My Brain Just Isn't 20 Anymore.

I wish I could keep everything straight "upstairs" but when I have so many operations happening at the same time, it just becomes a bit of a jarbled mess. It's a lot like a computer--when the hard drive is full, and the memory has reached a dangerous capacity. The whole system definitely slows down. Can anyone else attest?

Some of the processes even have to "freeze" for a few seconds allowing for one particular brain function to complete its task (i.e. accessing a file for information like 'what was I going to the kitchen to get?') before the regular processes can continue. I have this similar problem on both my laptop and my brain. The multi-processing I've been required to accomplish this week especially, has been a complete mental challenge... and its been very tempting to shut the whole thing down and walk away!!! Aah, a vacation would be nice.

Deep breaths and brief quite times always help my brain to reboot. But most of the time (lately) I am in the constant thick of operations that don't allow me to even consider a reboot.

This will all pass. Even after a few days things will level out a bit! ...or maybe in a month. OK. Maybe two months from now, when I am in Mexico enjoying my family on the beach. I can make it until then. Nah. I'll be better once this week is over. (Adjusting to an additional 40-hour work week on top of all that I am already doing takes... adjusting).

I learned something important about myself (and about others) during my census training. A few weeks ago I was in training to become a trainer for a crew. During that grueling week there was one (and only one) profound concept offered, that I hadn't really thought of before. This concept was stated during a lesson that had to do with equal opportunity employment and anti-discrimination laws. Because I happen to deal with a variety of communities within my own community, it really captured my attention.

An idea brought out during the lesson was in regards to the cultures we grow up in, and how they vary from other cultures, even when we grow up right next door to each other in a neighborhood. Some cultures (or families) value the art of being direct and straightforward in communication. In those cultures they say what the mean and it's perfectly acceptable to be frank or forthright. In other cultures (or families) they may highly value the art of being indirect and speaking in generalities when communicating. It would be much more acceptable to make statements addressing a group, but not singling out an individual. It would be better to soften certain communications in order not to offend or be confrontational.

Which category do you fall into? Which one do you think I fit into?

So much makes sense to me after that lesson. An entire enlightment has taken place regarding my leadership in the PTO over the past two years. There were some major run-ins during my first year as PTO pres. that threw me for a BIG loop, and I couldn't understand, with all my efforts to reconcile and meet a certain individual on some... level, why my method of reconciling and sincere attempts not only were futile, but made everything 20 times worse. I was direct and honest and forthright, but for this particular situation (as well as others ALL OF MY ENTIRE LIFE), I was only making the cultural differences betweens us that much more blatant and offensive. It goes both ways, so I won't take all the blame, but I can see now why some things along my path have gone askew. It's an ah-hah moment.

I can only see life how I see it at the time. Continually, I learn. I grow. I move along my personal path of discovery with no self-hatred; no regrets. (Well, sometimes I regret that I haven't understood something sooner, and I still have condemning voices in my head to deny at times). And although I still have a tendancy to want to fix things! ...I remember that most things are not within my control to fix. I can only be changed. I CANNOT change others, or even myself for that matter.

I guess there are definite benefits to having a brain that's over 40. Experience and wisdom count for something, right?

LENT... or Spent?

I could claim that I've chosen to give up blogging for Lent and you'd probably believe me... but it would be a fabrication. HAHA. Honestly, truth be told, I've not given up anything for Lent and don't think I ever have. The reason being: I never learned, in all of my church upbringing, anything about Lent (in a traditional sense, of course). In the past few years I have learn a lot about the season from my blogger friends, as well as the 1st Methodist church where I play the organ.

No. My lack of blogging is based on a few things... major busyness and... maybe a facebook addiction? That's where my free time goes much of the time.

But moreso then my free time, I'm working for the Census Bureau. Our area is one of the few locations performing the "update enumeration" which means that people are going door to door to every housing unit in order to get a proper count of the population and housing. They've hired almost 5000 people locally for the temporary project. You will probably notice a down turn in the unemployment rate during these few months, but don't get too awfully excited... that number will probably go back up once the census work has been completed. And I've noticed that many of the people taking the jobs are NOT unemployed. They have other jobs as well, or they are retired. Interesting.

My census job (crew leader) is a 37-40 hour week. YIKES. Can I tell you that I have never worked full-time FOR PAY in my entire life!?! I've certainly worked full-time in volunteer positions... and, let's not forget... parenting 6 kids!!! But who can even count those hours? It's more than a 40 hours week.

I also presently have two other part-time jobs. DOUBLE and TRIPLE YIKES! I'm proud of myself, if you really want to know. I think I'm not too bad at time management.

Oh, did I mention that I'm also in two theater productions? I was cast as Jan in Grease which shows the second two weekends in April. Jan is the one in the movie that does the "brusha brusha bru-sha..." along with the tv commercial. HAHA. The show is so much fun, and I LOVE the dancing!!! I've also been cast as Simone in Victor/Victoria, which is a smaller role but is combined with another part to make my character have an actual story throughout--and I have a song. WOOHOO! Lots of dancing too. That performance is the second two weekends in June.

So. Needless to say, I'm probably not going to blog much even after Lent.

I do still take pictures, but I'm not nearly as please with them... I don't have as much time for it, but maybe the inspiration will return when I have more time. It is a hobby afterall.

I'd love to update other things, but I don't think I have many here who still follow Kool Daze. If you're still there--give me a shout out. HEY!