Drama! Drama! Drama!

Here's the cast singing their final song of the show "If Just One Person Believes in You"

Opening song "The World According to Snoopy" with Jennah playing Snoopy

That's me (Schroeder), playing the Overture

Here they are singing one of my favorites "Edgar Allen Poe." Lizzy is in the middle playing Charlie Brown.

"The Vigil" being sung by Linus with Snoopy and Woodstock staying with him in the patch until the Great Pumpkin arrives.

The peanuts gang see all kinds of shapes in the clouds for the song "Clouds" and poor Chuck gets sung over every time he tries to say what he sees. Cute number.

What a fabulous time we had preparing for the show and performing it.  Its become super clear to me that kids have (we all have) plenty of drama in our lives, but it makes such a difference to have the opportunity to express it on stage. Its a lot more positive to be dramatic and express emotions and thoughts in a show, than to create ridiculous drama in real life with senseless scenarios, potentially bringing others down for no good reason. There are lots of people who absolutely NEED drama in their lives. They are addicted to it even. Its dysfunction at its finest. I say, "Do yourself a favor and get involved with theater!!" It takes a lot more commitment and character to apply yourself in theater, than to stir up trouble among your community. However, self created drama is easier and more natural. It doesn't require character development, so the people who truly need to find a better outlet for their drama, usually won't find the theater. Its sad but true. Sometimes, some of the most emotional and dramatic kids really only need an outlet to perform, where they can receive attention in a positive way. Other kids won't take that step, and they will ultimately grow up demonstrating dysfunction in all of their relationships. They will teach it to their children as well.

Don't get me wrong, there is a ton of dysfunction among performers as well, but just think of what those crazy theater people would be like if they didn't even have the stage as an outlet. HOLY COW THAT WOULD BE BAD!!! hahaha All I'm saying is that there are a lot of kids who need the opportunity to perform in the dramatic arts. And its wonderful that the Bridgehampton School is providing that opportunity for its students now. Hooray!

Anyway, "coming down" from this show is going to be tough, even personally for me. I've spent countless hours working on the music and a bunch of other aspects for this program. Its been a great time for me!!! Its what I enjoy doing. Terry asked me what the next big thing was that we should be getting ready for. All I could come up with was Jennah's graduation, which isn't until the end of June. There must be something ELSE happening in between!!!  Not just the mundane regular stuff... (Oh wait. I just thought of something).

Adrenaline

Let's see. This is one BIG TIME week in Jennah's senior year of high school.

First, on Monday was her volleyball team's championship play-off game for Class D title.

Second, on Tuesday was her driver's test.

Third, on Wednesday, this entailed flying the friendly skies for the first time BY HERSELF to attend a college weekend 1500 miles away, which included a very quick layover/gate change in Chicago. Oh the nerves.

Fourth, which wasn't as stressful as the other things, was staying in a dorm room with people she's never met. No sweat.

Fifth, Thursday morning was having a live interview which included writing an essay on a surprise topic in order to compete for a very important scholarship.

Sixth and Seventh, on Friday, is a piano & music theory placement exam and then auditions for the musical theatre department with a song from Thoroughly Modern Millie.

Once all of that is behind her, she may be able to enjoy the rest of her college weekend... what's left of it.

This morning, I began to feel like I should have gone out there with her to help give her the support she probably needed. But nope! She has her big girl pants on this weekend. I don't know how many other girls her age could have done what she's in the middle of!! I'm a proud mama.  So what, the volleyball team lost the championship game. They came from the very bottom last year to obtain second place in Class D against a school who has won the division for the past 13 years straight. So what, she failed her first driver's test. So do about 40% of the people who have taken it on LI for the first time. She was a bundle of nerves before she even started and just not quite ready. Please note, unlike the picture above, she did NOT hit anything or cause any accidents. LOL 

Everything else after the driver's test has gone much better, so far. The interview went well. She can breathe easy the rest of today and get ready for #6 and #7 tomorrow.

I'll keep you posted.

The Offspring

I have six.

You already know that.

How can some of them be so different in their personality make-up? The thought dawned on me this morning (again) when I dropped one of my daughters off to an empty parking lot. I asked her, "Are you sure anyone is coming?" I was ready to wait in the car with her until someone showed, but she said, "Its ok. They will be here soon. I'll just wait on the bench." (They were going to another school to watch a volleyball playoff game). I was thinking, had it been a particular other daughter of mine, she would have told me to wait there with her until someone, not just anyone, but someone with whom she felt comfortable talking to arrived. Or more likely, she would have made a friend ride there with her just to be sure she wouldn't be "alone". Of course, sometimes the differences have all to do with their stages in life and maturity levels. But its definitely ALSO personality differences. They both make my heart swell.

My boyz are so different, too. Even their particular jobs and what they do after work almost gives them a polar opposite appearance. One comes home from the marina looking like he just walked out of a GQ magazine with preppy clothes and money falling out of his pockets (haha) and then other one comes home looking like he was dragged behind the quad and the trail for two miles. When he puts his laundry through the cycles, there are usually a pocket full of wire connectors or screws clanging around in the dryer, and none of his work clothes ever come out looking clean. It makes you wonder how soon the boss is going to put in the next company tee-shirt order to get his boyz looking decent again. I enjoy both of them tremendously.

I have a daughter living on her own while attending college. She tells everyone one of us we need to come visit her. Actually we are going south to visit her around Thanksgiving, but her brother decided to find some flights and spend a week with her this month before he leaves on his winter adventures to South and Central America. As a mama it makes me so happy to see that my kids love each other and want to spend time together.

The youngest makes sure that she is included in her siblings adventures at least some of the time. She's going to end up having the best of both worlds; being loved by her siblings and yet being spoiled the most, being the last one remaining before heading off to independence.

I have to admit that I enjoy the process of watching them live their lives and dream their dreams. I'm not always happy about everything they do or feel. Seeing them grapple and struggle with life's circumstances is challenging to watch. Sometimes I try to speak into a situation or give them guidance or advice and other times I have to zip my lip and allow them to find the answers on their own. I do enjoying watching them learn and grow and discover who they are. More than anything, I want them to discover who they are meant to be; who they've been created to be. But then I remember that I'm still trying to figure that out myself, at 46 years old. I suppose its a life long process. For me anyway. I like arriving at those peaks and mountain tops in my life, but I never find satisfaction in staying there for very long. I see the next one and I want to go to it, so the journey continues...

My Daughter Has a Problem

 

Have any of you every tried this dressing? My daughter, Lizzy, tried it when she was at a friend's house and came home raving about it. She's a real salad lover but this dressing puts her over the top. She loves her vinegar, for sure, so when she discovered this combination, it was all over.

Problem was, she couldn't remember the brand name. Her dad ordered what he thought was the right dressing when ordering groceries (Peapod). Nope! That's not it. She asked to go to the store several times to look for it over the following weeks, because she was craving it, but it was nowhere to be found. I even ventured to the grocery store myself on a whim to see if I could find what she meant. I brought home two types. NOPE! They were not the right ones.

Lizzy finally asked her friend WHERE in the world they bought the dressing. The IGA in Sag Harbor. So, Lizzy went with her own money and purchased a few bottles of the dressing. They are pricey at around $4.50 a bottle. Big Spender. But worth every penny in her opinion.

A few weeks back, I was in the garage grabbing something from the extra frig when I noticed a bottle of this dressing tucked away. I laughed to myself, thinking of Lizzy being a salad dressing hoarder. A few days later I spotted another bottle of dressing in a kitchen cabinet, which is only opened on occasion. It gave me another chuckle. Lizzy Lizzy Lizzy.

When we were both sitting in the kitchen, I opened the cabinet with the dressing tucked away, and I asked her about her new "hoarding habit". After a few laughs, she claimed that because she bought the dressing herself, she didn't want everyone else to use it up on her. I reminded her that she's probably the only one who even wants to use that kind of dressing. I'm a caesar dressing kind of gal. Caleigh likes Italian. Jennah doesn't even like salad, nor do the boyz. However, BJ probably does want to use the dressing sometimes, but she should probably share it with him since he buys ALL of her salad fixings to begin with. HAHAHA

Gotta love the salad dressing hoarders of the world!!

She's also been known to hoard her special shampoo and conditioner so that no one else uses it up on her. This must be a byproduct of having a mom who truly avoids having to run to the store for things when they run out.

P.S. This is written in good fun. I don't actually think Lizzy has a hoarding problem or a food problem... its really more about the fact that there are a lot of people living in our house and certain food items and other products can go rather fast. So please don't lecture me about how I am destroying my children's esteem by writing about them in this way.

P.S.S. I probably didn't even need to write the P.S. seeing as I think I only have about 2 or 3 readers here anymore. Three cheers for my faithful blogger friends. Holla!!

My Former Driven Life

Have you ever discovered an unhealthy behavior about yourself, decided to get the help and endure the  pain to become a healthier person, only to work doubly hard not to judge someone else close to you, who seems to display that former habit you overcame? Its impossible for me to get "close" to another person who displays certain characteristics that I walked away from, because it triggers me. I become very bothered by what I think they are "stuck in" and I WANT TO FIX THEM! haha

I spent a good couple of years working explicitly on changing my co-dependent behaviors which I knew nothing about until my life wound up in a heap of unmanageable chaos. My personal tendencies included things like:

• having no real boundaries in relationships, 
• taking care of everyone else's needs to the point of my needs not being important (to me or anyone else), 
• having an inability to say no because I didn't want to disappoint anyone, 
• being a total people-pleaser, 
• not valuing my own opinion enough to feel ok if someone disagreed or challenged me, 
• spiraling into self-hatred if I made a mistake no matter how minor,
• needing everyone to feel good and happy

I put a lot of pressure on myself to help everyone I possibly could. It was a formula for continual disappointment. People like to complain about their problems, and they want others to listen, but that doesn't mean they want me or anyone else to fix them. And 9 times out of 10, if someone tells them what they "need to do" they won't do it, just because. People want to found their own answers, which is why I've learned to listen and let people feel whatever they are feeling without correcting them. Its been much more effective when I share my own stories in life, without having those underlying motives, to somehow help others finding their way. Its not up to me to do it for them.

So, I bite my tongue. When my friend tells me her string of events for the day, seemingly proud of how much she did and how crazy her schedule is and the amount of things she does for everyone... all the accomplishments... sure its amazing. But is it healthy? I am doing my best not to transfer my experiences and shortcomings to anyone else and their life experiences. I can say that just listening to it, though, triggers a sense of resentment towards that life. It was my former life... in the ministry. "Pastor's wife" was my title (how thrilling)... with lots of young kids to mother, and they didn't always behave perfectly in the fishbowl. I remember feeling acceptable mostly based on all of the things I was able to accomplish and do for others. The things I did, the energy I expended for others made me feel valued, but if I were criticized by someone, suddenly my house of cards crumbled. I believed at that point I must not be good enough. I wasn't doing things right. Somethings wrong with me because not everyone liked me. Not everyone was happy with my work. Horrors.

I'm glad to be free of that. crap!!! Yes, I am busy. You can't have six kids, all still living at home, and not be busy. But I'm not driven anymore. I don't care if I please everyone. HAH! Lots of times I know I don't please everyone. Sure it can still be a battle, but I've learned to resist the urges to make everything perfect in order to be acceptable to everyone. < - - how stupid to think that's even possible

So, we had youth group at our house last night for the summer kick off and I wasn't home all day to clean, cook, bake or even tidy up the kitchen counter or the pool area. The kids were home making messed with their friends and doing NOTHING. I was out taking pictures of Jennah for Prom Night when everyone arrived. My house was a disaster!!! ...but guess what. I DON'T CARE!! And neither do the kids. Admittedly, I was a little annoyed when I came home, because I kicked into hospitality mode only to find that we had no paper cups, no plastic forks, were low on drinks, etc. Unprepared! Earlier in the week I made it very clear to the youth leader (my husband) that I wasn't able to help prepare this week. See, I can say "no" fairly easily now. And when I say no, I'm learning to be ok if things aren't done perfectly by someone else. The kids don't care. Trust me, they don't even notice.

Our Trip to Florida

We left at 2:30 am from our house and arrived to my parents' house in Sebastian around 1:15. Caleigh and Grace were reunited and had a little pool time.

We took Grace for a walk to the park and she really wanted to play on the slides.

Lizzy met a lizard friend, but she was a little scared.

Caleigh decided to catch one too, but it didn't really want to be bothered.

We went out to dinner at Mulligan's. Great place on the Indian River. It was my parents' birthday week.

I don't get in many pictures. I read somewhere recently that moms (usually the picture takers) should be sure and get in the pictures with their kids so they will have those valuable memories later on and not forget that their mama was their too. So what do my kids do? They take a picture of me by myself. Um...

We took a walk on the beach in the evening. It was a bit windy but the water was warmer than the air.

Our first Orlando adventure was Discovery Cove. Amazing place. This is my Aunt Nancy, Pops and Mom (Nancy's sister).

Anika met up with us for the weekend. Aren't these girls just growing up lovely???

BJ was incognito.

Having fun with Caleigh and the underwater camera.

The birds were amazing and they would come right down and land on us if we wanted.

Swimming with the fish was a beautiful sight but difficult to capture.

Lizzy and Jennah always clowning around.

Swimming with the dolphins...

Lizzy's first kiss.

Caleigh's dolphin ride.

She was happy with herself.

Jennah's dolphin ride.

Our other adventures involved Sea World, Aquatica and Disney World.

Photo bomb

Race cars... nothing has changed at the magic kingdom in over 25 years.

Caleigh got to drive, but the steering on these cars was useless. Quite funny, actually.

The castle and the princesses.

One day she will rule them all.

The girls met a friend.

And ww waited a good half hour for a photo op with Minnie.

Faces. Always with the faces.

Aren't they pretty?

Hey superman girl... wrong park.

We had a great time. Thanks for hosting us Mom and Pops... and also to Nancy for the condo!

It's been a Challenging Weekend

Adding to all the busyness and work that's been going on for the past two weeks, we finally were able to find out which company around here delivers mulch. (Bistrian's in case anyone else is wondering). We had 10 yards delivered and it was almost enough. Holy crap. I mean Holy Cow. Yea. It stinks.

More weeding was necessary to make this a successful project, but how much can one's fingers and back take? Ouch!

My parents were amazing. My mom is a trooper with her "limpy hip". She doesn't want to be left out, if there is something that needs to be done. My children, however... tend to disappear. "That stuff stinks! I can't stand it!!" "I have to work in a little bit." "I don't feel good!" "I already made plans to go to the beach!!"

Caleigh is the GOLDEN CHILD!!!! She stuck with it the ENTIRE DAY!

I can't complain about Luke either. He worked hard on the exterior lighting. Looks great, but if they would only take the huge ladders down so I could get a decent picture, and also I could feel more able to finish arranging the backyard for the party.

Here is a sample, but things aren't completely done yet... and that pic's taken with my iPhone.

The dogs are getting along. Grace is a smart smart smart dog. And she has a nose like you wouldn't believe. She may enter the work force with her high IQ and mad skillz.

So besides the work and the achey back and muscles, now I have this blasted sore throat that Terry and Lizzy had a few days ago. I don't feel well and Anika's party is on Friday as well as so many other major events this week. Its going to be a great week but I sure could use a boost of strength and encouragement.

I created a photo book for Anika which took a lot of time perusing photos to make it something she would enjoy. I thought people who come to her party could look at it and sign it. I showed her the book on Friday and her first comment was, "These pictures are all gross!" WTH??? I said, "Well, one thing I noticed as I went through all of my pictures searching for good ones, was that you were always MIA for all the events, so it was very difficult to find good pictures of you. That's all your own fault!!!" Brat! I think she realized that her comment came out wrong. She then got to the latter part of the book and said she really liked those pics. They were from when she was younger (and around more).

These kids have been brutal to my self esteem lately, and I've been a bit sensitive to their uncaring. Of course, whenever I have a meltdown with Anika she cries, too. She really is a sensitive soul most of the time. I do see that she's been trying to make adjustments.

Lizzy said this morning that I didn't do anything for her when she had her sore throat! I was like, "What do you mean???!!! I checked your throat. It appeared to be viral and not something worse, but I was watching for symptoms." I encouraged her to try gargling with salt water and to take some vitamin C. I asked Terry to take her with him if he felt he should go to the doctor. But they both seemed to recover in another day from the throat thing. So I assume I was right regarding the viral thing. Meanwhile, now I get to go down in Lizzy's books for "not doing anything for her when she was sick." Agghhh. I can't win. Somehow, whatever I do isn't enough these daze. And I'm doing A LOT!!!

I'm stressed. I'm adjusting to the change over from school to summer (even though half of the kids aren't done with school completely yet). And I'm getting ready for this big party and graduation, and I'm feeling like there are things I wish I could do but just can't afford to do or don't have the energy. I resolve to the fact that everything will be fine and I will give what I can. It will be enough and after that I'll just enjoy it. But in the back of my mind, I feel like my kids aren't going to appreciate it and they will be disappointed. Have I taught them to be this way somehow? Have I instilled too much of a relaxed attitude and not enough gratitude? Heavy sigh... never quite enough.

Who wants to put a lot of work into something and it fail to be a memorable or lovely event for the person of honor? I've done that before, and I was very hurt by the person's ingratitude. I put together a big birthday party for a very close friend about 7 or 8 years ago, and somehow nothing I did was right. That was a messed up friendship, so I won't go into details about that whole scenario, but it was ridiculous and needless to say, the friendship ended. I know this party won't be unappreciated and it isn't the case with my own daughter to be judgmental or have unrealistic expectations of me, but I guess I have flashbacks of that abuse from the past and it makes me very sensitive to criticism, even when it isn't intentionally being given.

My parents are great!!! My mom with all her high energy just wants to know what the next thing is to do and sadly, I feel overwhelmed by being asked. Um let's see... um... what can be done to get ready now? Um... I DON'T KNOW!!! HELP!!! You see, I have a more moderate tempo then she. I tend to pace myself out more. I don't want to rush rush rush and be done with everything way ahead of time. I want to time the preparation so that it is all ready at the right time. I can't change my mom's tempo, but she can't change mine either. An example of our different pace: She likes to have everything packed for her summer travels about a month in advance, I wait until a day or two to pack before I'm going somewhere. I like to relax in between bursts of work. It helps me think through what else needs to be done.

Anyway, its about time for a Hochstedler family pow wow to re-adjust a few things! These kids need a little reminder of their need to think outside of their own little worlds into the lives of their family members. The regular adjustments and maintenance check up to keep the family dynamics in a healthy and workable environment!

In your situations, do you ever run into the need to regroup?

I'm not sharing this to expose my kids and to criticize them publicly. I'm just sharing from the heart of my own struggles (as I always have... but just in case "that person" has discovered my blog and is disgusted by what I've written here, I wanted to make this disclaimer).  >:-P

School is Winding Down

School is winding down which means a ton of events are taking place and my kids are going in every direction. It also means I have to catch my breath whenever I have a moment. 

The pool is open and although it was very green and slimy last Sunday when we took the cover off, it was blue after a day, and today its clear and balanced.

AND the chairs... that we left in the pool all winter... they are white.

I only had to hose them off. No bleach. No scrubbing. Woot Woot!!!

Meanwhile, in between all the outdoor projects, I've been killing the tips of my fingers with the glue gun and with the constant bending of card stock paper to make flower petals. This has been a rewarding project. I found it on pinterest. I'm making the flower balls for Anika's graduation party which we are having here at the house. I had to add a little touch of decoration, because its the only bit of decoration I'm planning to do. Its on to cleaning, setting up and cooking the food. Oh wait! I don't know how to cook. Only Terry does!!! (If you don't know that joke, just go back a few posts).

Sunday was the Teeny Awards which similar to the Tony's only its for local high school students who perform theater here on Long Island. There were nominations for all the categories and the red carpet with interviews and performances during the ceremony. Jennah performed with a vocal jazz group called Music Master's Fellowship under the direction of Lauren Kinhan. It was an excellent and glorious experience. I am so happy and proud of them.

This is the group being interviewed for LI News Channel. Dang. I picked the blurry picture. (Too late. Not going to change it now. I have cleaning to do).

Here they are on stage performing Moonglow.

Beau (Anika's beau) was nominated for two and awards and won two awards. Best set design (he was the only nominee, but that only meant he was the only student to do the entire set design out of all the participating schools) and also for Best Supporting Actor in a Comedy. I was very proud of him.

Our PTO Year End BBQ was on Friday. It was a competitive Kickball game, then Talent Show, then Food. I wasn't going to play kickball. I was only going to take pictures, but they easily lured me in. LOL. I pitched the ball. Good times. We won, of course. Teachers/Parents/Seniors vs about 1000 7-11th grade Students. haha

Photo bomb

Caleigh and Jaden

 This is me taunting the other team with the moonwalk.

For the talent show the kids did a great job. Jennah and India sang Somewhere Over the Rainbow (Glee version)

Caleigh played  a piano solo I taught her. She was the only one to do something different than singing. Go Caleigh!!

Jennah and Lizzy did a beautiful duet, but I can't remember the name of it. Lovely sisters.

Lizzy is back to normal, BTW, in case you wondered about her.

The annual field day was on Tuesday of last week. Caleigh was disappointed that the red team came in second place.

She's competitive. Don't know where she gets it from.

Took some portfolio shots of India for a TV show audition she was going to.

So when she's famous, remember where you came to know of her. Right here folks (except for you locals... )

Beyond the events listed and photo journaled--you do know that I take all these pics so I can remember what really happened over the past several daze?!

My parents are coming on Wednesday and staying for the summer.

Anika is graduating on the 24th and her party is on the 22nd. Other family members are coming for graduation. I have a feeling its all going to be a blur. I'm doing fine, but every day there is something else and I have this tendency to try and avoid things.. like cleaning. But dagnabbit if over the weekend I didn't get behind the stupid backyard fence (I had to climb over) into the woods to weed out every bit of that blasted mile-a-minute weed. And I was already terribly sore from the kickball game. So after the weeding, I was not only sore, but also itchy, tick-phobia-ridden and scratched up everywhere. The invasive weed is easily to pull but very prickly!

So that's all. That's my life lately. Now I have some major cleaning to do upstairs where my parents will be staying. Luke stayed there for an entire year without ever dusting once. YIKES!!! Oops. I guess I should never expose my kids that way in a public genre. I'll be expecting a private email of rebuke shortly.