my house in a disastrous mess when we had people coming over for Easter dinner. (That's what a week away from the home will do). But mostly I have been happy and feeling good. I've come out of the slump--weeks of depression--which was no fun at all. And I thank you, Jesus, for rescuing me and using others to throw me a lifeline. I need people, and I need to feel the love of God through those around me, too. How about you?

Closing of the Show

Photography credits go to Tom Koechi. He's a great guy, btw.

So, I was in a show, but I was not on stage this time. The show was called Working, and it was a "job" for me. I was in the pit band playing the piano. No wait! Actually, I was the musical director--HELLO!!! I guess I'm still a little bit in that age-old mode of down playing my role. I shared the musical director role because I had to leave town the week before the show on our trip our to the mid-west, and another guy came in to sub in my absence. He was also great, but I was still a big part in directing the musical portion of the show and making it happen musically. I actually dressed up for all 12 performances. Each night I wore something different. Pretty impressive. I think there may have been only one or two pictures taken of me. Ho hum.

Next time I want to be THE musical director. Because too many cooks in the kitchen spoil the pot. HAHA. And for real, music is the department I've been trained in... officially... as in: college degree. Sure, it's been a long, long time since I was in college, and so many, many experiences have I had, between my "official" education, and this particular job. But all of that counts as education, really. How can I even count the ways? I did get rusty in some of my skills, over the years, but I haven't forgotten my training. It's like learning to ride a bike.

In the past 25 years I've had lots of paid gigs and even more volunteer ones. But oh, so many children have I had... so many years of being a "housewife". It really does play on your sense of self-worth, in this society. Being a housewife. (There was a song in the show called Just a Housewife which tells my story perfectly).

"All I am is just a housewife, nothing special, nothing great. What I do is kinda boring, if you'd rather, it can wait. All I am is someone's mother, All I am is someone's wife. All of which seems unimportant, all it is is, just my life.... What I do, What I choose to do may be dumb to you but it's not to me. Is dumb that they need me there? Is it dumb to care? Cause I do, ya see. And I mean did you ever stop and think, really stop and think what a job it was, doing all the things that a housewife does."

Actually this song has a great message (there's more to it), all wrapped up in a somewhat beaten-down character. It's been my experience to feel this way according to society. But I am proud of what I've done. Screw those who don't get it! (excuse my language but I live in NY and the language gets much more abusive than mine).

Besides that though...

I do love being ON STAGE. Its a huge challenge and adventure, although my confidence is WAY more shaky being on stage than playing in the pit band. But, I also loved being the musical director. I still have a long way to go in perfecting my piano playing skills. I can teach vocal parts pretty darn good, especially if given the time. I can learn my music and spend a lot of time working on it, but can someone please tell me the trick to page turning, because that was my nemesis. I had the most trouble turning pages for myself and still making everything happen. Grrrrr. Most of my blunders during the show had to do with page turns. Sometime the pages would double up when I'd flipped them, which would cause some serious challenges for me, trying to flip back one and keep something going either in the right or left hand. Someone needs to come up with an electronic devise with a foot switch. I only had a drummer and guitarist to rely on, and sometimes they would not realize what was going on when I had a demon turning my pages for me. Agggghhhhh!!!!

I have to say that I LOVED my boyz in the pit. They were both music majors going into their 3rd year of college. Same age as my oldest son. I really liked and respected them both. I think I'd actually like one of them to meet Anika and marry her one day. LOL. That's what kind of great guys they were... and so very interesting and smart!! The always wore shorts and t-shirts to the show. The drummer always wore bare feet. Classy.

Anyway, I won't go on and on. I just thought I'd update. I must also say that I was completely impressed with each and every cast member. The show is made up of monologues and songs and the monologues impacted me greatly. I heard each monologue over 12 times, but every single time I heard them performed it was impressive! Seriously. Lots of talent. And the songs were great too, but I can't pay as close attention to what the singers are performing when I'm playing the piano... and trying to turn pages. >:-/ LOL

I think I'd like to do more shows as musical director.

After the Curtain Closes...

OK. We didn't have a curtain for our Charitable Cabaret, but we had a great closing show. I'm a little sad that I have no pictures to share. Seriously!!! After all the pictures I have taken of my kids during their special events... after buying a nice camera for my daughter... after the many times they have all taken turns borrowing my camera for their own good pleasure, could no one have considered that I might like to have a few shots taken at my performance?? I even dressed up for it and everything. LOL.

Anyway, I really enjoyed this one. I played the 9 ft Baldwin piano in the pit band (band of 3 and sometimes of only 2)... but I think Fitzy, the drummer, and I were a pretty darn good duo. And furthermore, I liked it. Honestly, I wasn't sure I would like doing the show, I was nervous all through the Jamaica vacation about it, because of the endeavor being such an unknown for me, but I really did have fun. I even ended up singing a song from the piano. So, if you weren't there, you missed it. My favorites were the tap dancing numbers. The dancing was fabulous. Every one of those 20 somethings in the cast are so talented and creative... and also, I think they are starting to "get me" a little better since the last show. They probably don't know anyone like me or anyone my age or with six kids and still involved in theater, so I can understand the confusion. HAh! It's an eye-opener for me as well, getting to see how their generation thinks. But that's what I enjoy, getting to know how people think and what makes them tick. Good times.

So... what now? I had so much to juggle over the past few weeks and now, over these past two daze it has  been very quiet. Not only quiet, but boring. Not only boring, but dreary. I'm ok with all of that, because I've needed some down time. But two days is enough.  I need to now get myself headed in the right direction with a to do list and whatnot.

I have a lot coming up the pike.

Getting the pool ready.
Finishing the basement.
Getting Luke home before summer is over (that's a long story I will tell once he's home with the Lancer).
Nate and Jolene's party.
Nate's Graduation.
Jolene's departure.
Terry's birthday.
Our family vacation to Michigan and Indiana.
Sohailah's wedding in Oklahoma.

And everything that comes along in between these events which will probably show up within the next week. I'm not ready for my head to start spinning again quite yet, so I guess I'll go back to bed for another day.

It Was a Big Weekend!!

I don't know how we did it, but it went great and with little to no stress involved. I did get annoyed yesterday because of my children changing all the plans on me, making my life all that more complicated. But it worked out. Yay.

Caleigh and Anika were in a ballet over the weekend with performances on Friday, Saturday and Sunday.

Caleigh is in the back on the left. I don't know why she's all the way in the back. She literally knew the dance the best and performed it perfectly. Not even saying that from a bias opinion. I didn't say it to her though, because she's the one who asked, "When will I get my own dressing room?"

There was a beautiful performance of Scenes from Swan Lake.

 I don't know any of these girls except Megan, the Swan Queen.

 Caleigh had fun with her Flower Girls.

Ciena danced beautifully as the Firebird in The Magic Firebird.

Anika was brought in last minute to play the role of the evil Immortal, Kashchei. Creepy Fun.

 ...with her long curly nails.

 Prince Ivan was under Kashchei's spell.

 The four princesses pleaded with Kashchei to release them all from the spell (or something like that).

Kashchei thought that was the most ridiculous request ever, and made further trouble for the Prince and Princess.

They were all terribly afraid.

But the magic Firebird owed the Prince a favor, because he had once captured her, letting her go with her promise to protect him in the enchanted forest.

 Firebird combatted Kashchei.

She told Prince Ivan about the secret egg that contained all of Kashchei's power. So he broke it and in doing so broke the spell.

There was great rejoicing.

And the prince and princess could now be happily joined in marriage.

Flower girls take their bows. (Caleigh seemed a bit put off when everyone came for their bows and stood in front of them).

Anika with her besties... Aubri and Ciena.

I'll have to tell you about my show, which was also this past weekend--Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday--in the next post. Fun, fun and good times.

Los Ants

Its a silly play written by one of the students and performed by Nate and Brandon. Its 10 minutes long.

Good Bye to Paris

Goodbye pin curls, dippity do, and hairspray!

Goodbye heavy eye makeup!

Goodbye heavily beaded dress which had to've weighed at least 8 lbs. May the beads you've lost in Paris be restored to you again.

Goodbye punk college kids! I'll miss seeing your beautiful faces everyday (and I only hated you for about a second, which was totally based on my own personal meltdown about being OLD).

Goodbye Queen of Terre Haute. It was nice while it lasted, but I don't think I will miss you. I never exactly fell in love with you. Your accent was really annoying and sometimes I wished you were different.

Goodbye Cole Porter. My appreciation for you has furthered. I'll probably see you around again sometime.

Let's see... now for the Hellos.

Hello Husband. Nice to see you again.

Hello dinnertime-together-with-the family (maybe... except the fact that basketball season is still in session).

Hello filthy dirty house--I can't say that I'm happy to see you. If I can gather enough energy today, I will be contending with you head-on.

Hello season of birthdays. AYi! (Another sign that I'm not getting any younger). Lizzy becomes a teenager on Thursday which makes 5 out of the 6! Oh dear God!!! Caleigh turns 9 in Feb and Nate turns EIGHTEEN!!! I'm feeling a bit faint. And for my dear friends and family who also have birthdays this month and next... please don't be mad if I miss it. I love you dearly, but I can only juggle what I can juggle.

A few more Hellos...

Hello to the mechanic where my car needs to go because Luke never got around to fixing it.

Hello basketball season. I'm sorry I missed some of you.

Oh hello PTO! But please don't get that false hope that you have me within your grasp again. I'm afraid that my heart can't fully return to you. It's officially time to pass the baton. Who else wants a turn? BTW, I have loved your dearly (and hated you too--haha).

Hello auditions %^&$%#&@ WHAT?! Call me crazy... but I've gotten two audition notices for upcoming shows in March. Hmmmm... I'm on a "role" so to speak, so I think I'm gonna go with it (much to BJ's chagrin).

I guess I'd better clean the house today.

Ahhh Theater Peeps

Thanks, Anita, for throwing the party while your parents were out of town. (hahaha)
What Happens at a cast party, stays at a cast party!Kieran's a Gleek.

Erin, Jack and Adam are confused.

Nut house. (My favorite picture!)

Haa

Creepy! Our musical director, Bobby and the beloved Christine.

Anika and Ciena are so strange! I don't know WHERE they get it from.

Awww, Bethany and Ashley--sisters!

Ahhhahaha Mike. This one is another favorite.

Christine, Adam and poor scared Bethany. Love them!

Jack's reading the review from the Sag Harbor Express.

...which was a decent review.

A fierce chess match going on. HOW EXCITING!!

Before the party...

I took some photos "backstage" while I had a chance. Very unprofessional of me, I know. But... I wanted to have something to look back on.
This is Lee Davis. He played an advisory role in the direction of the show. It was his 81st birthday.
Mr. and Mrs. Carroll from Terre Haute, IN, played by Ken R and yours truly. (I love Lee's face peeking through in the background).
It was a good night. Nice audience. We have two more to go before we'll have to come home from Paris. I know a few people who will be extremely happy when Sunday comes.

I think my peeps from the Clique are coming tonight. I hope tonight's a fun night.

Bits and Pieces

The volleyball team all wore pink in honor of 12-year-old Katy Stewart, who had a 2-year battle with cancer and on Dec 30th left this earth. She truly was an amazing girl. She certainly made a tremendous impact on this community. I went to the funeral. It was standing room only even with the overflow room. I stood for 2 hours... but I was touched deeply by the mass.I missed the Lizzy's volleyball game because of the show (50 Million Frenchmen), but some of the parents and the coach sent out a group photo to everyone. Lizzy's the one in braids on the bottom row.

I also missed Nate's game which was a nail biter. They were ahead by quite a bit until the 3rd quarter when Donavan dislocated his shoulder and was out. AGHHH! It was up to Nate to carry the game at that point and the opposing team began a press (oh dear God). They kept trapping Nate every time, and his teammates didn't know enough to help him out or come to the ball so there were many turnovers and a very defeated attitude beginning to invade the Killer Bees team and fans. By the 4th quarter, the opponents took the lead (BOOOO!), but the Killer Bees pulled it out at 9 seconds to go, with Nate hitting his two free throws to give our team the lead. I heard that the fans from the opposing side were calling Nate all kinds of interesting names throughout the game (he tends to stand out with his hair). I wish I could have been there!!! There seriously may have been a fight in the parking lot.

NEWSFLASH:

Forty-three year old woman beats down 6 high school boys after a basketball game and leaves them crying in the parking lot with the underwear pulled up over their heads and hooked onto their chin.

I know this photo is random for you, but in one of the songs of the show, someone asks a tour guide as we're a gazing at the Eiffel Tower "What does that sign mean, Citroen?" He answers, "Citroen is French for Ford" and then we all burst out in a few rousing French lyrics, which I won't bore you with (because I don't remember how to spell the words). Anyway, I took a picture of this car last week, when I saw it at the post office. Then I wondered... ok, what am I supposed to I do with this photo now... KOOL DAZE.

This is me getting ready for another show, I believe it was on Saturday night... when Mitch came out to see it. It's so awesome to have a friend like Mitch, who adores the fact that Anika and I are pursuing theater here in our location. And to think that he "kick started" me back into the scene 4 years ago, as well as cultivated Anika's love for it through theater camp, gives me all the more appreciation.

So... now I get a few days off. YAY! Can I tell you how thrilled I was to get the phone call on Sunday morning that church was being cancelled due to the snowfall? God answers prayer. I was doing fine until after the matinee yesterday, when suddenly the exhaustion hit. This show has not taxed me and wiped me out like other shows I've been in. Maybe its the fact that there are no costume changes. I like not having costume changes. We're back in again on Thursday for our final 4-day run. It's been great.

Check out our first review.