The Crash

Its no mystery that I'm a people person. Its also no secret that I thrive on a busy schedule (as long as my busyness involves having connection with people). My life has been full of people and busyness over the past many months. 

In June, our fourth child graduated from high school Valedictorian. 

In August, we had an amazing adventure to Alaska together with two other couples and a few kids. 

A week after that trip we sent said daughter off to her first year in college 2500 miles away. 

Also we had a family wedding to attend in North Carolina and another daughter to kiss goodbye for her third year 2000 miles away at college. 

September meant school began again with only two kids left to graduate. 

Columbus weekend was another family wedding in Maine. 

September also gave me some decisions to make. I was asked to music direct three musicals. I was already locked into one, when the next one I normally have done, was switched from the spring to the fall. I thought it would be crazy to take on two shows at the same time, but then the third show I've been doing for four consecutive years, also was suddenly switched from the spring to the fall. Now I was left to see if there was any possibility to swing three. Finances were a motivating factor with two in college. So, after much prayer, deliberation and calendar crunching, I decided to go for it. Its not a decision I regret. I didn't regret it once.

Here are a few pics...

Super fun pit band for "The World Goes Round" and the Director

Fabulous Cast whom I miss dearly

Great show with the school kids

Cast, Crew, Director, and me

Joy of my heart to see them grow so much

Performances for The World Goes Round ran for three weekends (12 shows). That was an all-music show, which got amazing reviews. I was so proud of the work!!! Loved the cast and it was an all-around great experience. I suffered great disappointment that so few of my friends and family came out. People who aren't performers don't seem to understand...

Fame was my show with the Sag Harbor middle school (sorry no pics) which was challenging to pull together but it went great, and The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee, the Bridgehampton high school show also was fabulous. These two shows both performed on the same weekend, which was the following weekend after closing World. I played the piano for the high school show and someone else played for the middle school show. Basically, my life revolved around practicing music for 3-4 hours in the morning while accomplishing my other office work, trying to get some kind of food in the crockpot, walking the dog, then running to rehearsals for one show and on the rehearsals for one of the other shows and getting home around 10pm, every week day for 10 weeks. We also had a fall youth retreat on one of the weekends in October where I was one of the speakers. It was busy. Exhausting. Exhilarating!!!

I knew the end was coming. I knew it was going to be quite an abrupt halt. I even warned the people around me that I was worried about it, because it's all very emotional; the highs from the successful performances. to the let down of it being over, to the pile-up of uninspiring work on the home front that needs to be tackled, to the utter boredom and sense of uselessness because the thrill and hard work and inspiration is gone. Oh, and did I mention the disappointments that start plaguing the mind, about people who didn't care enough to come out for the shows, or other various things that spring up to have to battle?

For me, more than anything, its the sudden lack of connection with the many people I've bonded with and taught music to for several weeks; its the lack of motivation to practice, because there's nothing challenging on the horizon to work towards; its the end of three major projects with very little to fill the void.

The depression and blues try to take over. Those closest, don't understand. And I mean CLUELESS!! I fade away into the background, because I suddenly can't connect to people easily with all the roller-coaster of emotion I'm working through. Its literally a grieving process. Seems silly, but it can't be helped. And then, there's the people who say, "I bet its a relief that its all over!" NO!!! Its not. I feel lost.

Having Thanksgiving holiday right now does not help. Having three of my six children somewhere else in the world and not home, does not help. Having none of my extended family to spend the meal together with, adds fuel to the sadness. I CAN find things to be thankful for, of course, but sadness is what I'm really feeling.

I'm making plans to start teaching privately again. I wish I felt more excited about it. I guess I like project-oriented stuff. There are plenty of things in my life that I do, regularly, for work. Some weeks I like what I'm doing just fine or at least I don't mine it. Other weeks it is painful and a drudgery, but I keep going. I keep moving forward. ITS NOT INSPIRATIONAL! Not everything has to be, however, I'm an artist. I am motivated by doing things that require my creative abilities--and when they are running full throttle, it motivates me to get all the less inspiring things accomplished, as well. It keeps me in a good place mentally. My soul is fed. This is how I am wired.

So, for now I'm a bit lost. It won't last forever. Its just something I must work through. I was just about to start rehearsals this coming week for an original play to be performed in January, but wouldn't you know, there was a scheduling conflict that caused me to decline the role. Its hitting me kind of hard and I'm a little angry. There are reasons for that, but it was my own choice to forego the play. I could have chosen to do it and skip out on one of the conflicts. Instead, I am "dying to self" on this one... and I don't like "dying to self." If I felt I was making the choice because I knew it was the right thing to do, maybe I'd be ok about it. Instead, I just feel like my needs aren't always that important... or maybe they just aren't understood. But then again, maybe I don't need what I think I need to be a person who makes a difference in this world.

I'll need to keep taking trips to the beach so at least Peppermint will be happy. Pepper's needs are important, too.

Not My Favorite Season

I've never much cared for Halloween! I do however like Snoopy. I had a stuffed Snoopy when I was young that I carried around with me everywhere, probably for several years straight. Before Snoopy, it was the blankey and finger sucking, but Snoopy must have helped me give those things up. Good Ole Snoopy!!And now I am hoping for Snoopy: the Musical to be chosen for the Bridgehampton school musical this year. It could happen. I would be excited.

As for the season of fall... I've never been a huge fan. It can be beautiful with the changing leaves, but its can also be a bit dreary and the colors can, on some years, be kind of brown. I guess it depends where you live and what kind of trees are local. The sugar maples are always AMAZING, but we don't have a ton of those growing here. The scrub oaks are what we have tons of, and they tend to turn brown if there is the least bit of rain during the changing of colors. BOOOO!! I want vibrant reds, oranges and yellows please. And I want them to stay for a while... long enough for me to get out there with my camera.

I did get out there this past weekend to get a few pics of Jennah. She's a beauty!

But back to the subject at hand, I don't really like the smell of the falling leaves, either. I've never appreciated that smell. I love the smell of springtime and SUMMER!!!!! Not so much fall and winter. And the leaves on the ground look so messy to me. Please don't make me go out and blow the leaves or rake them up. There will be a ton more to do again next week... and the next. I'd rather mow the grass twice a week, then rake leaves. The scent of fresh cut grass vs. decomposing leaves? There's a definite winner there.

And should I even mention Halloween? My dear friend, Sohailah and I, back in our college daze, always referred to it as Hell-o-ween, but that name is actually taken. (It's a German heavy metal band from the google search I just did). Anyway, I'm not a sour puss about Halloween, I just really don't care for it very much. I love a great scare, but I don't get what all the celebration is about. However, I would get a kick out of having an adult Halloween dress-up party with my friends. I can't do it this year because of the show performances, but maybe next year. HAH!

So there you have it. I just thought I'd share another very "informative" blog post with you fine readers.

P.S. As of this morning, Nate is back home from visiting his sister down in St. Augustine for a week. He'll be leaving the country for 3 months in another week from now. I'm gonna miss my boy. I already miss my Florida girl. I can hardly imagine how life will feel come next August, when another daughter will be college bound. :-|

Our Trip to Florida

We left at 2:30 am from our house and arrived to my parents' house in Sebastian around 1:15. Caleigh and Grace were reunited and had a little pool time.

We took Grace for a walk to the park and she really wanted to play on the slides.

Lizzy met a lizard friend, but she was a little scared.

Caleigh decided to catch one too, but it didn't really want to be bothered.

We went out to dinner at Mulligan's. Great place on the Indian River. It was my parents' birthday week.

I don't get in many pictures. I read somewhere recently that moms (usually the picture takers) should be sure and get in the pictures with their kids so they will have those valuable memories later on and not forget that their mama was their too. So what do my kids do? They take a picture of me by myself. Um...

We took a walk on the beach in the evening. It was a bit windy but the water was warmer than the air.

Our first Orlando adventure was Discovery Cove. Amazing place. This is my Aunt Nancy, Pops and Mom (Nancy's sister).

Anika met up with us for the weekend. Aren't these girls just growing up lovely???

BJ was incognito.

Having fun with Caleigh and the underwater camera.

The birds were amazing and they would come right down and land on us if we wanted.

Swimming with the fish was a beautiful sight but difficult to capture.

Lizzy and Jennah always clowning around.

Swimming with the dolphins...

Lizzy's first kiss.

Caleigh's dolphin ride.

She was happy with herself.

Jennah's dolphin ride.

Our other adventures involved Sea World, Aquatica and Disney World.

Photo bomb

Race cars... nothing has changed at the magic kingdom in over 25 years.

Caleigh got to drive, but the steering on these cars was useless. Quite funny, actually.

The castle and the princesses.

One day she will rule them all.

The girls met a friend.

And ww waited a good half hour for a photo op with Minnie.

Faces. Always with the faces.

Aren't they pretty?

Hey superman girl... wrong park.

We had a great time. Thanks for hosting us Mom and Pops... and also to Nancy for the condo!

Nice Weekend

Things are winding down for my busy schedule. Yay. Every day that another event takes place means one less thing on my list. We had the event at the church last night which was a Singalong and Family Christmas Concert. Different ones performed a song or two, and I led the congregation in a few medleys of Christmas carols. It was nice. I was really proud of the youth. One of this past week's rehearsal pieces (one I complained about in the last post) was performed last night, and I think it sounded pretty good. I'd post the real performance of it if it were recorded on my phone, but its on my husband's phone. So next time.

Here is Phil Wickham singing O Come O Come Emanuel


Another song was with my girls and BJ and me. I think it also went well. Caleigh performed the passage reading very well, and Lizzy sang solo for her first time. It would have been all of the girls with their mom and dad, but Anika had to work in the end. Boooo! It still made my heart glad to have our little Von Trapstedlers perform together.

We did the Phil Wickham version of O Come all Ye Faithful


Phil Wickham is masterful with these arrangements (not that I am sure he arranged them).

I sang Breath of Heaven (Mary's Song) but I was thinking it would have been beautiful to have someone do the sign language to the song. Then I found this on you tube which was even better.


So, I'm glad I can put those events to rest. Now I have 4 days more of rehearsals for Grease. I have to take Anika to the doctor again... she continues to have issues with tonsillitis as well as a painful wart on her heel. Could the two be related? kidding, kidding. AGh. The doctor's office. Boooo!

Random fact: The basement is almost finished being spackled as well as my bedroom. When that project is marked complete and rooms are back in order (the basement for the first time in years) I will sing and be glad and rejoice. I WILL!!!

Next random fact: We still haven't made a plan for our family Christmas get together. :-( We usually have everyone here for a nice dinner, but I've been really busy, not realizing how close we've come to the holidays, until this now. And then I come to find out that Terry was kind of hoping for one of the other family members to volunteer to host this year, but none of us have talked about it. No Thanksgiving together. No Christmas together? Doesn't seem right at all. I try not to let it get me down, but it does because I can't imagine that plans haven't already been made (without us). And now its so late that it feels really awkward to attempt a gathering at this point. Where is my courage? I need to have courage and make some phone calls. I just need to know.

Bah Humbug. I just ruined my happy thoughts from the weekend.

It's an Adjustment... But Mostly the Same.

Life continues to happen. It was a rough couple of weeks back on the home-front since our NYC trip. Nothing new. Just teenage nonsense, in which I probably already mentioned. I've also picked up some more work--the paying kind. Some has come from my husband's work arena i.e. house cleaning and making a professional photo book... (I think we will call it Hampton Homes: The One Percent) hahaha... and some other work has come from my dear friend, Lil. Her work is office stuff. Lil said that I could officially count each client as a new job!!! So, in that case, altogether I've taken on eight new jobs in the last 2 weeks, to add to the three jobs I already have. And that number could increase as the weeks progress. The hours probably won't increase but, I've actually added about 30 work hours to my week. Not bad. Some of that is temporary and/or sporadic, but some of it will be continuous. Its all good.

My kids wonder why I'm so confused at the end of the day about little things here and there. They just have no idea. I wonder sometimes if they need to be slapped.

Luke got a job! Glory. He only went one day without working, between his old job and new one. YAY. He is now in the electrician field.

In case you missed it along the way (all you, my faithful followers) I'm no longer on the PTO board, which is good!!! I have mixed feelings about the PTO and the school, etc. I miss the being at the school everyday and being so closely involved, but I don't want to go back to that. I'm getting the impression that there are those at the school who really miss me too. That's always nice. The interesting thing about all of this is, the sermon at church on Sunday (I Cor 9) touched on the idea that, as Paul did, I have the right to use my gifts to make money and it can also be my choice to forego those rights and offer my gifts without charge. That's what I have done for so many years of my life. But if that season of foregoing those rights has come to an end, its also fine to charge for my service. I can decide what and when I want to volunteer. I am also free to choose when I need to work for an income. I know this in my mind, but when a person has volunteered their gifts for so long, its hard to make the shift. So, this shift for me is good. I feel like I am in a decent place with a fairly level perspective.

I baked for the PTO bake sale this weekend. It was definitely a sacrificial offering. I stood in the freezing cold on Saturday with my cronies for about 3.5 hours. The cupcakes [shown above] were interesting, but not a big seller. LOL. Melanie said they were good. We made about $350, so it was all worth it.

The fall youth retreat is coming up this weekend. Yes, I am participating. I'm rather excited. Last year was really fun. I'll be helping out with the worship time, so I have a lot of work to do. Its another area of service in which I feel to "forego my rights".

On another note, I was hired by one of the local middle schools to be the vocal director for the upcoming musical. They will be performing Grease. Since, I was just in that show last year, it should be fairly familiar. I'm excited to be working in this context. YAY. Oh, and we can add those hours to my list starting at the end of November--ten more hours per week. O-KAY! 

I still take pictures from time to time. Today was the Halloween parade for the elementary school. They were cute.

That's all. I never did dress up in my biker outfit! Dang.