And the Mother of the Year Award

goes to... someone other than me!!! Yes, it's true. My style of parenting would horrify the masses. Well, no not really. Actually, those who have been around and seen how Terry and I operate, have an appreciation. But this is about Anika... and her injury on the slopes last Wendnesday.

We've watched her arm closely. We've checked with her about how much it hurts. We've watched the swelling subside and the bruising turn fancy colors. It's been kept in an ace bandage and a sling most of the time. But yesterday, six days into it, she said it was tingling down to her elbow. The swelling was still there in one spot, so this was making me feel concerned. (And tomorrow she would have basketball in gym class with NO DOCTORS NOTE for the excused absence--Nazi gym teacher--don't ask). What to do? What to do?

Quite honestly, I had a flash... I had a moment... an "injection" of sheer annoyance towards Terry. Why didn't he take her to the doctor last Friday when they returned home from the retreat??!? I was in NJ, so I couldn't take her. When I asked him to explain that to me, he said, "I was watching her arm closely, but she wasn't in much pain. She asked to go over to her friends house." This was all very true. Terry makes better decisions about these things anyway. (I was just annoyed about my impending schedule crunch)! I am convinced that this girl has received the same gene as my sister, Jane. They both have a very HIGH tolerance for pain. Maybe she should go into woman's heavy weight wrestling or something.

Anyway, Terry and I made the decision over dinner. It would be rock paper scissors to decide who got to take her to the emergency room for x-rays. I paused and then said, "How about this? How about YOU take her!!!" Terry didn't understand how I could just decide that (hee) so I reminded him that it is I who always gets to take them to their various appointments, including the dentist which has been the chore of a life time with six kids, who all seem to have cavities every visit, having to return a few more times to an office that happens to be an hour's drive away. So for that, he gets the emergency room duty.

Terry and Anika had a "delightful time" of waiting and waiting and waiting... an waiting. After four hours, Anika came home with a doctor's note for gym class!! Phew. Oh, and a cast. It was definitely broken! So much for a mother's intuition. *smirk* To give Terry and me a little credit, though, the bone doctor--who happened to be in the ER last night (hooray)--was also surprised that he could press up and down the arm and move the fingers and wrist without her being in much pain. See!! I'm not the worst mom after all. In her case, the cast is merely for protection of further injury anyway. No harm done, right?!

ATTENTION! ATTENTION!

And then there were two...

I decided to seperate the regular Tuesday12-step posts and place them on a new blog site called Living Free and Alive. From now on you can more easily access those posts by clicking on Karen's CoDA Helps from the sidebar. Or you can completely skip those posts, never to be bothered by them again. It's all as a service to you, my faithful readers. It's still under construction, but readable ;-) Hope your day is going swell!

Schedule Conflicts

I'd like to complete-ly scrap my schedule and and go back to square one, if you please!! I'm not overwelmed today... just annoyed. Maybe you remember my mentioning a workout class I started about a month or two ago. Well, I've only been able to attend 3 times. It just does NOT fit into my schedule--the schedule that revolves around everyone else!!!

Honestly, I don't care all that much, that I can't make it. It stresses me out more, trying to make it fit in between the taxi cabbing the kids to work and ballet and basketball games yada yada, then to simply leave that class out of my picture. But the teacher--who is also my friend--has a vested interest in arranging that class so that it will fit MY schedule (although, she has absolutely NO clue about my life and what having six kids amounts to in its reality). She really wants me to have an opportunity to get my blood pumping. Yea sure... of couse! I don't deny that to be true. She's a very caring person. But it's also a business move. She has to pay off the bank loan that helped fund the building of the studio in her basement. Basically, her all out efforts to find a way for that class to work for ME causes me to feel pressured to make it work her. Blahhh! (Blogging can be really dangerous for our friends and family can't it)?

So get this! On Sunday she came up to me to announce that the other ladies in the class could change the time to 3:30 if I were able to make it then. It sounded like a big deal that they could make this sacrifice, but they wanted me to be able to come. She was wondering if that would work. I searched the recesses of my mind to remember what Tuesdays are like for me... thinking... thinking... "Um... yea... I think... that works... Uh, yea!" says I, with a leary smile. "Are you sure? OH GREAT!This is great!" she exclaims. "I'll call the other ladies and let them know."

This morning I checked my schedule (which I do often) to see what this day would bring and BAM! It hits me. Caleigh has ballet at 4 PM. How in the world did I forget THAT? I'll tell you how. She's only had one class so far and then there was vacation. It's not locked in the brain yet. SO NOW WHAT??? I have to freaking cancel my excercise class AGAIN!?! Barbara's gonna flip a wig. She needs to give it up. I never asked her to change that class around. Maybe she's just codepedent and feels the need to "take care of me" even though I'm an adult and NOT ASKING!!! Barbara, if you're reading this... I'm only kidding! (well kind of).

So, I really feel like scaling it all down!!! Bare bones!!! No more teaching piano lessons! The kids can't take dance or tap or ice skating anymore!! The boys must quite their jobs (because it means driving them and picking them up). I'll quit PTO and Little League and youth group. Everything STOPS TODAY! And finally, Nate goes back to school. Is that ok with you guys? Great! Thanks.

Tales of the Slopes

I forgot to take pictures for the majority of the youth retreat. (Where is Mitch when you need him?) But I do have some pictures in my head that I'd love for you to see. Some of them are more like video clips. I'll start off with stories from:

THE TUBING HILL

Singing Hills (lovingly refered to by ZUBA as "A Retirement Village" LOL) has this huge hill with a bunch of large inner tubes available for snowtubing. The hill is kind of like someone's back yard with a very long and wickedly sloped incline. It's a bugger to climb, but quite a trip so sail down. Someone had already erected a nice jump before our group arrived. I watched several of our youngsters fly over the jump only to splatter themselves painfully below. I knew it wasn't something I was stupid enough to do at this season of my aging life. I finally have begun to grow wise. Thank God, I don't have to impress people anymore... well, only sometimes. But Beth Ann... poor Beth Ann--one of our fearless leaders--got duped big time! She wasn't paying close attention to all those who went before her. As soon as she made it up to the top of the hill and grabbed someone's tube, she turned and asked the kids which run she should take. They all said, "The jump!" and convinced her that laying on her stomach was the best! As she began her descent, she heard the comment "...just because its more fun!" Terry and I witnessed from below, this unidentified flying person who, after being launched off the jump, was completely obliterated, head-first into the snow. It was brutal!! I had to ask her the rest of the night if she remembered her name, or what day it was. Poor beth Ann.
(Sidenote: Nate lost his very expensive cell phone on the hill--no surprise there--and found it later. The battery was spotted in a completely different location from the rest of the phone. This was a serious hill. I think the phone is finally working again, but it prevented him from making any calls while grunting and panting in the bathroom stall). My next story is entitled:

THE SNOWBOARDING LESSON

Yes, that is a sling on Anika's arm. Our kids seem to have this curse. It strikes during that first-timer snowboarding lesson. It hasn't failed yet, that one of the first-timers breaks or at least severely bruises their arm during the first hour on the carpet (that's not even the bunny slope). Poor girl. She was so excited to get out there and snowboard with her big brothers. But instead, she found herself sitting in the food court with a bag of ice and a roughly made splint and sling for the entire day. She got to watch Caleigh learn to ski, which was more than I got to do. After missing so much precious ski time taking care of Anika, I had to race back out there to get a few good runs myself (aren't I the most compassionate, loving, unselfish mom you've ever imagined?).

Anika's arm is beginning to look better. Caleigh loved her accomplishments in Snow Stars School. She can do the "pizza slice" and turn right and left. She needs more practice with stopping. Oh, and she can buckle her boots as well as get them in and out of the skis. Next up is:

GABE, THE MYSTERY MAN

Gabe did pretty well in New Hampshire with the snowboarding. Mt Sunapee had a great set up for beginners. But once we got to Mt Creek in New Jersey, the conditions were not so kind. The snow was sheer ice for the first few runs of the day. This freaked beginner-Gabe out. After two runs, he sat in the food hall almost the rest of the day (which is quite an expense just to hang-out for the day)! We got him over to the bunny hill to practice some more, while we went off to the better runs. He became more confident and decided to hit a few blue runs on his own. I didn't see this happen, but he recounted to us that he took the worst crash in all of history. After doing about fifteen cartwheels he laid there as dead, for several minutes. Someone came to his rescue to see if he was ok. Of course, Gabe played it up by not answering. This freaked the person out. He told Gabe to stay right there. He was going to get help! As soon as the guy left, Gabe got up and sneaked down the rest of the run. He didn't really want to be carried off by snow patrol. In fact, he wouldn't have known my phone number, or Luke's number. Nate's phone wasn't working yet. And Gabe didn't even know his own mother's phone number. He actually doesn't know a single person's phone number. He's a mystery--that boy!
(Sidenote: this weekend he said that he wanted to give his life to God and start following Christ. I thought that was pretty darn cool! Maybe he knew he'd have a brush with death the next day and would need to have some sense of assurance about his afterlife--haha).

I have no story to tell about Nate, except that he lasted longer than the rest of us.

No stories about Luke either... not today. Maybe tomorrow. He does look like he's about to rob a gas station though!

My First Love

I started playing the piano when I was three years old. I think I can safely call it my first love... (although... I did suck my finger before then, hmmmm). Anyhoo--while preparing for this 3-day retreat, I had a brief thought to bring my notebook of song sheets along. Maybe it would come in handy. I wasn't asked to take part in the music end of things. All the planning was being taken care of by Terry and Doug. And I was able to simply attend and assist as needed once we got on the road. That's the only way I was willing to participate. (You may have already read about my stuggle with the whole ordeal).

Upon arrival at Singing Hills, I noticed the beautiful Kawaii piano in the chapel. I asked if we could use it and sure enough, the camp director said, "Please use it. It's a wonderful instrument and doesn't get enough use." He was right! That piano was sweet! I do love a beautiful piano. A group of the teens led the music for our first meeting, but then Terry asked me if I would be willing to play at the end of his talk. He wanted to have everyone break away and be alone with God for a few minutes. So, I played during those few minutes and the presence of God was thick. Tangible! Kids were crying and weeping and calling out to God in repentance... ok, ok, I'm only kidding. Really, though, it was just nice to be back in the saddle again. I feel like I'm coming from such a different place than ever before with my music.

I also had the opportunity to lead worship on the last day. Yup! I caved. Terry sheepishly asked me if I would take the last session--the one in which he and I would be telling our love story. He really suckered me right in, that guy! But I said I would. I actually enjoyed it. I'm finding that each time I willingly take another step, I'm reopening myself just a little bit more than the day before. After I went ahead and rode "that horse" again after these past couple years of taking a break, suddenly I found myself having some key conversations with Jeff and Doug, things that will more than likely result in my taking a week every once-in-a-while to lead worship at church. And I'm actually open to the idea. Something is shifting. We'll see. I'm sure I'll share more about it in the next few days and/or weeks.

I hardly took more than 25 pictures during the retreat... so, in my search for a picture of a piano I found a few interesting ones.


This one is an upright! I've never seen anything like it. Way cool!


But then there's this interesting piece of work! I wonder what it's price tag reads?

The Poopstars!

The youth group trip went really well. I had fun and have a lot to tell. Let me begin at the beginning...

There were five adults, each driving a vehicle filled with smelly teenagers; four mini-vans and one truck. I drove the truck, so I ended up with the smallest group--all girls. My team was made up of three teens, one 5 year old (that would be Caleigh), and me. Each vehicle made up a team for the entire retreat. The driver was the team captain, and each team would compete in contests and games through out the few days. At the and of the trip the team winning the most points would receive a free meal on the drive back home (oooohhhh Burger King)!

On the 6 hour drive to the beautiful Singing Hills retreat place in New Hampshire, each vehicle was instructed to make up a team name and a song/cheer/rap/skit of our choice. This presentation was to represent our team, and would be perfomed in its "originality" for the entire group after dinner. The best performances would win the most points. Our team decided on the name: POOPSTARS!!!

I'm not totally into bathroom humor, but I'm also not totally against it! hahaha. We had this whole skit that had is early origin dating back to my college daze together with Sohailah. (We were crazy B's). The "bathroom skit" has carried on through the years of time. It goes something like this: two people are sitting in bathroom stalls next to each other, having a normal conversation while grunting it out--panting pushing while chatting. It's gross, but funny. So, our team--The Poopstars--did this skit with some additional ideas. We had person #1 (we called Pepto) receive a phone call on her cell while being in the stall, and person #2 (called Senecot) was responding in a stifled and uncomfortable conversation to Pepto, not knowing she was actually on her cell. Then #3 (we called Speed Dumper) and #4 (called Skid Marks) had a speed dumping race, where the "grunting and panting conversation" took place. You should have heard the comments from the audience: "This is disgusting" and "Oh my!" and "I thought this was supposed to be a Christian retreat." <--that one just cracks me up.

After the brief skit portion of our performance, we all flushed out toilets together and kicked our stall doors open [pantomime, of course]. That's when the rap portion began. Here's the rap:

Poop de pop, poop-poop de pop
Poop de pop, tinkle tinkle tinkle tinkle
We are the Poopstars and we're here all day
Poop de pop, poop-poop de pop
We relieve ourselves and then flush it away
Poop de pop, poop-poop de pop
The words bowel movement, better known as BM
Poop de pop, poop-poop de pop
Food goes in one way and comes out the other end
Poop de pop, poop-poop de pop, I say
Poop de pop, poop-poop de pop, yeah
Poop de pop, poop-poop de pop
Tinkle, tinkle, tinkle, tinkle [pause]
(using sign language for pooping followed by sign for stars)
P O O P S T A R S

The crock of the whole thing is we didn't win! I think our performance came in forth place!!! Geez! Some people just can't allow themselves to be truly entertained. And it was meant to be helpful to this young bashful little guys. We wouldn't want them to be afraid to relieve themselves during the trip.

The Caption Game

While I'm away this week, I figured those of you who need the entertainment can give each other a good laugh. So, today I'll post a variety of goofball pictures, and you can offer captions for them. Have a great week! MWAH!

Caption Pic #8

Caption Pic #7

Caption Pic #6

Caption Pic #6

Caption Pic #5

Caption Pic #4

Caption Pic #3

Caption Pic #2

Tid Bits of Nothing

Ginger everso kindly offered to take care of my blog while I was away next week. (Thanks Ginger, my password is poopdeedoop--have fun).

This picture was Ginger's first choice! (Did you find that over on the Cardine's blog? Huh?! You're a sneaky one).

OK people... what should the caption be? And what do think the REAL story is behind that picture?

On another note... (Elizabeth's newest question regarding spiritual matters)... She leaned over to me at church, during one of the usher's prayers and quietly asked, "Mom, are we Jewish?"

About twenty minutes later, Caleigh cuddled up on my lap while leaning on Terry. She asked, "Mom, what would you do if I loved Daddy and didn't love you?"

If you have any witty come backs to either question, do tell! I'm kind of at a loss--lol!

Friendship Prayer

I was just browsing through my "fun stuff" folder and came across this lovely friendship prayer. It seemed inappropriate. ;-D And you know me... always concerned about my image!

Well... my emotional state is a little better. I did wake up very early this morning with a HUGE heachache, which doesn't want to go away. AghAGHGHGhaghghagh!! God, puh-leeeease!! Can't I catch a break??! Is it because you knew I was going to post that "friendship prayer" or something?

Anyway, I've been getting some ski stuff together for the youth group trip. Did I mention that we will be taking our 5 year old along? She CANNOT wait to ski. It'll be an interesting day. We're only hitting the slopes for one day in Vermont. The other two days, we will be staying on the retreat properties, doing other things like tubing and ice skating and sledding and campfire-ing. Good ole fashion youth retreat stuff. I wonder how that'll go over with my gangsta kids?

Once the retreat is over (on Thursday) the plan is to send the completely transformed group home with Terry and Doug, while I take my three oldest to Mountain Creek in NJ. We will need another couple of days to ski and snowboard.

Fair Warning: You won't hear from me during this next week from Tuesday to Sunday, so get ready to dig into the archives if you need your daily "Kool Daze" enrichment. I'll miss everyone--but the beauty of the outdoors will certainly do me some good.

No! I'm Not Ok!!!

...in case you were asking! Although, it has to be REALLY obvious that something is bothering me before anyone asks those precious words: Hey, are you ok, Karen? It takes an even greater miracle for someone to actually take the time to find out.

This post is sheer venting, so beware! And please don't give me any "solutions" to my complaints--at least not today! That would not be a SAFE thing for you to do!!!

I don't cry much. I'm a fairly assertive and happy person; a little brash at times, but only for the sake of good humor. But there are times like today, where the final straw is placed on the heavy laden bridge--resulting in a castastrophic crashing down of every single thing. That straw was laid down, today, by Nate.

YES! My most obvious thorn is homeschooling. I HATE HOMESCHOOLING MY SON!!! I just don't know if I can do it anymore!!! I so much want to quit. The kid will not get out of bed, and when he does, he moseys along, accomplishing very little in his school day. He has a total of six subjects to cover each day. He covers about an average of 3, which of course sets him farther and farther behind. Then he has to go to work at 2:00. Oh yea sure!!! He can go to work and make his frikking money to buy all his frikking toys and yet, he can't get up early enough in the morning to accomplish all of his school work. I AM PISSED!!!!

You should all know that I have been very sick this whole passed week. You don't even want to know the extent my ailments, but I will tell you that I've had the flu with mild-ish symptoms, enough to ensure that I couldn't lay in bed all day, but rather had to continue doing all the motherly things expected of me; all the while, feeling sicker than a dog. I'm still not all better, and I usually never get sick! So that PISSES ME OFF too!!!

Another aspect of my CRASH is about this upcoming week-long, winter break. We will be heading to Vermont for 3 days. You'd think I'd be happy and excited. No homeschooling.... a getaway to the mountains... But I'm NOT HAPPY AND FRIKKING EXCITED!!!! If it were just our family going... well, that would be something to look forward to, but NOOO! Since my husband decided to start a youth group back in January, I've known that a ski trip has been planned for the break. It's a Christian youth retreat, and we're taking twenty-two 7-12th graders to Vermont. I don't feel like explaining all my reasons, but I don't want to do this retreat! I don't want to drive. I don't want to deal with other people's kids. I don't want to figure out who's gonna take care of our dog while we're away. The truth is I've lost confidence about any impact I've ever had in a young persons life. I think I was fooling myself all those years of investing and investing. It's a devastating feeling. I don't want to do it anymore.

And so here I am... almost 40 years old. The last six years of my life have ended in a pile of rubble. I haven't been able to revisit or resurrect former friendships. It ends up being too complicated. Too many changes have taken place on the inside. Too much pain and hurt has to be waded through to get to level ground. I'm not so sure that's even possible anyway. And to make new friends at 40 is no easy task. I cherish my long-time, college friends... but those relationships are all long-distance. How about someone to just meet at Starbucks for coffee and a chat?? Where are those friends? I have sporatically attended the church (the one where Terry is running the youth group) for a year and a half with ONLY ONE invitation for a get together, and that was with the pastor and his wife. Not one other family has cared to get to know us. Why would I feel compelled to invest in their teenagers?? Some of these people were close friends in the past. (Oh yea, I had that one "get-together" last month which was a real sha-bang). How glorious!

Terry and I invested a solid 15 years in ministry and church leadership. All of our married years have been spent right smack in the middle of the whole Christian scene; caring for people, reaching out to those in need and praying, giving every ounce of our time to others, serving other leaders in reaching their dreams. It made us feel important; valuable to God. We constantly gave to everyone and enjoyed doing it. Our hearts were pure in the giving! (But honestly, people tend to like you only when you give all your energy to them. It's quite dysfunctional--but I won't get into that now). But what happens when the "giver" runs out of fuel? What happens when a leader needs to be cared for and tended to? What happens when someone needs to be loved just because they are a PERSON and not loved because of what they can offer? I feel discarded and forgotten. The people who knew us for all those ministry years and know where we are now... I cannot recall a time where one of those persons have asked the question: Hey, are you ok? I guess I'm such a terrifying creature... better steer clear!

When I was young I went where I wanted to go. Now that I'm "old" I'm being led to where I don't want to go. This is how life feels! Something is definitely out of whack in my life. I can't quite figure it out--so I "spewed" it all out there for everyone and anyone to see. I don't care! I figure this post is too long for people to make it through to the end anyway. If you did--cheers! Thanks for listening. You don't have to say anything. I could use prayer! I seriously wonder if anyone has thought to pray for me in a very long time! Just call me Debbie Downer.

Real Men Knit

The Last of the Birthdays for a While

Another beautiful masterpiece (har har). I can't believe I've made four birthday cakes, and a batch of cupcakes over the last 3 weeks. OK, I'm done for a while!!! Everyone HAPPY??!!

Nate's favorite birthday present of all--an alarm clock. Now its simply a matter of getting him to USE IT in the morning.

School Answering Machine

This is the message that the P***** P******** High School ( California ) staff voted unanimously to record on their school answering machine. This is [allegedly--I didn't check the sources, but thought it was funny] the actual answering machine message for the school, which came about because they implemented a policy requiring students and parents to be responsible for their children's absences and missing homework *gasp*. The school and teachers are being sued by parents who want their children's failing grades changed to passing grades - even though those children were absent 15-30 times during the semester and did not complete enough schoolwork to pass their classes[parents really crack me up].

The outgoing message:

"Hello! You have reached the automated answering service of your school. In order to assist you in connecting to the right staff member, please listen to all the options before making a selection:

* To lie about why your child is absent - Press 1

* To make excuses for why your child did not do his work- Press 2

* To complain about what we do - Press 3

* To swear at staff members - Press 4

* To ask why you didn't get information that was already enclosed in your newsletter and several flyer's mailed to you - Press 5

* If you want us to raise your child - Press 6

* If you want to reach out and touch, slap or hit someone -Press 7

* To request another teacher, for the third time this year -Press 8

* To complain about bus transportation - Press 9

* To complain about school lunches - Press 0

* If you realize this is the real world and your child must be accountable and responsible for his/her own behavior, class work, homework and that it's not the teachers' fault for your child's lack of effort: Hang up and have a nice day!

Natedog--The Valentine Baby

He's 14 years old today.

Here are the facts:
~ He's been claiming 14 for the last 16 months
~ He wants to become a professional snowboarder
~ He's handsome, no doubt
~ He's smart, but with a bit of a blonde streak
~ He's a good kid, and happy
~ He was called Nathanael for his first 3 years of life
~ He was called Nathan for his next 5 years
~ Now he's called Nate, or Natedog
~ He purchased another expensive snowboard this past weekend which brings his personal total to three.
~ He has about 7 coats that he's purchased all within the past 6 months.
~ A few years ago he pierced his own ear with an earring post
~ He has a love for teasing... his sisters, his brother, his friends, and the dog
~ He was the one who asked for a dog long before any of our other kids (probably so he could have another someone to tease)
~ He purchased his own flat screen HDTV for his room
~ He goes to work faithfully everyday after sleeping through his homeschool lessons
~ He loves to laugh and grin... and mock
~ He was my biggest baby, requiring 5 hours to push him out
~ He doesn't like to clean
~ He has a really hard time waiting to make a purchase when he wants something
~ He wants everything
~ He's beginning to come through that awful early-adolescent BOY phase that just kicks my butt every time
~ I love my boy young man and it's truly a joy to watch him grow up

HAPPY BIRTHDAY
Nathanael Charles!

A Turtle Story or Two

Last summer, my boys convinced me to take them to Great Adventure for the day. It's about a four hour drive. So we gathered some empty coke cans (from the yard, thanks to The Boy) for discounted tickets, loaded up the car with the neighborhood stragglers, and headed off to the coasters. We arrived before the gates were opened, so the crowds were gathering behind us. As soon as the gates opened it was like the start of a marathon. Everyone took off running to get to the front of the line for the newest coaster--which wasn't even open until about 12:30 later that day (what a rip off). After we had hit many fine rides, we were walking along a less traveled path away from the crowds. It was there, I noticed two very large turtles hanging out in their little man-made habitat. There we were, a mom with 5 teenage boys, checking out the huge turtles, when all of a sudden, the male turtle starts looking quite "hungry" for the female. Right then and there, he starts breathing heavy (for real) and climbs on the females back, making gutteral sounds and groaning and... you get the picture. It was gross!!! The boys were laughing and gawking and crowds of other teenagers were forming to laugh and gawk. I announced that the Biology 101 lecture would begin shortly. Sickos! They were all taking pictures and video clips with their cell phones.

So, this morning I was reminded of this story when "someone" emailed me a pornographic video clip--TURTLE PORN--a clip in which I thought was appropriate to give a shout out to my blogger friends, "Beware!" I didn't want you to be exposed unawares to this kind of violence... well... not unless you were interested... ok, here's the clip:

On the back roads of Turtleville


but don't say I didn't warn you!!

Bronx Beat

I have to admit, I get a kick out of SNL. Last night I saw a clip of the Bronx Beat for the first time and found it to be quite entertaining. It's the epitome of two Bronx Mamas hosting a talk show. Enjoy!

Euro-English

The European Union commissioners have announced that agreement has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five year phase-in plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish.

In the first year, "s" will be used instead of the soft "c". Sivil servants will reseive this news with joy. Also, the hard "c" will be replaced with "k". Not only will this klear up konfusion, but typewriters kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced by "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20 persent shorter.

In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful, and it would go.

By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" by "z" and "w" by "v". During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.

After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer. Ze drem vil finali kum tru!"

Hav a niz day. I nev u vud lik zis.

Joan Osborne 101

Click on the test to view it more closely.

Modest Swimwear

Whether you're a Muslim female, an Amish woman or an ultra-conservative Christian, I have found the perfect swimwear for you

(or your wives and daughters).

This beautifully made swimming costume has two lovely designs.

The Slim Fit

Pants are straight leg
Top falls at an approximate mid-thigh length

The Modest Fit

Pants are Boot leg
Top falls at an approximate knee length

To order your costume, simply post your full name, billing address and credit card number in the comment box. Don't forget to include the code on the back of the card.

Act now and get your order in time for Valetine's Day.

Child (UN)Friendly

I received my first "blogger gift" in the mail, thanks to Michelle A. of The Everyday Mom blog. She thought it would be a wonderful tool to use in my home schooling sessions. You can click on the picture to get a closer look.


Here are some examples:
A is for Ashtray
B is for Beer
C is for Condom
D is for Doo doo
E is for Exposed electrical wire
F is for Fingers on fire
G is for Glue
H is for Hot hot water shall I continue?

How about these:
L is for Lighter
M is for Matches
N is for Narcotics...

P is for Plastic bag (this is not a toy)

Oh yea...
R is for Roadkill

U is for Uganda

Just thought it was adorable! Thanks Michelle. You are one kool mama!

The Sixth Sense

Many of us are gifted with a sixth sense. The range of gifts are as vast as the oceans are wide, although... I've done absolutely no research on this. Actually, I'm making this up as I type. (I love making up theories the fit my insane personal experiences. It normalizes my life). So, my sixth sense is the ability to know... the estimated time of Aunt Flo's arrival (that's menstruation for those who don't get the Aunt Flo reference). Don't worry, I'm not going into any great detail!

I'm sure this is no special gift, because everyone around me can probably tell when I'm PMSy too! But I just wanted to put out one more tip for the men HAHAHA! (Nothing prompted this i.e. Terry having a slip-up. This merely has to do with needing a post for today).

If you happen to be watching this season's 24, think about the scene where Jack Bauer is giving his evil brother the famous "Jack Bauer torture". He's injecting 7 cc's of epnosine (I made that word up) right into his blood stream, trying to get the real information extracted from the lying basta... nevermind. It's been really intense!!

So what I'm saying is, the next time you see a woman flip a wig, consider this... approaching "that time of the month" is a very similar experience to undergoing the Jack Bauer torture! Some months can be as bad as being injected with 7 cc's of epnosine!!! A woman can be completely fine one moment and in the next moment she's being strapped into a chair and ejected with a torture treatment by her own body. In fractions of a second the blood stream carries the "epnosine" to the brain which sends messages to her entire body, telling it to quickly find the nearest machine gun and start shooting.

Here's the tip: You can stay ahead of the game with a calendar--BUT (very important)--if you are keeping track of a particular loved one's cycle--NEVER, I repeat, NEVER REFER HER TO IT, AS IF YOU KNOW HER CYCLE!!! This will infuriate, and you will surely die! Just keep track quietly and be extra sensitive for the entire week before Aunt Flo arrives! You don't want your kindness to appear suspicious! Gift giving is a lovely idea i.e. gifts of perfume, chocolate, flowers, gift certificates, a night out to dinner, etc. this is like the kindness Jack Bauer compassionately displayed; holding his brother during the pain surge of the 7 cc's!! (This isn't considered a "spoiler" is it?)

Ok. Does this help? And men, if your lady is pregnant or has a brand new baby--good luck with all THAT!!! It's a mine field.

Bad Neighbor-kids

I have decent neighbors! For the most part. But... one neighbor has a BAD kid. let's name him The Boy. He's about 17 or 18 now; high school drop-out, mostly unemployed (although he presently has a job a Kmart--woohoo), drinker, stoogie smoker, drug-user, loser kind-of-kid. Sorry people, but let me recount his ways...

I've spent many-a former day reaching out to him; praying for him. He was always highly disrespectful, with an occasional shade of that child-like need for acceptance, hidden beneath his mountainous distain for all authority. He would hang out in our driveway with my boys and other neighborhood kids, and go right into our garage without asking, to grab something out of our frig i.e. a juice box reserved for school lunches, a can of soda which would be rare for us to have, a bottle of beer at his young age of 15, or a Mike's Hard Lemonade which we refuse to purchase anymore. He'd grab chips off the top of the frig whenever he so desired. One time I found two bottles of tequila wrapped up in his cousin's sweatshirt, sitting up against the side of our house. He probably stole them from the restuarant up the street and thought he could get away with hiding them in our yard. NOPE!

There was a brief time that he began coming into our home along with the other neighbor kids. We were suspicious and yet... open to the idea that we could positively influence him. WRONG! He introduced my boys to smoking MARIJUANA!!! out behind our house on the trail--the boys being 11 AND 13 YEARS OLD!!!! At least his mom had the decency to come and talk to me, as well as send The Boy down to Costa Rica to stay with other family members for 6 months. (I know, I know--all you moms need to take a moment to recover. It took me a few years!!! The act of opening your home to those around you can be a slippery slope).

So, on The Boy's 16th birthday, while his mom and step-dad were away, he had a party. He hired a DJ and moved all the furniture into the garage and padlocked it safely away. The party was not too loud until around 11 PM. Terry and I were going to bed when we suddenly heard a lot of noise out in our driveway (we share driveways). Someone was getting the snot knocked out of him. We could see out our window that there were about 50 drunk, under-aged people standing around cheering on the fight. Then they started running across the street, into the woods and returning with large sticks and rocks!!! There was going to be a total brawl!!! I was sooooo angry. I called the cops and they told me they weren't going to send anyone because of the safety issues of the officers--WHA???? I was ready to go out there myself and break it up! My son told me that The Boy told him, earlier in the day, to keep his parents (us) cool, cuz he was having a little party.

Anyway, the cops did finally come after the brawl died down--I'm so impressed [insert smirk]. The next day I heard that there were about 80 people in the house, and holes were kicked in the walls and everyone was drugged out. My neighborhood!!!

So what brings this all back to mind? The idiot Boy has a very bad habit that he acquired after being in Coast Rica. He has repeatedly thrown his garbage over the fence into our yard. He throws is in his own yard as well, but it burns me up to see it tossed over the fence into ours. We usually toss it right back [but ohhhh the frustration]. Their yard looks like a dump--at least where The Boy has his friends park. Today, after a few days of blustery wind, there were about 20 empty soda and beer cans throughout my backyard... and stoogie boxes.

I'm thinking I might line the cans up on the fence and do a little rifle paintball target practice. I'll wait until The Boy and his friends are parked just on the other side!!!!

Shower Wars

Every day it's the same thing. My life revolves around the needs of my kids. I get just a little time on the computer without interruption... only after Caleigh gets on the bus at 8:15... and by 8:30 I begin the wake-up routine for Nate (and believe me when I say it's a "routine"). On a lucky day, he'll get up by 8:45--lucky to avoid my wrath! It's not unusual for him to bring his blankey into the family room and start sleeping on the couch again plugging away, diligently on his school work, keeping toasty warm. [insert sappy grin]

By 1:30, he usually saunters out of the room, leaving his books everywhere to hop in the shower. I figure that he should be done showering by 1:40 and that's when I hop into the other shower. But NOOOOO!!! He's never out in only 10 minutes!!! (I must be joking myself)! Anyway, once I turn the water on upstairs is when... the shower wars begin. It's a war for the hot water.

Two people can shower at the same time and have moderately warm water--nothing to shiver about, but we obviously all like our showers HOT! STEAMY HOT! When the downstairs shower is on I have to turn my upstairs shower nozzle hotter than usual. I'll get a nice hot stream after a few minutes, but then I'll hear that change in the water pipes, and notice the water temp. getting chilly... AGHghghh, Nate just turned his shower hotter. OK--turn just a little more to the left... there we go... ahhh, yes. Doh! getting colder... And back and forth it goes. COME ON NATE!!! You've already been in there for 15-20 minutes. Let me have a turn ...a little more to the left... and... VICTORY!! His shower went off--the water pressure gets stronger, the temperature gets hotter, hotter--OUCH! Hot!! Really HOT!!! to the right, to the right--owwww cold, cold, coOLD---to the left! TO THE LEFT... just a little... wait for it... wait... there! Ahhhhhh... perfect! I deserve another ten minutes.

Manly stuff and more...

OK! Who watched the superbowl last night starting from the National Anthem??? Did anyone happen to see... THE PERFORMER??? Woohoo!!! GO Terry!!! Billy has Terry do a lot of stand-in work for him. Some of our own kids were really wondering--cuz he told them he took a flight down and back the night before to "prerecord" so that he could be home to watch the game with us. The biggest question was, "Dad, does your voice really sound like that? Sing something." (It was a lip-sync, of course).

Anyway--about the game... It was a little horrifying when the Bears scored a TD on the first kickoff OF THE GAME!!! The whole first quarter was scary! And the pouring rain for the entire night... but then, by the 2nd quarter Peyton Manning got his team into a rhythm and systematically outbeat those Bears yard after yard after yard. It was one of the most nicely executed games I've seen in a long time. Woohoo!!

The food was good. We made 5 feet of Italian heros just for our family (and one extra--a teenager who can put it away) and finished them off after an hour, minus 3 small pieces. Luke ate hot jalapenas all night long--guess who's complaining this morning? Actually, I think everyone had their fair share of indigestion. The room was filled with "poisonous fumes" last night. You could even see a cloud! I don't think I'll share details--I'll just clarify that it wasn't anything you'd want to inhale!!!

On another note... Jen and Dave gave birth to a superbowl baby last night. TOUCHDOWN! Hooray for Jen and welcome to Haven--the little colt. He's cute and that's all I know.

(HELP FOR MEN) Don't End Up in the Doghouse

A request has been made for more inspiring and life-changing "kool daze" insights and truths, which I offer together with the help of my husband aka Billy Joel and Uncle Mitch aka The Heretic (jk jk). This goes out to the multitude of male readers that visit my blog on a regular basis *smirk*. These truths will surely and effectively help you to remain far, far away from the cold, dank, cob-webbed doghouse where a family of chipmunks have now taken up residence.

*Sidenote: Terry never ever says any of the things I'm about to list, AND we never fight! And... he does read this blog, regardless of the fact that you will never see a comment typed by his own pretty fingers--forget about a "guest" post! This is as close as we're gonna get people!!

Things you should never say about her body appearance and/or apparel:

"Honey, have you been gaining weight?"
"Are you sure you want another helping?"
"Hey, that treadmill sure is lonely these days"
"Um, your wearing THAT?!!"
"You're hair could use a little maintenance," and if you are ever stupid enough to say this last line, DO NOT use the little finger-thingy quotes for the word 'maintenance.'

Things you should never say while arguing:

"You sound just like your mother!"
"Where'd you get that idea, from the Great Oprah?!"
"Hey wait... are you possibly pms-ing?"
"Can we pick this up later? The game is on now!"
[with a chuckle] "Sorry, I was just picturing you naked."

Things you should never say about housework:

"Soooo... what have YOU done all day?"
"When's the last time those stairs have been vacuumed, cuz the dust bunnies have come to visit?"
"Hey, that treadmill sure is collecting dust these days"
Yelling to her from the kitchen, "Honey, the dishwasher's done."

Things teenagers should never say to their mother:

"...well, you can't stop me anyway!"

And finally... don't ever say:

"Who are you kidding? We both know that thing ain't loaded."

Influencing Children Positively

Uncle Mitch always has a godly influence on our children!!


(I did the expert cinematography here--thank you very much)

And this clip is a demonstration of how to gently let your children in on the falacy of the easter bunny.

Happy Birthday, Caleigh! SURPRISE!

And happy Ground Hog Day! This morning we woke up to snow. My internet was out all morning too. Caleigh was happy about the snow, but not so appreciative of the two hour delay for school. She was to be the birthday princess all day, so who'd want to miss that?

We miss those summer days roasting marshmallows over the little weber, out in Kim and Mike's back yard.

But Caleigh was prepared for winter once the first cold snap hit (only last week). She's a goofball.

See what I mean?

We used to always combine Elizabeth and Caleigh's party, but all good things come to an end. Caleigh asked for a "surprise party" this year. hahaha--so we're going to surprise her on Sunday. Sssshhhhh, don't tell!

We DO love the beach!




Caleigh's new hair cut!






She may be five, but she's still a sleeper!

The Guilty Pleasures of Blogging

My husband knows me well. The other day I was complaining to him about feeling so stressed out--like ALL the time. The conversation went a little like this...

[fade to earlier scene... aaaaand ACTION]

Me: I feel so busy that I can't even think straight. Ahhh, I hate feeling this way. I've been trying to consider what I can scale down or cut out of my routine, but the only things I can reasonably cut out are the things that give me a personal outlet--a recharge. IT'S SO UNFAIR!!!!!

Terry: Like what things?

Me: Well, I'm stuck with the homeschooling thing until the end of the year. Nate needs a ride to work AND home everyday [*@%$^#*%$]. I have my PTO reponsibilities, which seem to be increasing on a daily basis--I'm such a sucker! The kids need their things taken care of... yada yada yada, so that only leaves MY THINGS: exercise class, practicing the piano, choral society, and... [duh duh duh duuuuuuuh] blogging!!!!

Terry: Oh NO no no. You can't eliminate blogging!

[And CUT!]

I don't know if he was serious or sarcastic, but I think he was serious. (People believe what they want to, right)? But really, it's like a blessing to a man, for his woman to get some of those 20,000 words out with others, before he comes on the scene and gets an overload of chatter, chatter, chatter. For some its more like 50,000....

Anyway, what is it about blogging? What makes us come back over and over again? Why do we feel guilty when we've spent so much time sitting at the computer that our back muscles are now cramping?

Well, I want to share some of the benefits I receive from blogging and then go to some comments I've already received about this issue.


Benefits for me:

• The Practice of Writing which has always been therapuetic for me. I get my daily therapy by blogging and its free.
• Companionship Interacting with others gives me some friendship-connection that, quite honestly, I don't have time for right here in my present location. (Everyone is so busy with their lives--probably blogging--haha)
• Laughs and Smiles I am totally humored and amazed with others' creativity and story-telling (which could easily become a lost art if it weren't for blogging)
• Keeping in Touch I was an avid letter writer in those early days of my life, then I was an avid emailer, but now I've moved onto blogging. I find that its much quicker and more informative to read a friends blog and they mine, than these other methods--I hate talking on the phone! The hours I have spent on the phone have been enough for a lifetime.
• Personal Space I'm not always feeling upbeat. I don't always have the energy to give to another needy friend, but in the blogging world it feels like a shared responsibility where I am not the only one that can have the right thing to say at the right time. We can all be there to encourage at different times, when we are able. We can all take some space when we are not able, and no one (almost no one anyway) will get personally offended if you don't say something for each and every situation. Some things are better left unsaid.
• Reading I enjoy reading, and won't give up reading books and magazines, but when I read my friends' blogs I feel like I'm connecting with real people, rather than going into my own world via a book. I love interacting and reading with others. That's just me!
• Recording Memories I feel like my posts are things I can go back to in the future to recall events and happenings that I may have never remembered later on in life.

So... here are some comments from readers of this blog:

I have some issues with the whole blogging thing. I check everyones blogs everyday (sometimes multiple times) but sometimes I don't have anything to say so I feel like a slacker. I wish there was a way for people to know that you are reading without posting. I hate commenting or posting when I feel I have nothing to say. ~kim

The way I look at this... if I have nothing to say, then its totally fine to just read and not comment. Someone else will most likely have something to say. If no one has anything to say, it probably wasn't the type of post that warranted any comments. Furthermore, if I read someone's blog daily and enjoy commenting when I have something to say, that person should basically know that I've visited and read... or will be visiting soon. There shouldn't be an expectations... I need to do things out of a place in me that is really the essence of who I am and not just the person that others expect me to be.

My hubby says I've developed a blog obsession but honestly I know more about you than some of my close friends--sad I know. ~michelle f.

I'm not sure that too many people are comfortable with being an open book. I've always been a bit of an open book--sometimes a little too much. I try not to be too unwise about it... but there is something about writing that gives me greater opportunity to express myself; to learn about who I really am. I can take the time I need, to communicate a thought or story, and not have to worry about the wrong words flying out of my mouth. I like having the option to edit.

My posts are too long--I need to learn how to condense and summarize. Oh well! (124 minutes).