The Ever-Changing Stages of Life

HIGH SCHOOL
I was 16 years old when I turned my life completely over to Christ. It was a radical transformation, not because I was an atheist or grew up in some abusive home or on the streets, but because I was a lukewarm pseudo christian who was trying to ride the fence of two worlds for some time. And I found myself on the wrong side of the fence a lot more than the right side. I loved to party with friends but then come across like the good girl with parents and adults. But the day came when I encountered the glory of God in a personally profound way, and basically threw myself at the feet of Jesus. I was smitten! He loved me!! I knew it right then and there, and it went beyond any kind of attention, admiration or affection I was looking for from those around me. He filled me up completely with His being and his presence. Love beyond reason! Forgiveness. Complete cleansing. Who can understand that but someone who has experienced the washing and infilling for themselves?

From that experience on, I became a follower of Jesus. I was full of passion and devotion. I was excited. I wanted to know Him more. I read my Bible everyday and was totally blown away by the things He was speaking right to the core of my soul. I journaled. I worshipped with music and song. I prayed all the time... which was more like an ongoing conversation with the Lord throughout the day. I talked about what was happening in my heart with those who would listen. I started a bible study at school. I wrote letters upon letters (because I had moved 2000 miles away from my closest friends) telling my old cronies the amazing changes that were taking place in my life. I was Radical! I've looked back at the things friends and teachers had written in my yearbooks from those two last years of high school, and apparently people were impacted by the things that God was doing in me. My joy and zest for life, my love and compassion for people, my fearless devotion to Jesus... people weren't offended, they were moved.

COLLEGE
I went to an awesome Christian University. Oral Roberts University. I LOVED IT!!! It was right where I needed to be and my faith continued to grow. I had soooo much fun at college and made amazing friends. I went on the mission field a few times and was changed dramatically by those experiences. I met the man who was to become my husband. That was a miraculously arranged marriage by the hand of God. Bringing a husband into my life, did in fact, bring a distraction into my life. My devotion was divided--not that it was wrong or that I should have remained single. God gave me the gift of an incredible husband, but there was definitely an adjustment for me and my time spent with the Lord. I can remember feeling the dilemma. I had sooo much love for my husband and sooo much love for Jesus, but the husband was a new thing for me and my attention was divided. Marriage was amazing!! It didn't take too long to work through the dilemma. God gave me Terry and I accepted. ;-)

PARENTHOOD--BABY STAGE
After a year of marriage, we were ready for babies. Our first born was well taken care of by everyone in the church and the youth in which we surrounded ourselves because of youth ministry. (Luke spit up on so many people!! haha). It was so much fun. Our second son came along and it was a little more challenging having two babies--a very strong-willed firstborn son and then a newborn. I began to feel the gaps in my time spent with the Lord. I was exhausted. I didn't have early morning devotions anymore, because I needed to sleep when I had a chance. I still had a lot of opportunities for ministry and bible study and worship, but it wasn't the same without my alone time, which was a big adjustment.

My third pregnancy came along and I felt as though my whole world was evolving into something I never expected. I was always a go-getter and a leader in my own right. I had a lot of passion and vision for God's kingdom. I was going to be a world changer for the Lord, but suddenly it all felt like a pipe dream. I was left at home with babies. I didn't have much time or energy for all these other things. My husband was moving more into full-time ministry and I was feeling resentful and resistant to the changes that were happening for my own life.

There was a specific moment I recall sitting on my deck, with a baby in my belly, watching the boys play, and resigning myself to whatever the Lord had for me, even though it was different than what I had thought. I had to let go of my own desires. I stopped resisting. And of course, I had three more babies (six total) and many many many more adjustments.

PARENTHOOD--TEEN STAGE
By the time the oldest ones were entering teenage hood, I no longer worried so much about how much time I was able to spend in quiet moments with the Lord. He loved me know matter what. I was still involved with worship in song and prayer and Bible reading. It was a natural outflow and I found outlets for ministry, but the time came when both Terry and I needed to take a sabbatical and remove our children from the "fishbowl" of the church, so to speak. Pastor's kids are expected to never make mistakes or get off track. There is a lot of judgment and we didn't want that for our kids or for us. It was a major change to step completely out of ministry after 15 years, but after a lot of very difficult situations personally and in the church, we were happy to take a break. And it's true, our kids began to sneak to the "other side of the fence" and get into teenage trouble. It was a very challenging time as parents, to say the least. The Lord got us through. Where would we even be without the Lord? The older kids grew out of their rebellious stage and onto adulthood.

PARENTHOOD--YOUNG ADULT STAGE
Now that we are here, I've hit that crisis point. I now have to watch my young adult children making decisions for themselves. Some times its very exciting and brings joy to my heart. But not always. And when I don't like some of the decisions, I tend to blame myself. Age-old-personal-shame-self-talk. I even had a post last week that showed how I was the one to blame because I haven't been as passionate about my love for Jesus in front of them. I could even say I have fallen out of love with Him for a season. But I am renewing my devotion. I'm rekindling my efforts of pursuit, and asking Him to rekindle the fire and passion in me. It's so easy to fall into complacency and so difficult to return to the disciplines. Anything can happen.

TRANSITIONS
I've always hated the adjustment times in life. TRANSITION! I know all about transition. That is a word you don't forget when you've had six babies and four of them being home births. In preparing for home births its only to your benefit to know everything you can about the stages of labor and what to expect. Transition is always the hardest and most confusing, panicky part. At least it was for me. It was the stage that became the most intense, and after all the work and pain I'd endured up to that point, I would think it would never ever end... and yet, transition was the shortest part of labor that always brought me to the pushing part rather quickly and to the rewards, 1) labor being finally over and 2) a baby being placed in my arms. (IN THAT ORDER--HAHAHA)

I may have transitioned into a new stage of life this past week. I don't know what to call it yet, but it'll be something to talk about in the future.

HAVING BABIES AT HOME

Most of you know that Terry and I have six kids. Did you know that my four girls were all born at home? Homebirth rocks!!! My first great homebirth effort was with Nate--my second child--but for reasons I won't expound upon we ended up in the hospital for the final push. So that made Anika--my next birthing "opportunity"--the first REAL homebirth.

I actually flew down to North Carolina where my parents were living and my midwife was practicing. I was to deliver the baby in my parents' home. The timing was impeccable (thanks be to God). I flew down 3 days before my due date, saw the midwife 2 days before, hung out the next day waiting for "something" to happen, preliminary labor began the next morning, asked the midwife if it would be ok to climb a mountain to get that labor really kicked in (seriously), climbed Chimney Rock while in labor, came home and gave birth to the 7lb beauty within the hour, and ended the evening with a nice dinner with family, midwife and friends. Boarded a plane 2 1/2 days later with Anika in my arms rather than in my tummy and slept in my own bed that night.

OH WAIT... I forgot to mention that the midwife and her assistant (Jamie, who was my dear friend and roommate at college) didn't make the delivery in time! The mountain climb kind of sped things up a bit. hahah My mom, husband and sister took care of business. It's the inexpensive way to do things. LOL!