BEWARE!

I always forget to take my camera when I know I'll be driving through a particular neighborhood that at one time had it's very own local witch watching over them. Literally! I want to take a picture of the sign. It used to say, "This Area is Protected by the Neighborhood Witch." People would attempt to change the sign by painting an "A" over the "I" in the last word, but always, to no avail. The "I" would return within the day. It was uncanny. I hated that sign! It was spooky.

One time, my brother-in-law and BJ were driving through this well-traveled neighborhood, between jobs, and the idea struck them: HEY, let's knock over the witch sign... PURELY BY ACCIDENT, OF COURSE! The driver--who will remain nameless for his protection--touched the bumper of his truck up against the sign, put the vehicle in drive and slowly began to plow it down. The sign started bending over with great success, until suddenly the post slipped over the side of the bumper and got caught in between the bumper and the grill. Now they were stuck. He tried frantically turning the wheel and reversing and going forward and reversing, as well as gunning it. He could not easily break free and the two of them were unnerved! IT WAS BLACK MAGIC I TELL YOU!! lol!

They finally broke free, but the front bumper was in sad shape. The sign was no worse for the challenge. The sign got the victory!

Eventually, several years later, a bunch of the cute little houses on that lane changed owners (probably for a kool $1,000,000 or 2 EACH) and the sign eventually returned to the traditional "Neighborhood Watch" detail.

Those were interesting times.

Sayings for 2008!

What sayings can you come up with for this upcoming year? Here are some of mine...

Find your MATE in 2008
This one's obviously for those who are ready to tie the knot, but haven't found your wo/man, or... if you're from Australia it may be that you need a roomy to help out with rent but all last year you kept coming up with loosers that had to be sent on their way. If that's you, this is your year! or... if your dog is finally ready to have a litter and you are planning to make the big bucks by selling puppies...

Year of the WICKET GATE in 2008
If you're one of those who has a new pool and fencing around the entire back yard and yet only one gate, you shall see some new wicket gates in the new year. HALLELUJAH!

It's time to RECRIMINATE in 2008
If you're into revenge...
(we'll see how the superintendent and school board goes)

Surpassing the PAYMENT RATE in 2008
The year to receive a huge chunk of money from the sale of an estate, from winning the lottery, receiving an inheritance from a rich uncle you didn't know you had, or returns on investment stocks, and then wisely using the money to pay off all debts--WOOHOO!!

Cashing in on the RAIN DATE in 2008
Calling people into account to make good on their proomises. No more letting them off the hook!

Pass the PLATE in 2008
A resolution year to go off the diet track (screw it), or... a request for money.

Trying to SEE STRAIGHT in 2008
This one is for those who are getting older and having eye trouble, or... for those who need to get off the booze.

We Await the BERATE in 2008
It's election year. Enough said.

Ok. That's all I've got. Have you got one?

Post Christmas Joys

Ah yes, it's the day after Christmas. I feel exhausted. I've been sick for the entire week, but still functional. Every night I wake up choking and coughing with the worst tickle in my throat. I get up about 12 times a night to get some water and suck on a cough drop. I've fallen asleep with the cough drop in my mouth even at the risk of swallowing it. Yeah! I'm just like that--a major risk taker.

On Christmas Eve I could have easily gone to bed at 8 PM from exhaustion, but we went to a friend's party and then mosied on over to church for a candle light service (the 6:00). Once we got home, we settle in to watch The Christmas Story which was playing on TV for 24 hours straight--and rightfully so, being that it's an all-time classic! By 10:00 I was done! And yet... the stockings needed to be filled and Caleigh's new bike needed the tires pumped. It just so happened that after miraculously finding the tire pump in the madhouse garage, we discovered that the pump was completely busted. Terry even took it all apart and put it back together. Nothing! There was no way that we were going to present to Caleigh her new bike with two flat tires. That would never do. So, we jumped in the van and went up the street to the Hess station for an "11th hour" tire pumping session. Literally--it was the eleventh hour. (Btw she was thrilled to get another bike this year ).

Today the girls have been playing and playing. They have been outside quite a bit because it's actually very mild in the temperatures. They took Noah for a walk down the trails. Wouldn't you know that he found some poop to roll in. Aaaggghhhhh!! They never even noticed. They also never noticed all the mud on the bottom of their boots as they traipsed in and out of the house. Oh JOY! They never paid attention about the egg yoke spillage from breakfast they left on the counter to harden. They were oblivious to the empty boxes and packages and pans and the butter dish and empty milk carton and plates they left everywhere after making and eating macaroni and cheese for lunch. GLORIOUS!

Anyway, I just finished giving Noah a bath in the tub. He loves it. The water is warm and cozy (which is only for my benefit--but lucky for him). The bathing procedure basically translates to him that he's receiving a nice deep tissue doggy massage bath at the local pet spa. His favorite thing is being dried off with the towel. It's enough bliss for him to consider rolling in something again tomorrow. (If he does, he'd better say his prayers). Of course, once I finished the pet shop beauty salon session, I put on my "Consuela cleaning hat" and washed the tub and bathroom floor. As I left the bathroom to enter back into the real world, I noticed that the wetness from Noah's paws was combining nicely with the dirt clods that had been tracked all through the house. It was creating a lovely, muddy floor cover. The laundry is piling on the kitchen floor made up of soaked towels from the "salon" and a blanket that the girls decided to leave on the floor for Noah to lay on after his bath. WRONG! Now, I suppose I have to get out the mop to remove all the doggy footprints throughout the house.

[CRASH]

AAAGggghhhhhhh wouldn't you know? The top of the glass butter dish was left on the counter in front of the microwave, and no one noticed when they popped open the microwave door, sending the butter dish cover crashing to the floor in a splittery mess of glass shards. Can life get any better than this?

I think it's time for my nana nap!

The Big DAY!

How is/was your Christmas? Mine is and continues to be AWESOME!!!!

I got a laptop!!! WOOHOO!!! And an awesome, beautifully stunning, Bulova watch with 16 diamonds. Yea, baby!

What did you get? Oh, I forgot... that's not what Christmas is all about...

HAH!!! (Well, I'm excite about my gifts anyway.)

Some Holiday Hints

First, take some time to shake the snowglobe!

Next, remember, if you have cold weather in your area--always make sure you are prepared and watchful...

If you've had a bad day make sure to play the Elf Game.

After that, if you know that you have received a fruit cake for Christmas... or are planning to give a fruitcake... or have ever actually seen a fruitcake, you should take a look at this site to understand what horrible things are happening around the world.

But whatever you do (MEN) with the frozen weather all over various parts of the US, don't EVER let this happen to you:

Lastly, if you are really in the festive holiday spirit, you can write your own letter to Santa and he will respond at this website. Btw... it's bad santa, so don't blame me for anything he might say.

What's Happenin' Around Town

I've been buzzing all over the place these daze, attending the various events my kids are participating in. Anika's volleyball team won two days in a row. Woohoo. I love volleyball. They have an away game tonight that Terry will be able to see. Watch out! They are gathering steam and may become unstoppable. <--two p's or one?

(And... it's a really cool picture--if I don't say so myself)

Every year the high school band does a little Christmas Carol Mini Tour around Bridgehampton. I caught up with them at the post office yesterday to cheer them on! Yay!

There's Nate--blowin' the ole horn along with Ryan and Lindsey.

And some of the girls...

Next, I made it up to the school for the 6th grade's "Country of Origin" presentations and Christmas party. Each student made a power point presentation about their family's origins and brought in a dish to share from that particular ethnic background. Our family is mix mash of origins, but Jennah choose the German portion. I brought in Vichyssoise (potato leek soup) which is actually French, but we played it off like it was some secret family recipe from her great great great grandmother who owned a leek farm in the late 1800's (hahaha), none of which is true. I don't think.

It was also the KILLER BEES first game at home. They played well, even though they didn't win the game. The cheerleaders were lots of fun.

And I am proud of Nate. First of all, he's finally playing a team sport again after two years of nothing. Second of all, he's doing very well although he must catch up on the experience-end of the game. Thirdly, he was one of the starting five and played the ENTIRE game! Very impressive. GO NATE!

Keep praying for that boy as I bask in the goodness of the moment.

I'm off now to one more school event, which will wrap up the year of 2007 (at school anyway).

Cavalcade of Bad Nativities (2004)

Since I no longer receive many humor emails from one of my favorite sources *ehem* I had to dig way back into the "fun files" archives for something really good. This was written by my former "source of sheer entertainment" who must remain nameless--unless she wishes to come forth.

Whoooo is the son of God? Whoooo?

Celebrity Nativity at Madame Tussauds
I know when I think of the Virgin Mary, Posh Spice is the first person who comes to mind. And that's Hugh Grant as a shepherd, next to Samuel L. Jackson.

Weird and Unnerving They're, um, naked. Naked little trolls.


Savior under glass
We will look at some examples of strange nativity waterglobes.
Bethlehem air traffic control didn't know what to do about the people floating above the city.

Here's another example of the hermetically sealed Baby Jesus concept. The waterglobe part rotates. Of course it does.

The Messiah in the bubble "So, as you can see, it wasn't really a normal delivery. Do you think you can get him out?"


They tried to be cheerful, but they knew the spider would return soon.

The huge snowman angel is frightening.
Maybe santa is bringing baby Jesus a nice refreshing Coca-Cola

Who stole the cookie from the deeply confused cookie jar?
I'm imagining the design meeting on this one.

"Rainbow! There's a rainbow in the Bible. You know, Noah? Let's put a rainbow in there."
"Wasn't Joseph, like, really old when Jesus was born?"
"You're thinking of Abraham. He was old when Isaac when born, and then there was the whole sacrifice thing..."
"Look, I've already made his hair gray, so you're just going to have to deal with it."
"Is that a bottle in his hand?"
"NO. That's a lantern."
"Are you sure? 'Cause it looks like a bottle. Whoo hoo! Toasting the birth of the Christ child!"
"It's. A. Lamp."
"Maybe the wise men brought booze for the new dad. That was so thoughtful. It's definitely a bottle."
"SHUT IT! It's a LAMP! I hate you." [flounces out]


It's Christmas...in the village of the damned
Proof that there is something worse than Pweshus Moments. And that's...knockoffs with seriously deranged lipliner.
Yummmmmmmm
Is the baby Jesus made from mini marshmallows and those little Andes tingaling mints? And his name shall mean, Snacks Are With Us.

Crap, now I want a S'more. And I don't even really like S'mores.

I feel like chicken tonight
Chicken nativity! *b'gock*

I would really have to display this one in a creche made from a KFC bucket.

Can't sleep...Joseph will eat me...
Yes, it's a gianormous inflatable holy family. of course it lights up.

CSI: Bethlehem
Both adults appeared to be missing their legs.
I'm a Parade Float
That's some sparkle. There's a wise man on the back, presumably lost and trying to find his way back to the front.

"I think your robe is FAAAAB-u-lous!"
Is there any more beautiful combination of words in the English language than glitter nativity? I actually bought this one on ebay, and will have it soon. It will sit under my aluminum tree and be so very festive. I love this.

The Holy Family of Kitsch
This is a set of costumes for those geese people have on their porches, the ones that get dressed up to match the current holiday or season. Those geese. The best detail is of course the baby Jesus. Since I guess there are no cement/resin/plastic baby ducklings available, well, rubber ducky, you're the one.

Lo, I have come to make bathtime so much fun!



"All I'm saying is, you could think about changing a diaper once in a while!"
(Mary looks really pissed off here.)

Doggie Nativity--both live and imaginary!
Disco Holy Family!
In the future, holiness will be designated by fiber optics. It's true!
The person whose soul-crushing job it is to write product descriptions for this stuff says it best:

This colorful 14” fiber optic nativity is a must have for your Christmas décor. Exquisitely crafted from porcelain and masterfully accented with hand painted details, this beautiful nativity contains transparent fibers that continuously change through a rainbow of colors.

Got that? It's exquisitely crafted. Those details are masterful!
Once again proving that the only thing better than a cheap nativity is a cheap nativity with fiber optic holiness-indicators:

I think everyone looks a little cramped in there for some reason. Joseph looks like his feet hurt. That star is just kind of crammed onto the roof, there's a random pillar in there, and everyone has to hold their heads at weird angles to see the child. I kind of feel sorry for them.

This is a very depressing nativity, and the fiber optics only make it worse. It's trying too hard.

Nativity Bake Set
I don't know about you, but I never want to have to decide if I should eat the baby Jesus feet-first or head-first.

And where would you keep your tasty creche-o-licious treats?
How about here:


mmmmm...savior-licious
Chocolate Nativity
Research suggests that cats actually hate being dressed up.

Is this the Bible Belt? (ba-dum-bum)
The problem with most of the nativities I've posted so far is that you can't really take them with you. Only a select few people will ever know about the glory of your nativity collection...unless! You get this amazing nativity belt buckle.

This was on ebay. It's a nightlight.
Those are aliens, right? Back in the window?

Hey kids! Come throw beanbags at the holy family! Yeah!

I thought everyone could use a lesson on Bad Nativities... Because I care!

I hope you enjoyed the Cavalcade of Bad Nativities
Advent 2004 edition.

I've Got My Feelers Out

Photo belongs to ShutterSam. I think it's pretty kool!

I don't know exactly why I get in this "feelers out" mode, but there are these seasons I go through where I start putting myself out there. What can I do now? How can I make a difference in this little world of mine? Is there some kind of service I can offer, or impact I can make by getting involved? It's like, I want to leave my footprint. I want to be a part of something bigger than myself.

Do I do this because I'm bored? I don't think so. This is basically the busiest time of year--post-fall and post-spring. I'm currently running from one sports game to another--this event to that event. There's Christmas shopping (done--woohoo), parties to attend, extra church events, important School Board meetings--you name it. I'm there. But, as I race from one thing to the next, I continue to come up with ideas and things I can personally do to invest myself. Most of them don't bring in any financial income, although, a few options do.

So, in addition to everything I already do on a regular basis (I won't bore you with the details)...

I've been considering running for the school board, as elections are coming up in April. (three year term)

I've made myself available to lead the worship music at church twice a month--one Sunday service and one Wednesday service. (indefinite term)

Just yesterday I informed the teacher who runs the yearbook staff that I would like to be on the committee this year. This also means that I want to use my camera a lot more than I have been. (one year term which probably leads into many years)

I inquired with the pastor at my church about the part-time position being made available in the office. (ongoing...)

I accepted a request to teach an adult piano lessons starting after Christmas. (four lessons to start, where it will lead depends...)

I thought many times about helping to put on a musical production. It's an idea that hasn't been acted on yet, but has been a ongoing discussion with friends over the past year. (one-time thing or ongoing, according to it's success)

I have offered to help with a fund-raiser for some kids to go on a ski/snowboard trip in Feb. The whole trip may end up in my lap if I'm not careful. (over in 45 days)

I have put out many offers to help getting certain school events promoted and advertised. It's all volunteer. (ongoing as needed)

Someone should snatch me up for their business and pay me lots of money!!! But they never will, because I'm always doing these things for free. Maybe I should have been a nun.

Back By Popular Demand

Christmas Crafts! We have decided to have a family craft day and are making these following items for the kids' teachers, our neighbors and all our family members. If you're at a loss about what to gift to give--homemade crafts are always a winner. I want to pass along these great ideas, in case you missed out on last year's posts.

Maxi Pad Christmas Slippers

These slippers are so simple to make. All you need are four pads, some glue and a few decorations. I'll let you figure this one out on your own. Be creative!

Next, I bring you the...
Tampon Angel


1. Dip into water until tampon expands.
2. Remove and tie at the top to create the angel's head.
3. Let hang (by handy dandy string) for several days until dry.
4. Paint face with peach or skin tone color, and draw small black dots for eyes.
5. Add blush or pink paint to cheeks.
6. Paint "dress" with glimmer paint.
7. Criss-cross thin gold ribbon across chest (around neck) .
8. Add yellow doll hair to top of head as well as a gold pipe cleaner for a halo.
9. For the grand finale...glue small gold angel wings to back.

Ta da!!!
You would never know she belonged anywhere other than your tree!!!!
People have to look long and hard to figure out how that little darlin really was made!!!

I'm your little visiting angel, pretty as a swan.
I'll decorate your tree or wreath from dusk until the dawn.
I know that every month you'll think of me and put a smile on!
I'll even be hanging around when you crave a box of bon bons.
Now I guess you've figured out, and no, you're not wrong...
Someone found out another use for a playtex tampon!

Blessings on you! (And no--I did not make up that ridiculous "ode to the tampon angel")

The first real snow

We failed to get the leaves raked before the snow came. Better luck next fall!

This is Great!

Be Careful What You Say

Let me restate that.

I should be careful what I say!!! Yes, indeed. And the peanut gallery all agrees. So, let it be a lesson for us all.

You all know that I tend to freely share my thoughts. You've seen that, here in bloggerville, I'm not so private about my life. I'm the same in my "real life" as I am here in this "fake life." I'm basically an open person, but... I'm thinking that maybe I should be more... careful? More selective?? When I am conversing with a friend, I tend to think that the person I'm speaking with is as Kool as I am. I may even assume that they are as smart as me--even thought that's a lot to assume of a person (har har). I do it from my natural inclination; I give everyone the benefit of the doubt. I'm optimistic about people. I actually believe that after a friendly conversation they won't take the things I say and quote me to someone else, especially in order to beef up whatever complaint they happen to be making that day. "Yea, and Karen even said that blah blah blah..." When I discover that this has happened, man, it really chaps my hide! It's worse when they never even listened what I actually was saying, but heard only what they wanted to hear. Yes, I will be more selective about who I spend time with and what I say.

The fact is... I view life through my lens and my experiences and understanding, while someone else views it through theirs. One thing I cannot do is remember quotes, or lines from a movie, or the exact wording from a conversation (unless I've set out to memorize something), but I can remember meanings and concepts easily, as well as the mood or the emotion accompanying words in a conversation. Another example is with songs, I can pick up the melody and harmony and chord structure perfectly on the first or second hearing, but it takes me great diligence and concentration to catch the lyrics. So, when I speak and when I write, I'm not much of a wordsmith, nor am I poetic, but I am a fairly decent communicator none the less... And yet, my speech can sometimes be overly impassioned and I'm not so great at diplomacy. (I used to be a real hothead--but I've since calmed down... mostly).

[Hey it's snowing--woohoo--school concert is cancelled tonight--WOOHOO!!]

There are a few things that I've said and done along the way that I don't claim to be proud of. I know how shocked you feel right now, but it's true. I'd like to keep a cap on some of those embarassing situations. But... well... aw shucks. I'm just that open.

Over the summer I was at a party... with adult friends... and teenagers. It's true that there was a cabana-like tent overhead. It's true that there were poles to hold up the tent. It is NOT true, however, that I started it, nor that I was drunk! But... a certain other person, who I think may have been drunk, jokingly started... uhhh... uhem... pole dancing? There! The secrets out. I joined the other person at the second pole. But, it was for all of 20 seconds... and we were fully clothed... and not acting sleezy... We were just jokin' around. It was sheerly for the memories and the future laughs. How humiliating!

And that, my friend, had absolutely nothing to do with the first part of this post. RANDOM! It's all random.

Posting My Wishes...

It has worked pretty well so far. Last year I got a new oven... and a new pool! I also got a great camera, one that I only wished indirectly for i.e. posting lots of photos. I also received a gift of reading glasses with an indirect request i.e. complaining that my eyes othered me a lot. I also received another great unexpected gift--the Child UNfriendly ABC's poster. I've gotten other things from blogging, too, like a dumpster for my birthday and the bow flex removed from my bedroom. Blogging is great!

So, now that Christmas is approaching... hey! Why NOT?! You can't blame a girl for trying. And just to give a little background, we bought our Mazda MPV mini-van from an eBay seller about 3-4 years ago. It's a 2000. It's absolutley the economy version i.e. completely hollow doors, manual locks, manual windows, manual sliding doors. It has a radio/cd player, but the wires are shorting, sometimes when I turn on the heat it changes the radio station. The mileage reads about 180,000. When we bought it used the mileage read 77, 777. Pretty cool. Yea whatever. The gas flap won't close anymore. The door handle on the passenger side has broken off. The sliding door on the right won't open or close unless the driver's door is open. And to top it all off, the inspection is due the end of this month, so I made an appointment for tomorrow like a good girl! [pats self on back]. As soon as the appointment was written down in my calendar and I started the car, the "check engine" light came on!! And has remained on for the past two daze. So, I had to cancel the inspection and make an appt for the mechanic. OH BOTHER!!

So, with all that in mind, allow me to proceed with my presentation.

We need a new car! It would be beneficial if our family of 8 could fit in the vehicle, so that we could all go on a trip together.




There are so many to choose from. Not too many actually fit 8.




Has anyone noticed how expensive flights are these daze? Has anyone ever had to buy 8 tickets all at once... out of your own pocket?



There should be a discount for a family of eight. It's kind of like we're carpooling; saving the environment... except for the gas issue. But please don't make me drive another van for the next 12 years.



I've only ever gotten a brand new car once. It was a Hyundai excel for around $6000. I think the car payments were like $150 a month. This Mazda is nice--but small.


My parents just got a Lincoln Navigator. It's perfect for us. I think they should just give it to us for Christmas!!



Sorry but this one is plain ugly. I like Jeeps but only the little 4 seaters.





I like the idea of this one! Ford expedition XLT.







Thinking about getting another van... makes me want to throw up! Chevy Uplander.







Very nice! But the Tahoe is too small.

My sister swears by the Suburban. I am kind of leaning towards it myself.

Hows about a Chevy HHR. Very hip. Very Kool.

OK! Now here we go! A PASSENGER VAN! I deserve this punishment since I gave birth to 6 children and have sufficiently done my part to over populate the world.

But what I really WANT!!! Forget the kids. I should be driving in style!

This one is my FAVORITE!!! GET ME THIS ONE TERRY SANTA!!!

Pleeeeeeeeeaaaassse!!! I've been a good girl!