It's Just How I'm Wired

I know that people use that phrase as a "cop out" for their stupid behavior because they'd rather not better themselves but make excuses about being a poorly behaved human being. That isn't how or why I'm using the phrase. I do (almost) always want to better myself. I truly want to be a decent, kind, caring, godly person. There is a constant desire to repair my mistakes or at least find the root of a problem that causes me to fall and ask God to help me change. I know where my help comes from.

Let me say that this has been a weird and challenging stage in my life. I'm in a transition state--I'm between things which bring a lot of angst and joy and anxiety and excitement--so my focus on the spiritual things hasn't been completely fervent. But that's life. For me personally, things are always moving and shaking, which causes a lot of ideas and emotions to swing back and forth in the journey. I've learned to just keep walking through the stormy times and it will right itself. The path will be made clear once again. I just have to keep myself from giving up and laying down in a mud puddle of misery or frustration.

Many events over the past several daze were stressing me out, not necessarily bad stress, just stress. But now that they have happened it feels good to have them out of the way.  Here are a photos from a few of the events.

BANQUET

Liz went to her boyfriend's senior banquet. We parents who were taking lots of pics all piled into the RV with them to drop them off at their destination (which was clever and hilarious and inexpensive). I enjoyed being a part of that and taking over 600 pictures--have mercy!

The parents--taking a cheesy prom pic. Sohailah stepped in for Terry who was unable to come along.

Here they are... The DREAM TEAM!! Too much fun.

GRADUATION

My FIFTH child of six graduated from high school. She was definitely the happiest graduate on stage and so excited to be done with the high school life.

This was her celebratory chicken dance to get her diploma. haha Love this girl.

We all made it to the graduation (including one set of grandparents and my college roommate). Not only is that a feat in itself with a family of 8 but the fact that graduation happens at the end of June when the Hamptons come alive, means its difficult for them to get a weekend day off from work. So cheers to everyone for making it out to celebrate with our Lizzy and Michael.

My boyz! Birthdays are big this year.  Terry just received his AARP card in the mail--50!!! and Luke should see a reduction in is car insurance rates starting today--25!!!! Woohoo discounts all around. Happy birthday!!

Our Michael also graduated and was the second happiest on stage immediately after Liz. haha. Michael lives with us as part of our family. We love him dearly.

His other family loves him dearly, too. We are all so proud of our graduates.

It was bedlam after the ceremony, trying to get all the pictures I wanted, but as usual, we were the last to leave the school grounds.

Next up, party at the Hochstedler's, only a few daze away. I have to keep taking deep breaths and not letting myself feel panicked about it. Really?! Who cares if things aren't perfect--its a freakin pool party that's going to have great food and good times together!!! The work overwhelms me a bit and we've been so busy all spring that its been difficult to have any time to get our back yard looking decent. I'm not even aiming for perfect... just decent.

PARTING THOUGHTS 
...on another note, cuz its still bothering me

I do my best to give people the benefit of the doubt, hoping to receive the same in turn.  I teach my kids to try to do this also, but share with them that there may come a time in life when its wise to avoid pa person who is not safe to have in your life. I aim to be a safe person for other people to have in their life, but that can't always be the case, so c'est ce que c'est. There are seasons. When I need a break from a person (which doesn't happen often), I don't expect anyone else to jump on my bandwagon. I think that is just dumb. Its been the struggle for a few of my 6 kids who have all gone to this teeny tiny K-12 public school in Bridgehampton, but boy isn't that the worst part about high school drama? The person who feels they need to get everyone to jump on with their offense, so that the one person really feels punished. Talk about bullying. I'm not a fan.

My 4 older kids who have gone on into their adult lives encourage the younger two that college life and beyond is sooooo much better. And it really is. However, truth be told, that nonsense can still happen anywhere at any time. Adults can purposely or inadvertently ostracize a youth, a friend or co-worker, etc. I'm not even above it, regardless of how much I hate the scenario. Its something to watch for in myself for sure. Maybe we all should watch for it. This has come at me from so many directions lately but I think I just need better sleep.

THE END

Epilogue: Here's my bestie, Sohailah, roomie from college daze. I was so happy to have her around this whole past week. She knows me and gets it when I'm stressed. And sees when I'm pained about something and is a genuine support to me. I appreciate her immensely.

#KarenTheQueenof2K16

#karenthequeenof2k16

That hashtag is a title the East Hampton high school cast gave me this year.  LOL! It was my first time with them music directing for their production. No wonder I love them all dearly. I'm pretty sure they love me too. HAHA.  I have thoroughly enjoyed working with them and now that the back-to-back productions at EHHS have come to an end, I'm blocking out that dreaded feeling where the blackhole sucks me into the abyss.

OK. That is overly dramatic. And, anyway I get to have a few of my top notch favorites for another week, over at the Bridgehampton School, as they are performing along with another cast in our BHS production of Little Shop of Horror's. Opens this weekend.  (Eeeeek)

I've been super busy with my late-in-life youngish career as a music director. I seem to bounce from production to production these daze. I love it. I'm also exhausted, but that's a price I'm willing to pay.  Surely, the open door has been given to me now, after raising a gazillion kids, to help me cross into this new phase of life where my kids are growing up into adulthood. My oldest is turning TWENTY FIVE in June!!! WHAT???!!!! I cherish these high school kids in my heart. However, my time is not only spent with high school student, but middle school, as well as adults. This coming year I have an opportunity to work with 4th graders on a show. I haven't yet accepted that offer as I write, and I wonder if that will not be quite as fun... I've worked with the younger age groups in week-long camps. I think that's more exhausting that what I'm doing now.

Every cast is different from the next. Every ending of a show has a different impact on me. Most times, I am halfway (or further) into the next show as one finishes up, so its a bit of a relief to be done with one to free up more time for the next. But as I sit here pondering about last year, when I juggled three shows which were all very dear to my heart, it was tough to come to the end of the 3rd one and have nothing to fill my schedule but catch-up work. Who wants to clean a house after coming to the end of a long run of shows. Uhh...  NO THANK YOU!!!

You wanna know the hardest part for me? Its becoming friends and forming bonds with the cast and the directors and then having our forced meeting times end suddenly! All at once, the friends I've been spending 4-5 days a week for 2 months straight, have returned to their "normal" lives and the adjustment is tough. Or maybe just weird. (or sometimes the end of a torturous experience). Sure, we  may try to reconnect. We may attempt to meet up for a get-together after a month, but it doesn't usually work out, or its not the same combination of people.  We move on--and learn to live with the fact that the only time we may see each other again is at some other show where mutual friends  performing.

I will miss this gang of kiddos and especially the 20+ graduating seniors!!!

And so,...

My loyal, royal subjects of EHHS, I bid thee farewell! Meet me on the other side. Don't throw away your shot! History has its eyes on you. Its quiet uptown.

Your Obedient Servant,

K (dot) Hoch

Crazy Daze Approaching

This girl is graduating Valedictorian! Graduation is not until June 29th. The day going to take forever to get here. Jennah has already taken all her AP exams of which comprised the majority of her classes this year. The concerts are done, and there's very little reason left to go to school. To watch movies all day. AGH. Except for gym. You can't miss gym class or you'll fail. Can you imagine?

So there are upcoming luncheons for Valedictorian and also for scholarship awards. There is a senior cruise coming up to the Bahamas. The Teeny Awards is also coming. Jennah was nominated for best actress in a musical. Also, the Snoopy cast was nominated for outstanding ensemble. So that's exciting. We have a graduation party to plan. Two birthdays coming up, a trip to Alaska, two summer weddings and one in the fall, a send off 1500 miles away for this girls first year in college.

This next girl doesn't know how she's going to survive the remaining two years of her high school career without her sister. Lizzy's going to find herself maturing quite a bit this coming year. So will Caleigh, I'm sure.

She's been an expert learning driver. She claims its from all the practice she got driving the DeGroot's golf cart for the last several years. She may be right. That still doesn't make me feel totally carefree about driving in the Hamptons as our big summer season approaches.  

From Memorial Day to Labor Day it becomes CRAY CRAY around here. We have NYC drivers flooding out to their vacation homes, making all kinds of demands on the locals who work for them on their estates. It has to be PERFECT!!! And the driving becomes mad! Its as if these summer folks are still on the city streets. Or maybe its more about them finally getting a chance to drive their fancy cars and zoom around on these small backroads. "Oh! Is that a 4-way stop? I will just go ahead with this car in front of me to save some time, rather than make another complete stop." And the locals go a bit bazurk because of the complete idiot driving that takes place... which in turn makes a lot of the locals the idiots as well.

And then we have the gazillion workers who are undocumented and non-licensed, who are driving around, not necessarily cognizant of the rules of the road...

Well, things like this happen!

Nate is bummed about his new car!! One of those kind of workers I talked about, blew the stop sign and took a left turn into traffic coming from both directions. Nate tried to stop and veer to the right but the other truck couldn't avoid hitting the idiot driver right and pushed it right into Nate's car. Thankfully he is ok. The car is a goner.

So, prayers are needed for the two girls with their learner's permits in this kind of traffic chaos... and prayers for my new Cady, too. LOL.

Anika's on her drive home from FL. The house will be full again by Saturday. There is some shifting around in our house that needs to take place in order to make room. Its a treat to have my kids still all so close to home for the summer. The house is a wreck and needs a super cleaning. (Whatever). They are all working which makes it tough to get them to remember to pick up their own belongings from the common spaces. But I'll take that annoyance, if it means getting to have this valuable time with them. I hope during this season in their impressionable adult lives that Terry and I can continue to impress God's love on them and His ways. The strong worldly current of our society has a strong pull. We are counting on the kids' roots to have grown deep.

Besides that...

The Spring Concert was fabulous. The music program and drama program in Bridgehampton are really beginning to take off. Its been very satisfying to be a part of it and to see my children lead the way in part, with their love for the arts and amazing talents. May it continue for many years. The school's music program is going to miss the six graduating seniors.

P.S. Yes, there are only SIX seniors in Jennah's class!

Drama! Drama! Drama!

Here's the cast singing their final song of the show "If Just One Person Believes in You"

Opening song "The World According to Snoopy" with Jennah playing Snoopy

That's me (Schroeder), playing the Overture

Here they are singing one of my favorites "Edgar Allen Poe." Lizzy is in the middle playing Charlie Brown.

"The Vigil" being sung by Linus with Snoopy and Woodstock staying with him in the patch until the Great Pumpkin arrives.

The peanuts gang see all kinds of shapes in the clouds for the song "Clouds" and poor Chuck gets sung over every time he tries to say what he sees. Cute number.

What a fabulous time we had preparing for the show and performing it.  Its become super clear to me that kids have (we all have) plenty of drama in our lives, but it makes such a difference to have the opportunity to express it on stage. Its a lot more positive to be dramatic and express emotions and thoughts in a show, than to create ridiculous drama in real life with senseless scenarios, potentially bringing others down for no good reason. There are lots of people who absolutely NEED drama in their lives. They are addicted to it even. Its dysfunction at its finest. I say, "Do yourself a favor and get involved with theater!!" It takes a lot more commitment and character to apply yourself in theater, than to stir up trouble among your community. However, self created drama is easier and more natural. It doesn't require character development, so the people who truly need to find a better outlet for their drama, usually won't find the theater. Its sad but true. Sometimes, some of the most emotional and dramatic kids really only need an outlet to perform, where they can receive attention in a positive way. Other kids won't take that step, and they will ultimately grow up demonstrating dysfunction in all of their relationships. They will teach it to their children as well.

Don't get me wrong, there is a ton of dysfunction among performers as well, but just think of what those crazy theater people would be like if they didn't even have the stage as an outlet. HOLY COW THAT WOULD BE BAD!!! hahaha All I'm saying is that there are a lot of kids who need the opportunity to perform in the dramatic arts. And its wonderful that the Bridgehampton School is providing that opportunity for its students now. Hooray!

Anyway, "coming down" from this show is going to be tough, even personally for me. I've spent countless hours working on the music and a bunch of other aspects for this program. Its been a great time for me!!! Its what I enjoy doing. Terry asked me what the next big thing was that we should be getting ready for. All I could come up with was Jennah's graduation, which isn't until the end of June. There must be something ELSE happening in between!!!  Not just the mundane regular stuff... (Oh wait. I just thought of something).

Not the Most Ideal Morning

We have a large, loud fan in the bedroom to cover up snoring and other noises from the kitchen, etc. Its used all winter long. I have slept a lot better with it for some time. But after a while it no longer helped me stay asleep. Now, in addition to the fan, I wear ear plugs as a sleep aid. I think I started wearing them sometime in the winter. Maybe it started even before that. Maybe its been a year already. Probably.... They work fairly well to cover the snoring produced by my favorite person and the love of my life. I don't love the snoring! But the earplugs may have helped to save a marriage (haha).

This morning... well, every morning, one of the girls will come in around 7:30 to tap me awake because they didn't catch the bus and need a ride to school. This morning there were two girls tapping me. Weird. Wait a second. Why is it already 7:55? (School starts at 7:50). They are late before they've even come in to wake me up. Lizzy's ready. I'm told Jennah doesn't feel well and wants to go to school late (which means later than the "late" they are) and Caleigh is sitting at the kitchen counter still doing the homework she failed to finish last night.

AGHHH THIS HOMEWORK IS KILLING ME!!!! Yes ME! Somehow, my 5th grader just cannot do her homework on her own and she's very slow about getting it completed and she needs help on every freaking question and she needs someone by her side keeping her focused. It becomes a mama-yelling scenario almost every other night, but that doesn't seem to help anything change. I have reached the limit. She has reached the limit. She's burnt out on school. WHY ISN'T IT SUMMER YET????

I digress.

So, Lizzy goes to the car, but I can't find one of my flip flops. PEPPERMINT!!! She likes to take shoes outside. She's been fairly good about only carrying them and not chewing on them (um... unless they have heels). But I still cannot find my other flip flop. Grrrrrrr So Lizzy is waiting in the car and meanwhile, Caleigh is still sitting at the counter trying to finish her last 3 pages of reading. "Get in the car and read in there," I say in my scolding tone. "But I feel sick when I read in the car," she claims. "Too bad!" is my unsympathetic retort. When we get to school, a mere 4 minutes away, she doesn't get out but keeps reading. So I kick her out and tell her that from now until the end of school, no TV or breaks just to veg out until homework is complete.

Honestly though, I struggle with concept of young kids being in school all day long and coming home with homework which takes them all night to complete. Where is the imagination in that? Caleigh thrives in the creative things like art (which she doesn't have this year) and music and dance. She needs time also to practice and go to lessons. And then there's still homework. With all the ridiculous about of state testing and the pressure that comes with it, she thinks that she's not good at math. She thinks she's not good at science.  And she thinks she's not good at social studies. Her grades are decent. So why are there meltdowns before every single test?? This bring me distress. I'm reevaluating (again) the education she is getting and the patterns she has been developing--the distaste towards learning new things. To me it seems like it crushes her spirit and because of the whining she gives me, I'm probably adding to it. So yeah. This is what I come home feeling like, after dropping them off.

Ten minutes later, Jennah is dressed and ready. "Mom, can you take me to school.?" OH COME ON!!! 

After dropping her off, I get home and procrastinate for another hour. As I was cleaning up the dishes from last night AFTER THE KITCHEN WAS CLEANED UP, I inadvertently poured some frying oil down the kitchen sink, thinking it was water. AGH! Annoyed, I grab a cup of coffee and check FB for a while, trying to snap out of my bad attitude from the morning so far.  I finally decide that I must make my way over to the Episcopal Church where I will be playing the organ this coming Sunday. I've not yet played at this church so I'm a little nervous about it. I'm sure it will be fine, but I've yet to play the organ. That's why I planned to head over there, to practice. I was warned however that I should come early so that I didn't interfere with any meetings. Well, apparently I missed the window. I can't practice then. Meanwhile, the week is zooming by and I still haven't touched the organ yet. To be fair, the organist led me through the entire service and all the ins and outs of the organ. At least I have that to go on. One time I played for a Methodist service cold turkey having never played on that organ before. That was a bit of a scramble. Actually, I've had several occasions of cold turkey organ playing. I'm not even an organist!!! And the Catholic Mass gave me great anxiety. Why do I get so distraught about these things?!

I guess Caleigh gets her propensity for meltdowns from her mama.

I'm noticing a lot more gray in my hair. Summer can't come quick enough. I need the sun to add some natural highlights to cover.

Ahhh Theatre! AGHHHH!

Why do I love it?

Why do I hate it?

Am I going through the post-show blues? I wasn't even the one on stage this time. What is wrong with me?

So this past Thursday and Friday my girls, Jennah and Lizzy, were in a show with two other girls, India and Jennah. The entire cast was made up of just the four of them. It was called A Night on Broadway: a musical review (which I know should be "REVUE" but the director made the posters and the program, etc. so I went with her spelling). It was our high school's first musical production, at least as far back as we know of. The school is 100 years old, so it could have had a musical production at some point along the way--dear God, I hope so. But anyway, my girls were a part of the ground breaking event which brought a musical production to the stage (which in fact, doubles as a work-out space) in this present decade. Even Caleigh was a vital part of the show. She was the lighting tech. Yup! As a fifth grader, she ran the light board for all three performances, And I was a big part of it as well as the accompanist for rehearsals and for the show.

Paula and I had been planning to get something kicked off at Bridgehampton for the last couple of years. She had been trying for even longer. We had talked about it many times. Paula is the one who directs the middle and high school shows for the school in the next town over. She is the pushy one. ;-) I didn't feel completely sure about how much energy I could exert for the project, but I was willing to follow her lead. The chorus teacher was especially key in having everything go forward.  We all did our part to make it happen. And guess what! The production got off the ground, and it actually happened. It REALLY happened!! YAAAAAY! A dream come true. And IT WAS VERY GOOD!!!

OK. Let me give you the run down of what they sang:

Untitled Opening Number... [Title of Show] -- Company
There's No Business Like Show Business... Annie Get Your Gun -- India Hemby
Sing!... A Chorus Line -- Laura Uribe and Lizzy Hochstedler
At the Ballet... A Chorus Line -- Company
Popular... Wicked -- Jennah Hochstedler
What is this Feeling... Wicked--Jennah Hochstedler and India Hemby
Anything You Can Do... Annie Get Your Gun -- Lizzy and Jennah Hochstedler
Memory... Cats -- India Hemby
Till There Was You... The Music Man -- Lizzy Hochstedler
Matchmaker... Fiddler on the Roof -- India, Jennah and Lizzy
Seasons of Love... Rent -- Company
Finale... [Title of Show] -- Company 

There was singing and also dancing. Lovely dancing. Ballet dancing, even. And great acting. The script was original, written by Paula, which connected the songs in a cohesive story line, about the 4 girls trying to put on a show for the first time at their school. Clever right?!

Anyway, it went very well. It was really really good and I'm not just saying that. I'm actually a rather critical judge of performances, especially my own. But this was one to make me proud. And everyone who saw it LOVED IT! Such rave responses.

So. what's the matter with me? Well, I'll tell you. I was the one who went to town promoting the show, trying to get people to come out, before I really knew if it would be good or not. (That's showbiz). And  it was a decent turn out for sure--for Bridgehampton. And it only cost $5, so anyone could come. Even those who didn't have money, because they weren't turned away at the door. But there were several people who just didn't make the effort to come. The ones who could have, but they just didn't. I had quite a few come up to me today at church and apologize that they didn't make it, but they just didn't...  come. One actually said that she didn't have any money, along with several more excuses that made it all seem a bit like excuses. These were people who said they were going to "try" to come. I had another dear friend tell me she didn't come because the event on facebook I had posted said that the beginning time was 7 and end time was 10. She thought it was going to be 3 hours long and she wasn't about to sit through three hours. AGH! I asked why she didn't call me to find out if that was a mistake, because 3 hours would not have been reasonable. (It was ONE HOUR LONG--only one). None of the extended family bothered to come. Several of the friends from other schools said they were coming and didn't. Many of the Bridgehampton teachers, which I would have expected to make a special effort, didn't. And only one of the youth group kids came. I mean... come on!!!! These are your good friends, your favorite and top students, your family. What the heck?

I have been trying and trying not to let it bother me. But I am bothered. Mostly, because those who didn't come, really really missed it. This one was one to be seen, and they missed it, and they won't get another chance to see it. And these girls are young and they were AWESOME. And now those individuals won't get the chance to show their support, because it just wasn't important enough to them.

Now I've said it. Now its done. And now (hopefully) I can move on. I will try to always be mindful to be that supportive person--to my family and friends as much as I can, because I know how meaningful it is. And I hate when I just don't follow through with my good intentions, based on being unmotivated at the moment. Today, I followed through and saw my friends in their performance of Peter Pan. And I was glad I did. I didn't feel like going on a Sunday afternoon. But I just got out the door and made the effort anyway.  I spent the $25. And they were great.

Enough said. Enough said. I'll try to be forgiving and full of grace and not be annoyed about the particular people who I thought should have wanted to be there, but decided it wasn't important enough to support the girls in their big debut. (I'm not talking about those who COULDN'T be there in case you are reading this). I'm trying not to be judgmental. Its none of my business what other people have to do and not do.

Yes. I must let it go.

I can't wait to get the DVD next week. I didn't get to ever really watch them perform their songs, because I was playing the piano.

The Ever-Changing Stages of Life

HIGH SCHOOL
I was 16 years old when I turned my life completely over to Christ. It was a radical transformation, not because I was an atheist or grew up in some abusive home or on the streets, but because I was a lukewarm pseudo christian who was trying to ride the fence of two worlds for some time. And I found myself on the wrong side of the fence a lot more than the right side. I loved to party with friends but then come across like the good girl with parents and adults. But the day came when I encountered the glory of God in a personally profound way, and basically threw myself at the feet of Jesus. I was smitten! He loved me!! I knew it right then and there, and it went beyond any kind of attention, admiration or affection I was looking for from those around me. He filled me up completely with His being and his presence. Love beyond reason! Forgiveness. Complete cleansing. Who can understand that but someone who has experienced the washing and infilling for themselves?

From that experience on, I became a follower of Jesus. I was full of passion and devotion. I was excited. I wanted to know Him more. I read my Bible everyday and was totally blown away by the things He was speaking right to the core of my soul. I journaled. I worshipped with music and song. I prayed all the time... which was more like an ongoing conversation with the Lord throughout the day. I talked about what was happening in my heart with those who would listen. I started a bible study at school. I wrote letters upon letters (because I had moved 2000 miles away from my closest friends) telling my old cronies the amazing changes that were taking place in my life. I was Radical! I've looked back at the things friends and teachers had written in my yearbooks from those two last years of high school, and apparently people were impacted by the things that God was doing in me. My joy and zest for life, my love and compassion for people, my fearless devotion to Jesus... people weren't offended, they were moved.

COLLEGE
I went to an awesome Christian University. Oral Roberts University. I LOVED IT!!! It was right where I needed to be and my faith continued to grow. I had soooo much fun at college and made amazing friends. I went on the mission field a few times and was changed dramatically by those experiences. I met the man who was to become my husband. That was a miraculously arranged marriage by the hand of God. Bringing a husband into my life, did in fact, bring a distraction into my life. My devotion was divided--not that it was wrong or that I should have remained single. God gave me the gift of an incredible husband, but there was definitely an adjustment for me and my time spent with the Lord. I can remember feeling the dilemma. I had sooo much love for my husband and sooo much love for Jesus, but the husband was a new thing for me and my attention was divided. Marriage was amazing!! It didn't take too long to work through the dilemma. God gave me Terry and I accepted. ;-)

PARENTHOOD--BABY STAGE
After a year of marriage, we were ready for babies. Our first born was well taken care of by everyone in the church and the youth in which we surrounded ourselves because of youth ministry. (Luke spit up on so many people!! haha). It was so much fun. Our second son came along and it was a little more challenging having two babies--a very strong-willed firstborn son and then a newborn. I began to feel the gaps in my time spent with the Lord. I was exhausted. I didn't have early morning devotions anymore, because I needed to sleep when I had a chance. I still had a lot of opportunities for ministry and bible study and worship, but it wasn't the same without my alone time, which was a big adjustment.

My third pregnancy came along and I felt as though my whole world was evolving into something I never expected. I was always a go-getter and a leader in my own right. I had a lot of passion and vision for God's kingdom. I was going to be a world changer for the Lord, but suddenly it all felt like a pipe dream. I was left at home with babies. I didn't have much time or energy for all these other things. My husband was moving more into full-time ministry and I was feeling resentful and resistant to the changes that were happening for my own life.

There was a specific moment I recall sitting on my deck, with a baby in my belly, watching the boys play, and resigning myself to whatever the Lord had for me, even though it was different than what I had thought. I had to let go of my own desires. I stopped resisting. And of course, I had three more babies (six total) and many many many more adjustments.

PARENTHOOD--TEEN STAGE
By the time the oldest ones were entering teenage hood, I no longer worried so much about how much time I was able to spend in quiet moments with the Lord. He loved me know matter what. I was still involved with worship in song and prayer and Bible reading. It was a natural outflow and I found outlets for ministry, but the time came when both Terry and I needed to take a sabbatical and remove our children from the "fishbowl" of the church, so to speak. Pastor's kids are expected to never make mistakes or get off track. There is a lot of judgment and we didn't want that for our kids or for us. It was a major change to step completely out of ministry after 15 years, but after a lot of very difficult situations personally and in the church, we were happy to take a break. And it's true, our kids began to sneak to the "other side of the fence" and get into teenage trouble. It was a very challenging time as parents, to say the least. The Lord got us through. Where would we even be without the Lord? The older kids grew out of their rebellious stage and onto adulthood.

PARENTHOOD--YOUNG ADULT STAGE
Now that we are here, I've hit that crisis point. I now have to watch my young adult children making decisions for themselves. Some times its very exciting and brings joy to my heart. But not always. And when I don't like some of the decisions, I tend to blame myself. Age-old-personal-shame-self-talk. I even had a post last week that showed how I was the one to blame because I haven't been as passionate about my love for Jesus in front of them. I could even say I have fallen out of love with Him for a season. But I am renewing my devotion. I'm rekindling my efforts of pursuit, and asking Him to rekindle the fire and passion in me. It's so easy to fall into complacency and so difficult to return to the disciplines. Anything can happen.

TRANSITIONS
I've always hated the adjustment times in life. TRANSITION! I know all about transition. That is a word you don't forget when you've had six babies and four of them being home births. In preparing for home births its only to your benefit to know everything you can about the stages of labor and what to expect. Transition is always the hardest and most confusing, panicky part. At least it was for me. It was the stage that became the most intense, and after all the work and pain I'd endured up to that point, I would think it would never ever end... and yet, transition was the shortest part of labor that always brought me to the pushing part rather quickly and to the rewards, 1) labor being finally over and 2) a baby being placed in my arms. (IN THAT ORDER--HAHAHA)

I may have transitioned into a new stage of life this past week. I don't know what to call it yet, but it'll be something to talk about in the future.

The Kid's Advocate

I try to let my kids work out their own struggles with their friends or with a teacher or coach. But when something is really bothering them, I'll usually do my best to get all the info I can out of them, help them sort through their perspective to see things in a reasonable way and then encourage them to do the right thing.

My hope, as the years go on, is that I will have successfully instilled in them the beauty and value of communication and conflict resolution, but also objectivity and understanding for others and for the way people tick. Everyone sees things from their own viewpoint and it can be a wonderful tool to be able to assess another's view and learn to communicate in a way that they can understand.

Sometimes, as I push my kids in a particular direction, hoping they will take my advice, I hold my breath practically all day, wondering if it was the right thing or not... wondering if they really "got it" and if they will handle their situation well. I hate this feeling and I have it today. I need to BREATHE!!!

I tried to help Caleigh with a situation she would be dealing with in the audience of THE PRINCIPAL!!! Ruh roh. (It's not a big deal, what happened, but even the smallest of problems at school are being made into ordeals these daze with the bullying and all). Anyway, its the second time I assisted her in writing a letter about a friendship dispute... or rather, about the boundaries she felt were reasonable to have for the friendship to work. My kids do not like when other kids try to manipulate them and try to control them. (Huh. I wonder how they got such strong feelings about THAT). Its amazing how there are kids who are so masterful at such a young age in manipulating those around them and it goes completely under the radar. I have an eagle eye for it after facing it in my adult years, so I try to help my kids see the signs and understand how to navigate through the difficult waters. But here I am feeling all wound up, wondering. She's probably worked it all out by now and on to regular school stuff. But its still early in the morning and I need to figure out what else I'm going to do today besides worry about all the things flying around in the atmosphere of my mind.

I don't think I'm going to help my kids anymore. HAHHAH. Its way too stressful.

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.        ~Philippians 4:4-7

Its Monday

How was your weekend?

I have trouble remembering things from day to day lately. Haha. Its just a constant juggle.

Lots of people ask how Lizzy is doing. She's great! She's back to playing tennis again this year which was where things all began with the pain in her back last year. Her only pain is in her lungs when she has to run. I think that's just being out of shape aerobically.

Because of a change in her insurance we won't be going to the city anymore for her follow-up visits. I can tell you that this piece of news does not disappoint me whatsoever!! She saw a new pediatrician on Friday. I made her ride the dinosaur while we were waiting.

                                        

The basement was cleaned out, thanks to my boyz. We filled a 10 yard dumpster twice. Still working on that. Bathroom renos are next (fingers crossed).

I went to a homecoming game at my old alma mater Saturday night. Terry didn't come with me. He was tired from all the work he did that day. He also mentioned that going there with me is like going to one of my old class reunions. Haha. Its true. I find it quite entertaining, but he doesn't. Anyway, East Hampton won their trophy back from the rival team, Southampton. Age old competition.

Sunday we took a ride in the Memorial Sloan-Kettering to see our Nicki. We brought her some entertainment. She was doing well, but there's still a ways to go. Praying for the infection to be overcome completely and quickly and for the rest of her post-surgery recovery to be a cake walk.

Raul was an extra careful and extra slow wheelchair driver. So we were trying to speed him up!! Nicki smiles for every picture no matter how she's feeling. Silly girl.

I had two other girls of mine go to two separate concerts over the weekend. Crazy.

Jennah's was Ed Sheeran. Great entertainer and musician. General admission is the crazy part. Aaaaagh!! I would have not liked that very well at all.

Anika went to a Dayglow concert. Thats the one that shoots the toxic glowing paint into the audience all night long while the DJs or musicians or whatever, do their thing. Yikes. This is college for ya.

So its Monday. Now what? I changed over my summer and winter clothes today. I had to reserve out some items for our trip to Florida in 2 1/2 weeks. I did some stuff for my regular job. Practice my lines for a 1850s wedding reenactment I'm doing this weekend for the Southampton Historical Society. Pulled out some meat from the freezer for dinner. (I'm avoiding the cleaning thing...). Um... ok. That's about all the stalling I guess I can do. Guess I'll go vacuum.

Anika's Big Week!

Anika went to her boyfriend's prom. Its not the same school she attends, but she has become friends with all the Pierson kids, so she had a blast!! In fact, Beau told his mom when she asked if Anika had fun, that she probably had the most fun of anyone there. Very cute.

Don't ya just love her hair?

One of the parents hosted a pre prom picture party. If was a catered event at their gorgeous estate. There were easily 200 people there.

Beau's a funny guy.

I followed the two of them around like their own personal paparazzi.

I was only wearing a bathing suit and my fabulous coverup. TJ MAXX.

Anika found the perfect tie to match her dress.

Aren't they just darling?

These are a little out of order. First was the Senior Class Baccalaureate. It was very nice.

Here are the girls being goofy. No surprise there.

I left out Beau's graduation, but that was also part of the week's events.

This was Anika, just before her graduation. She had gotten her speech together just one day prior to the event. Of course she was only informed about being the class salutatorian a week before, so give the girl a little time to pull it together.

She's so beautiful. I'm sorry. I can't help it.

She had a full on smile for the entire ceremony.

Her graduating class was a total of 16 students.

I had a front row seat.

Here she is giving her lovely speech. She stole the idea of prompters from her brother's valedictorian speech in 2009. It definitely loosened up the audience.

She made two of her teachers cry.

Here is your speech if you haven't seen it yet.


Here is her proud papa.

BJs girlz!

Grandma and Pops with the graduate.

These two have a special relationship.

Here's the whole gang. (The sun was really bright so we are all squinting a bit).

Anika with her cuz, her uncle Jim and two brothers.

And the girlz again.

OK. We had her graduation party a few daze before graduation, so these are also out of sync.

 Here's Pop the grill master. He's so funny!!!

I sent Lizzy to take some pics around the yard before everyone arrived. There were major thunder storms only 30 minutes away and somehow they passed north of us. We had some drizzling but thank God for the drizzle because it was sooooooooooo HOT! Terry, my mom, my dad and I cooked and cooked and prepared and were sweltering all day. My mom and I were not feeling well at all. What a week to get sick. Agh. But we still enjoyed ourselves.

The froggy beach balls came from Oriental trading. Worth the purchase. I love them. I had about 75 beach balls in the pool. Now there are about 10 left thanks to Grace. She LOVES to grab those balls and pop them.

Here is my niece's daughter, Sienna and my brother John, with a friend, Mark in the back.

We love the DeGroots. They were taking a little time to relax on the far side of the pool.

Anika had a nice bunch of friends come out for her party and the actually stayed the entire time. It must have been a fun party because they usually make their showing and leave.

 Gotta love a good splash fight.

The younger kids had fun too.

So that's about it. It a surprise that I even took pictures during the party. I was exhausted. We are still eating mexican food five daze later. LOL. I'm glad the big events are done. They were great. Now we have Luke's birthday and BJs birthday. I think we will have to keep things low key. They always get gypped. HAHA