NEW YEAR'S EVE HYMN SING

Now THIS looks like fun!! When I'm about 90!!!

My church is getting together tonight for "food, fellowship, a hymn sing and praying in the New Year!" I think I'll just go to bed. We definitely won't be heading to the church gathering. Sorry folks. It just sounds like more fun than I can handle!!!

I had visions of hosting a kid-party and letting them perform a talent show for each other or something. I guess it'll have to happen some other year. I have very little energy to create my own family fun for this late night evening of celebration. Painting the girls room wiped me out. All my muscles ache. Maybe I am 90!

FAMILY FUN!

Several people had choosen a gift, either from the pile or from their neighbor. It was #8's turn--Aunt Harriet.

She should have went with the coffee that Rachel so boldly held up in temptation. But noooo! She thought she'd find something better in the pile. She made her selection, unwrapped it, and... surprise!!

It was a reindeer candy dispenser. It dispensed brown jellybeans from its pooper shoot! Sweet!!!

PEPTO BISMOL PINK

Over this past week we have made serious headway on turing the storage room into a true bedroom. (Hi Spongebob).

It's been duly noted that the boys cannot live in the same bedroom for another second. So, the storage room has been dry-walled, spackled, trimmed out, and is presently in the process of getting painted... bubble gum PINK! (by yours truly).

The girls picked the color and now they gotta live with it.

Don't they paint prison cells pink to bring a calming effect to the inmates?

Anyway, the carpet will go down tomorrow and the room will probably be moved into by the new year. Can you believe it'll be 01/01/07 in a few short days?

HERBIE STRIKES AGAIN

Where's Nate when you need him? Oh yea... I dropped him off at work, which is no longer at the gas station. Now he works at the Winter Club as an ice skating guard.

So here's my dilemma...

I usually wait until the very last moment to fill the van with gas. Usually I pump myself, because it's definitely the cheapest, and actually the most convenient for me. So, once I've taxied everyone to their various places, I will pull into the Hess station, find an available pump, jump out to pay with cash (not so convenient), than proceed in an all-out war with my car. My mini-van suddenly becomes Herbie Love bug, meniacally laughing at my sad situation. If anyone had a hidden camera it would be quite the sight.

I have to pull this little lever on the left of the driver seat to open the gas flap. Once I pull the lever it's SUPPOSED TO not only unlatch the flap, but pop it open. Well, my little mechanical devices have gotten gummed up (over the past YEAR) and now they only work when they frikkin want to. I'll pull the lever, listen for the unlatch sound, take a few steps toward the gas flap to quickly pop it open with the my key (knowing that it doesn't automatically pop open anymore), only to hear the damn thing latch again on my second step. So, I return to pull up the lever, take a few steps, *click*. I swear, this goes on 15 times or more. I will use my sheer enginuity and try wedging something under the lever to hold it in the up position i.e. a button, nickle, pen, iTrip. This is the only way the flap will stay unlatched. The problem is nothing seems to stay wedged under the lever, with its slick design. I'll give you SLICK DESIGN!!!

I always look around to ask someone close-by for a little help. It never fails, when I pull into the station every pump is full, but by the time I've paid at the counter and returned to my pump you can hear crickets chirping. Ghost town! What is that?

I'm persistent, though. I have to be. My car is running on fumes!! This is the final stop before finding myself stuck on the side of the road. So what to do? What to do? Maybe... it's time... I get a new car!!! It worked for the oven.

HOMESCHOOL TIPS

If you ever decide to home-school your kids, and they go on to college afterwards, don't let 'em come back and try to convince you that 'cher math is all wrong!!! Nate seems to think he knows way more then me!

NEXT YEAR'S DECORATIONS

Tampon Angel

Materials

• Playtex tampons (or similar brand like Rely or Always)
• Paint
• Hot glue gun
• Gold metallic chenille pipe cleaners
• Doll hair (you can just chop some off an old Barbie)
• X-Acto knife
• Scissors
• Cardboard
• Glitter glue
  

Instructions

Dampen tampon just enough so it unfolds, then let dry. Cut the top off the applicator to make the head. Paint face on head, then string back onto inverted tampon.
Glue head onto tampon, then glue doll hair onto head. Twist section of gold pipe cleaner into halo, then wrap around neck. Glue down if necessary. Cut out cardboard wings and decorate with glitter glue. Glue onto angel’s back.



And there ya go! It's something you can do with the kids this week while they are out of school. Just think of the lovely surprise and wonderful memories these angels will bring to your heart next year as you dig out the ornament box for decorating once again.

CHRISTMAS IN NYC

We spent the eve of Christmas Eve with our friend, Mitch, in NYC. It was a great day--about 55 degrees. (No white Christmas here). We did not do the traditional "Christmas in the city" tour. In fact, we avoided all the touristy spots completely... well almost completely.

(I posted a picture of you, Mitch. What was that you were saying about posting pictures of other people?? I do it all the time! So... TOO BAD!!!) Mitch took the pictures of Terry and me. I'm posting those too. Anyhoo--

We decided to check out the Lower East Side--it's rich with history. I can't remember exactly what the history is, but we researched it and discussed it as we strolled along Pearl Street and other places. Maybe I'll tell you about it sometime (haha). It was so cool though.

I'm finally beginning to enjoy going into the city. It used to be something I didn't like doing very much. I mean... it is quite exhausting! But now that we have friends who LIVE there, we can visit their pad for a rest, when our dogs can't walk another step. I REALLY like avoiding the large crowds, too.

We were fairly successful in doing that, accept when we accidently wound up in the heart of China town on Canal street!!! The Chinese venders kept jumping out from behind the person walking directly in front of us, scaring the hell out of me every time. Mitch was ready to "deck someone's Asian hall," so we high-tailed it out of there asap, but not before taking a picture of a vendor's lovely flowers.

We had fun! I didn't buy a single thing--hahaha.

The Brooklyn Bridge is one of my favorite NYC sites, although, I am glad we didn't walk across it. I was dead tired without even taking that trek.

We saw a great show called Company. I loved it. Such talent and creativity!!! Why didn't I go in that direction as a career (musical theater, I mean, not having company)? It's not a regret--just a question.

Anyway, my first post (yes, there was an original post) about this trip was much better... fresher... more quick-witted, but it was lost in cyber space, never to be seen again. Oh well!

I hope everyone is enjoying their holidays!

A MEMORABLE CHRISTMAS GIFT

Whenever I think about a "white elephant gift" exchange, it brings to mind one of my most memorable Christmas gifts. THE HAND!

"What is a white elephant gift exchange," you ask? Well, its the gift exchange where all the wrapped presents are placed in a pile, and the exchangers receive numbers 1 through ?? however many people are playing. The person who has number 1 picks first, from the pile and opens the gift immediately for all to examine. Number two can either take number 1's gift (which would allow number 1 to pick from the pile again) or pick from the pile. Then number 3 can either take #1 or #2's gift, or pick from the pile and so forth. If a person has his/her gift taken, they have the option of taking someone else's gift or choosing from the pile. Whenever someone chooses from the pile they must unwrap the gift for all to see. A single gift may be stolen a twice, but the third person to have an item in their clutches, gets to keep it. (I've heard a few other names for this game--Steal from Your Neighbor, Nasty Santa, Grab It).

One Christmas, while I was in college, my sister sent me a little Christmas gift. The college I attended was Oral Roberts University where Christian spirituality was greatly encouraged. Oral Roberts had a big-time, healing ministry back in the old days, so needless to say, faith-healing was embraced and practiced at my school; healing hands. Well, that being said, my sister thought it would be quite funny to send me... THE HAND! It was a rubbery, floppy hand! I thought it was soooo cool!! My roommate, Sohailah, and I had some great laughs with this cold clammy thing. (You'll have to excuse the picture. It was the only one I had).

During the final week before the Christmas break the head RA's were invited to a Christmas party with Richard Roberts (the university's Vice-president at the time). I was not in the RA program, but I was invited to come to the party with my FIANCE, Terry. We were told to bring a gift for the White Elephant exchange. I knew then, I would have to part with my HAND! It was for the better good. The exchange was a trip. When Richard saw that hand, he knew he must have it! I think we fudged on the rules a little, but he was able to go home with the healing hand. It was all in good fun! Makes for great memories.

Our family has begun to carry on the tradition of the white elephant exchange. I wonder what gifts will come to the table this year. Last year, one of my brothers went home with a box of triscuits and cheese (hahaha).

Do you have a memorable Christmas gift you've either recieved (or given)? Do tell.

SO THIS IS IT?

Michelle A., the author of The Everyday Mom blog, tagged all her readers today, to post pictures of our Christmas decorations. I've been meaning to anyway so...

Sidenote: I seriously do not like the whole Christmas hooplah. It requires sooooo much time and energy, so forgive me for being scrooge-like, but I just don't enjoy it. Decorations bring stress to my life! But I do my best to offer something for the family.

First up is "the making of the gingerbread house." I am happy to say that I had nothing to do with this project. Terry helped the girls and it was not a SIMPLE PROCEDURE. If you ever think that you may want to try is, FLEE FROM THE TEMPTATION!! IT IS EVIL!! jk

Anika says, "Oh my go-osh!"

Candy time

There's Caleigh, in her underwear and licking her fingers while she decorates. Anyone want a bite of that gingerbread house now?

Here it is. The back side of the roof is a piece of cardboard, because they forgot to make two sides for the roof. The building inspector would never approve!

Here's my small Christmas village:

All was quiet back in the village. A church service was taking place. The shops were closing for the evening...

Meanwhile, Father Christmas was walking through the woods enjoying the warm weather, when all of a sudden, a small, dusty, one-winged, one-armed, baby angel appeared to him, begging for gold and riches. A much larger angel was there watching, waiting to see what Father Christmas would do.

"Give it to em Father Christmas or the fawn gets it!"

This was our first year for stockings:

There seems to be a wise-guy in our house!

And here are all the other odds and ends around the home:

Goodies on the tree

A very lame decoration

Oooohhh fancy!

Some Christmas cards

I do love my music box, snow-globe.

This is my full size Nativity outside the house. People come for miles to see the enormous display! (Ok I lied. It's an idty bity display on my mantle).

And that's the extent of it! Hope you're happy. Now it's your turn to post!

MY ALL-TIME FAVORITE

Check out the holiday song: Ding Fries Are Done.

And thanks goes to Lisa for reminding me. After all, Christmas ain't Christmas without Burger King!!!

AT LEAST HE'S LEARNING SOMETHING

We were sitting at the table, eating dinner last night. Everyone was rather pleased with the meal. It was a tasty pasta dish with chicken and veggies. Actually, it didn't look so appetizing as I used frozen spinach *gasp* E C O L I. Well, that fear has passed, but the frozen spinach, in this particular dish, doesn't make for "pretty." Anyhoo--

We were trying to decide whether to scrape our left-overs into the dog's bowl or the garbage, wondering if Noah would turn his nose up at the veggies (because he will eat completely around a single pea). Nate took the golden opportunity (in a rather goofball tone) to share what he learned today in school:

Humans have the ability to choose whether something appetizes them or not, whereas animals will more or less eat anything, even if it's really bad.

This is when all the others chimed in, "Yea, like road kill!" "...and old garbage!" "...and poop!" "They eat grass, too." We've all seen Noah eat grass. This is when Nate added some new facts to our knowledge. He said, "Well, that's different. Animals eat grass to clog up their butt, so they can hybernate!" ROARS OF LAUGHTER FOLLOWED

Is that true? It kind of sounds like it could be right.

CHRISTMAS GREETINGS

May your holidays be filled with joy.

May your New Year be the beginning

Of many, new and wonderful delights.

We pray you are blessed beyond measure,

And drawn to God’s loving-kindness.

Peace on earth; good will toward men.

* You may have received our Christmas greeting via email, but in case I don't have your email address... here ya go. MWAH!

MIDDLE SCHOOL DAZE

I was watching a ridiculously stupid, kid movie last night, and all of a sudden I remembered an event that took place back in my middle school years. Keep in mind, I wasn't a terrible kid, I was just a youngin' lookin' for ways to prevent boredam.

It was seventh grade and Friday the 13th was approaching [oooohhh spooky]. A few friends and I decided we should plan a food fight to celebrate the day. We were TOTALLY into it. I faintly recall making a slew of notices and stuffing them into every locker on the top floor of the school. The notice said something like :

FOOD FIGHT! FRIDAY the 13TH, in the cafeteria!!
Be there or be square.

I believe it was the afternoon of the 11th that we stuffed the lockers, to give everyone time to digest the idea. Somehow, the teachers found out *gasp*. Mr. Parks announced, in one of my classes, that whoever started this would get in a lot of trouble if they followed through, and that the cafeteria was going to be heavily supervised, and that the students who made the notices needed to turn themselves in (hah! yea right!). They probably knew exactly who we were. My friends and I considered doing the food fight anyway, but decided we didn't want to get suspended... So, we ditched the cafeteria all together and all went into town for lunch (those were the days when students were allowed to get lunch in town) ...but those teachers were PRETTY SCARED.

TAPPAN--YOUR DAZE ARE NUMBERED

Good-bye electric stove! Hello cooking with gas. My new stove arrived today. Woohoo!!! I am so excited. Of course, the Tappan will need to remain in tact until a plumber runs the gas line... but after that--OH YEAAAA!! (This is my old oven btw. I'll be sure to post a picture of the new one once it is installed).












Besides that...

The Christmas decor is now in place. The tree is "Kid Decorated," which is very much like my house--"Kid cleaned!" (Except when Conzuela comes to clean. Come back Conzuela! Come BAAAAAACKKK!!!)

WHERE'S THE LOVE???

Why must teenage boys be... the way they are??? Girls are so sweet. Just look at 'em. The kid's girls had their winter concert last night. Luke wasn't in it. He refused to torture himself (and I don't blame him). Nate wasn't in it. He is no longer at the school, if you recall--homeschooling. He also happened to be off snowboarding this week. But the four sweet girls were all in it. Anika played in the band and Jennah, Elizabeth and Caleigh all sang. Of course, they were wonderful!!

Once the concert was over and we returned home, we sent the proud girls off to bed. Nate was on his way home and his ETA was 10:00 PM. As a sidenote, something very peculiar took place while Nate was away for four days. Luke made up his mind that their shared bedroom no longer belonged to his brother. He declared that Nate was officially kicked out. I laughed, "Yea right! Good one, Luke." The extra bedroom is being spackled as I type, but it has a long way to go before it's able to be occupied.

So, imagine this scene... It's 10:15 PM. In walks Nate with all his paraphenalia, gets to his bedroom door, tries to open it, and IT'S LOCKED!!!

Son #2: Luke! Open the door!!

Son #1: Go away. I'm sleeping.

Son #2: Come on, Luke.

Mother: Luke!!! OPEN THE DOOR!! It's Nate's room too.

[Son #1 unlocks the door and jumps back in bed--Son #2's bed btw]

Son #1: Turn the light off!! I'm trying to sleep.

[Son #2 turns the light off and rustles around in the darkness, tripping over lots of junk. He opens the door to get a little light from the hallway]

Son #1: Nate!! Shut the door!!

[Son #2 takes his belongings and retreats to the couch in the family room]

Son #2: Mom, Luke took my bed.

Mother: I noticed! Where are you gonna sleep?

I'm so compassionate!! Nate slept on the couch.

[After relating the story to Terry...]

Father/Husband: That room needs to get finished--QUICK!

COLLEGE DAZE

This was Terry playing the role of Miss Texas. He sang "The Stars at Night are Big and Bright..."




This was Mitch playing the role of Miss Alaska. He sobbed his way through the song "Don't Cry Out Loud." He kept trying to keep it together.

This was me playing the role of Miss Mississippi. I performed a monologue in a thick southern accent, "To be or not to be?"

Ahhh those were the days!! Beauty pageants. Theatrics. Hilarious people. I had so much fun in college and all without ever drinking alcohol or doing drugs or having sex. If kids these days only knew!! For my college circle, the tradition was to go on fall break with a large group of college friends. It was a trip that Frank T. and Terry H. and Mitch S. put together called P.I.D.C.--Party in Dress Code! It was a HOOT!!! Very fun. One of the trips included a Beauty pageant. Mitch was able to grab some costumes from the drama deptartment and that's all it took for this stroke of brilliance... I believe there were six contestants, Frank T., Sohailah S., Lish H., Mitch S., Terry H., and myself. Tony L. was the MC. We all had talents and answered beauty pageant questions, and other things that I can't remember anymore. (We didn't do swimsuits, did we)? HAHAHAH.

They were such great times in college. When Terry and I graduated we got married two weeks later in NY and stayed in NY for a little bit. We came back to ORU for a year, but it wasn't the same for us. You've heard some of those tales already. We returned to NY in 1991 to become an intregal part of a small church plant that we loved. It was hard work and (mostly) fun for us. We were the youngest and wildest adults of the bunch. There was no one else in our age bracket; no one fresh out of college; no one that knew how to have real fun!!! So, we took it upon ourselves to break 'em all in. Because we worked in the youth ministry, we led along some of those youngins, trying to help them get a little wild and crazy sometimes (in the Lord, of course). So one year... Wait! A little more background first...

New Years Eve has always been torturous for me. The whole "praying in the New Year" when we could be banging pots and making a ruckas has always been a bit of a wet blanket. And please don't get me wrong, I love prayer! I believe in prayer! In my journey I have been known as one of those intense and even spooky intercessors (a little embarassed about that sometimes). But when it comes to "praying in the New Year," I'm not superstitious about it!! I don't think God minds one aiota if we pray at 5:00 PM or 8:00 PM or 12:30 AM after the ball has dropped, if you catch my drift. So one year...

Terry and I tried to recreate that PIDC beauty pageant at our church, using men dressed in women-costumes and women dressed in women-costumes. We had a quirky MC that actually surprised me with his wit. We bought dresses from the second hand store, and each constestant thought up a talent to perform. It was a riot!! Mike S. was Miss Estonia (it was an international pageant) and his/her talent was interpretive dance to worship music using flashlights. Oh, how I laughed and laughed. Clint K., who was one of our teenagers from youth group, as well as the son of the pastor--he wore a size 14, red dress. It was tight! A little too tight for stage!!! Embarassingly tight!!! But he didn't care--the show must go on. (OH I wish someone had taken pictures--but they were all too in shock). When the pageant was over and dessert was being eaten all around the building, all I saw were the intense scowls and disapproving stares of Pastor Joe and Gargie (his wife). THEY WERE HORRIFIED!!! The guys basically looked to them, like a bunch of transvestites rather then ugly women. (We failed to remember the need for wigs--ooh). We were soooooo SHAMED!!! I walked in shame for about 3 years, never to try and be funny with the adults again. HAHAHAHHAH!! Thank God I'm free. Yes, I am rolling on the floor here at the memory of it all.

Let's do it again!!!

LIKE GRANDFATHER LIKE MOTHER LIKE SON

I always loved shop class when I was in school. I remember as a kid, when we moved into my grandfather's house, being very intrigued by all his old handheld tools down in the basement. They were so cool--especially the hand drill. I come from a line of handymen; craftsmen; woodmakers; Jack-of-all-tradesmen. You know the type. I definitely received those genes in my batch.

Luke, my 15 year old, walked in the door today carrying these delightful items shown in the picture. It's a handmade tool box, an oversized screwdriver, a mallet-like hammer, and a hook. He made them all in tech. Pretty cool. I thought my dad would especially appreciate this fine workmanship.

Luke announced that he thought the hook was just "retarded." Why, you ask? According to him, it was too easy and entailed very little skill. I asked him to please make four more, because I would like to have the girls hang their coats on hooks rather than the frikkin kitchen chairs.

Sidenote: You should see the shop room at school. It's not only kept emaculate, but is QUITE high tech. Go Mr. Z!!

DUELING PERFORMANCES

Yes! The Hochstedlers were performing all over town yesterday. Every where you turned, a Hochstedler was there! Anika was one of the main parts in the small church play with the other kids. She had two shows, one in the afternoon at the rest home and one in the evening at the church. I had my long awaited Choral Society performances, after weeks of rehearsals; one in the afternoon and one in the evening. Although my daughter and I had to miss each others performances, which were happening simultaneously, Terry was able to see both of them. (He failed to take any pictures of the chorus *sniff sniff*).

My group sang, with a wonderful, small orchestra, Bach, Purcel, Boyce, Vivaldi and finally, Handel's Chandos. It was a challenging bunch of music, but delightful to sing. I'm very happy I joined the chorus again. Most of the members are senior citizens, but excellent singers. I think I'll do another round of rehearsals for a concert in the spring.

(And I was introduced last night, at our concert reception, to a woman who plans to put together a 12-voice jazz singers group--I think she'll count me in. YESSSSS!!! It's been my desire for several years now. Thank you, GOD!).

MEMORIES OF A FIVE-YEAR-OLD

I don't know why, but I have hundreds of memorable snapshots in my brain of when I was at the tender age of 5. I must have been so impressionable at that time of my life.

I thought it would be entertaining to just list a few of those memories. *Notice* Some of the stories may be augmented due to the nature of a five-year-old mind. Also, the photograph is of me, but not at the age of 5, but rather 2 or 3 (I think).

So, randomly I list...

I remember my mom calling up the stairs to me every evening, that my favorite program was on--Flip Wilson. I'm thinking it was the show that my mom wanted to be my favorite. He was funny, though.

I remember my mom sitting in the recliner watching TV and saying, "Eww, someone has very stinky feet!" only to find out that one of my brothers was holding a smelly sock just behind the chair to smoke her out.

I remember my neighborhood friend, Beverly Geckle, daring me to poop in my pants--so I did it. I got in BIG trouble when I got home. I thought my mom would believe me when I said it was an accident.

I remember getting my first bee sting under my armpit when I was playing hopscotch.

I remember faking that I brushed my teeth, because I believed that there was a conspiracy with the toothpaste makers and the dentists, and that floride actually broke down your tooth enamel so that you got more cavities. I didn't have any cavities until college--only two iddy biddy ones.

I remember getting a snoopy electric toothbrush (to encourage brushing), and I would turn it on from my bedroom window to flirt and with the neighborhood boys who were playing basketball in the driveway below. I just wanted their attention.

I remember having to use the thumb-sucking/nail-bitting deterent to stop me from sucking my finger. I cried about it and complained that it got in my eyes (which wasn't really true, but the fib worked. I never had to get that treatment again).

I remember when my sister got a pony. My parents didn't have a trailor and walked it a loooong way from its former home to our home--like 5 miles. (Those were the days weren't they). I also remember that pony stepping on my foot.

I remember being in the church Christmas play as an angel, but on the way there we got stuck in a snow storm and ended up missing the whole thing. My baby brother was supposed to be Jesus, so some baby girl played the part instead (you know... the manger part). We eventually got there... in time to get an orange from Santa (weird).

I remember searching for 4-leaf clovers with the neighbor boy, Pete, and faking that I found one. He didn't believe me anyway and grabbed it out of my hand and ripped it to pieces. I decided to believe (and insist) that it was to a real 4-leafer, and he wrecked it like a big meany! I hated him! I wonder if I've ever forgiven him.

I remember when it snowed, practicing my down-hill skiing on our backyard slope . I also remember my mom taking us skiing on a real bunny slope not too far away from where we lived. I cried because I just couldn't find any success with the tow rope!

I remember having a god-mother named June that would send me gifts. For many, many years I kept this one framed needle-point of a girl and her kitten . I don't know where it disappeared to--probably a yard sale.

I remember running away with my friend Amy. No reason, we just wanted to. We took her kitten with us and got a fairly good distance from our street, when a neighbor spotted us and called my parents.

I remember when my friend Amy moved out of the nieghborhood, and I got to sleep over at her new house. It was when my little brother was born. It was a great experience. We played Tom Sawyer in her back woods and she had a cat who actually used the human toilet. But, everything fell apart for me when her mom asked me if I wanted grits for breakfast. I had never tasted grits before, but was willing... I actually hated them and got in trouble by Amy's mom for not eating them. Parents were very strict back then.

I remember playing Gilligans Island with my brother in the basement. We would crawl along the tops of the appliances in search of a rescue. I was always "Mary Ann," only with the name of Ginger. I loved the name Ginger.

I remember the new boys who moved into Amy's house, Nicki and Jr. We played a lot. Maybe a little too much, cuz one time in their basement they showed me their winkies.

I remember my poodle, Bonnie, having puppies and my mom, instead of letting me watch, sent me to get the a neighbor. Actually, Bonnie was having trouble and had to go to the vet for an emergency c-section or whatever. But I was sorely disappointed that I didn't get to see any of the puppies come out.

OK ok that's enough. There are so many more... I could go on and on. It definitely was a cherished time in my life--such innocence childhood delight. Anyway, is there a time in your childhood that plays back like a movie (or photo album)? Do tell!

WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?

Last night things were running smoothly. I was cooking pot roast which makes dinner much easier, but I realized as I was taking care of bills and such, that I never recieved a particular credit card bill. Uh oh! It was surely due. I had been waiting for it but it never came. So, I called the automated service and listened for my balance and the date it was due--12/6... dammit! Now it'll be late. Anyway, I went ahead and paid the bill and called the company to find out what the deal was--why no statement this month (very good, Karen! Very, very good).

You'll never guess who I got on the phone. Jackie Chan! It sure did sound like him! So he goes through the situation with me. I swear these people on the other end of the phone do NOT know how to improvise. They can only read their script and that's about it (I guess it wasn't Jackie). I'm like, "Hellooo-oo??? Surely you understand English. Can you just talk to me like a real person? Or are you actually a robot?" It's crazy! Anyway, I found out that last month's statement went to my physical address rather than the billing address--WTF??? I never changed our address. I've always received the statement before. Why would this happen??? THIS STRESSED ME OUT!!! "Jackie" corrected everything, explained all that he had done for the umpteenth time, and then asked me his final scripted question, "These are the corrections I've made, are their any other questions I can help you with at this time?" I asked if he could explain how my address could have been changed without my authorization. He went through the whole ordeal of what he had done to fix everything, and then asked again if he could answer any other questions. I could have gone round and round with him. AGHGHghhh!!! NEVER FRIKKIN MIND!!!

STRESSED OR NOT?

That is the question! I certainly do not feel stressed (although I am wondering why I am no longer able to post many images which would be my first and second choices but rather have to resort to something that isn't my first pick--whatever!). So, again, I do not feel like the picture, thank God!!! In fact, lately I've felt practically stress free. My Christmas shopping is done (online shopping baby) and mostly wrapped, because of all the "peekers" in my home. Nate is rolling along in his home school work fairly well. He's going snowboarding this next week which motivates... I've made some choices about my Musikgarten classes, which basically amounts to the reality that I don't need be driven to build that business presently if the timing isn't right (which it isn't).

Now before you think of putting me up on some pedestal... PLEASE DON'T!!! My stress level goes through the roof right around dinnertime every night. It's way too much of a juggle at that time of day. I'll be all relaxed mid-day and then the pressure gets turned on; Nate needs to go to work at 2 which means I have to pick Caleigh up from school before she gets on the bus. If she does get on the bus I have to call my neighbor quickly, so that Caleigh can get off at her house until I'm home; my piano students arrive sometime between 3:15-5:30 which means I have to get the routine ruckus to quiet down or go home (I prefer the latter); Nate needs to be picked up from work around 5 which falls in the middle of a lesson; throughout it all Caleigh needswants this and wants that but desperately needs a nap, which she can't take due to the ruckus; Of course, Elizabeth needs help with her homework--always; Noah needs to be let in because he's a sissy dog about the cold; Anika has a volleyball game or needs to be picked up from the school; and SOMEONE needs to make dinner!!! Pepper in all those requests from Luke and his friends for a ride into town or the deli, or home from town or the deli, as well as, Jennah's requests to go to her friend's house. Lord have mercy!

IMAGES WON'T POST BUT PUNS WILL

ALL PUNS INTENDED...

1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the
reception was excellent.

2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says,"I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm, and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."

6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"

7. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home." That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome. "Is it common?" Well, "It's Not Unusual."

8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," says Dolly. "It's true; no bull!" exclaims Daisy.

9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn't find any.

12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't - I've cut off your arms!"

13. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.

14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says, "Dam!"

16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel, and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office, and asked them to disperse. "But why,"they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

18. A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt, and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.. This made him. (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good) ... A super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

THEY'LL FIND YOU HERE

In case you did not wish to be left behind when the extraterrestrials come to sweep some of us away... be sure to station yourself near the KFC MEGA billboard in Nevada. They are desperate for business way out there in the middle of nowhere and have decided to target an audience from outerspace. And from what I hear, it may be working.

(Hey Mark, did you happen to see KFC's advertisement while you were on vacation)?

WHERE'S THE IMAGE TOOL?

For those who are wondering... blogger did some kind of maintenance the other day that caused some beta users to suddenly have no access to adding a picture to their post. I checked the "help" section and it said:

Some users are unable to upload images on the beta due to a fix made yesterday, 9/6. The solution for this particular problem is to clear your browser’s cache. (As a note, we appreciate your patience as we work through the hiccups and problems with image uploading in general.)

If you don't know how to clear your browser's cache, try doing a google search and follow the instructions. When I cleared my cache it fixed the image tool problem. Hope it all works out for you.

HAVING BABIES AT HOME

Most of you know that Terry and I have six kids. Did you know that my four girls were all born at home? Homebirth rocks!!! My first great homebirth effort was with Nate--my second child--but for reasons I won't expound upon we ended up in the hospital for the final push. So that made Anika--my next birthing "opportunity"--the first REAL homebirth.

I actually flew down to North Carolina where my parents were living and my midwife was practicing. I was to deliver the baby in my parents' home. The timing was impeccable (thanks be to God). I flew down 3 days before my due date, saw the midwife 2 days before, hung out the next day waiting for "something" to happen, preliminary labor began the next morning, asked the midwife if it would be ok to climb a mountain to get that labor really kicked in (seriously), climbed Chimney Rock while in labor, came home and gave birth to the 7lb beauty within the hour, and ended the evening with a nice dinner with family, midwife and friends. Boarded a plane 2 1/2 days later with Anika in my arms rather than in my tummy and slept in my own bed that night.

OH WAIT... I forgot to mention that the midwife and her assistant (Jamie, who was my dear friend and roommate at college) didn't make the delivery in time! The mountain climb kind of sped things up a bit. hahah My mom, husband and sister took care of business. It's the inexpensive way to do things. LOL!

MORE DIRT...

When I was sixteen I made a radical decision to turn my life over to God. I became a true follower of Christ and made serious changes to demonstrate my devotion to the Lord. I no longer did things like drink alcohol or smoke the "funny stuff" or act in a promiscuious manner. I stopped swearing like a sailor. I threw away all my secular music and began listening only to music that was produced by a Christian label. I was "on fire" for God and let everyone know where I stood. My friends at school said I should become a nun--hahaha. I don't know how they could figure that--but whatever.

I lived my young life in pursuit of holiness and godliness. It went on through the college years. After graduation in 1989, Terry and I were married. We lived in NY for a few GLORIOUS months and sadly returned to ORU in August because he was hired as a dorm director for the 1989-90 school year. We lived in the little apartment on second floor of the guys dorm; EMR. That wasn't so fun for me, because I couldn't even really have girls come visit me. Halfway through the year we moved over to the apartment in towers (Michael I think it was). It was a depressing year for me. I loved being married but, living on campus in a boys dorm wasn't exactly my idea of the honeymooner stage. I was ready to move on with our lives.

One day Terry had confiscated two mini bottles of liquor from a student. Being that he was a dorm director he was in charge of certain disciplinary situations. The reason that the liquor was an ordeal was because Oral Roberts University had an honor code that all students had to sign in blood. This honor code was a promise that while enrolled as a student one would refrain from things such as drinking alcohol, doing drugs or having sex outside of marriage, etc. These two bottles of vodka and gin (or whatever they were) sat on our desk for a couple of months. Neither of us thought of simply tossing them in the garbage. In my depths of despair one day, I thought it would be hilarious to help myself to those two bottles... and I did. I hadn't had a drop of alcohol for over six years, so this was a big deal.

After drinking all of the vodka and half of the gin I promptly refilled them with water. I was feeling quite "happy" and decided to share my joy. I took a little stroll down to Terry's office in the dean's department. I had to confess to my husband right away what I had done. It was really funny to me, but he was absolutely horrified--especially that I came to his office in a state that was a little less than sober. We were newly married--less than a year--so I felt really guilty for freaking him out like that and my fun was over. I think I went back to the dorm and cried.

After that day I went for another 12 years without drinking a drop (we were holy Christians--not like those blasted wine bibbers). hahaha

We're not so stiff anymore. I laugh now about the *HORROR* of drinking two mini bottles of alcohol.

SOME "DIRT" ENTITLED: THE SOMBRERO

My dirt for today comes from that whacky era of my eighth grade year, where mischief and exploration met periodically to play. Most of my adventures were totally and perfectly creative; outstanding even, whereas other adventures... well... let's just say I wasn't exactly the best behaved adolescent girl on the block *gasp*. It's shocking, I know. I walked two sides of the fence.

One of my friends, Erling, who was not typically a mischievious kid, but who was enduring his parents' divorce thought it would be a great idea to have a little party at his dad's house while his dad was away. YESSSS!! BAD IDEA!!! I remember biking over to the house on a summer evening. Some how beer was available and we all drank a little *horror*. There were a few older kids there as well, which is probably where the beer came from in the first place. And just in case you don't know this, thirteen-year-olds cannot handle more then a single beer before they become loaded and pathetic. I abhored the taste of beer, so I wasn't able to get much of a buzz going... although I could certainly act like it.

Things were getting a little crazy. For instance, we discovered a sombrero in the house and started doing a little Mexican sombrero dance--you know, snapping the fingers and walking around it in a circle singing La Cucaracha. Nothing wrong with that--but someone tell me why Erling was dancing around the hat in his underwear?? Regardless of how that happened, it was quite hilarious--especially when the cops showed up!!! YES! For some reasons (mothers always know) his mom drove by the house and knowing that the ex was out of town decided to call the cops when she saw that people were in the house. I distinctly remember Erling holding the hat in front of his tighty whiteys while the cops question all of us. They took down our names and phone numbers, etc. That part was a little terrifying.

After our run-in with the law we all took off into the woods and on with our crazy adventure--only to get in big trouble the following day when our parents got a phone call from the police. SORRY MOM AND DAD!!!