What Motivates You?

I am feeling a bit unmotivated, since this past week or so. Ever have those times? You're cooking along and finding success and joy in the work and suddenly everything shifts. I've talked about how this happens for me in my line of theater work. I'm still busy with two new productions,  and usually when I'm moving at a fast pace I stay pretty motivated, but for some unknown (and other known) reasons, I'm struggling to turn it on full throttle. Actually, no. That's not completely true. I launched in full throttle to both productions. I've laboring to prepare and organize, excited to work on the next new thing.

So, why have I started to find my motivation being sucked out of me? Let's think about it. Maybe you can make your own list when you find yourself struggling.

What motivates me...

Working with and teaching people (of any age) who are genuinely eager to focus on a task together.

Being with people who take what I give and give something back in return. But equally in the reverse order: being with people who give me something, which I receive, and in return take what I give. The give-and-take relationship motivates me a lot. Its that mutual appreciation that human beings share which ranks high on my list of core values.

I love when I see people being awakened to the concept of sharing their energy. For example, while acting on stage together, and I put out my interpretation/expression of the thing I wish to communicate and then you say yes to it, giving me something back of equal value, equally energized. This happens with acting but also with music, dance, art, writing, humor, etc.

I'm also motivated by someone else's hard work and success. I get drawn in. I love to cheer people on; show my support; give my attention; acknowledge the "graduations" of life; celebrate the victories.

What robs my motivation...

Being around people who just don't care.

Being under-appreciated for my time and effort.

Being around people who act like what they are doing is a waste of time. (If its a waste of your time then don't do it, and especially don't join me in what I'm doing with that kind of attitude).

Being around people who only care about themselves, and indicate that only their own interests are important.

A lack of communication or simply being misunderstood, based on differing communication styles.

People who are super needy and allow their insecurities to come out sideways.


I'm not sure what's going on lately. I've been hit with sad news from a handful of different people in my life which weighs me down with waves of emotion. I want to help. I want to fix. I want to communicate. But I'm reduced to prayer--which is probably the best thing I could do anyway. I was recently struck by a certain "old annoyance" that sometimes rears its ugly head. That trigger-issue has to run its course, because its not something I can change. I have to deny myself the right to be angry or judgmental. If I truly want to walk in love, I have to be patient and trust God. The struggle is real.

And then, this all leaves me to wonder if the planets' alignment has been doing a number on all of us recently--haha. Maybe its just me.

Hoping for a better week and a productive month!!

Theater Tales | What I Did and Didn't Know When I Was Young

Music directing for stage productions is a very good fit for me. I did not see that coming!!!

Middle School

My first time participating in a full musical production was in my 7th grade at the middle school. At least, that's the first one I really remember. I was cast in the ensemble and soon after, was assigned a minor, minor role. It was my first time having a libretto, or getting real choreography and being costumed, or doing a show with a live orchestra pit. I got a kick out of the whole thing. The show was Bye Bye Birdie and I LOVED the experience. (I also remember getting a major crush on the pit drummer who was a sophomore in high school--I'm sure the crush continued on for 3 years).

My next experience came soon after--maybe the summer leading into 8th grade. This program was open to a broader age group and I am pretty sure it was directed, and choreographed by real theater professionals. The show was a Broadway revue and WOW I loved that whole experience, also. My favorites were songs from West Side Story, Godspell, Hair, and Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum (favs because I was in them--haha). I had an ensemble role, but they liked having me on hand because I was very skilled in reading music and singing harmonies and filling in wherever needed. I just didn't have a strong solo voice, but I could dance, and I had "great" stage presence and could help anyone who struggled with singing parts because of my piano skills.

My third experience was also at the same theater doing a production of The Boyfriend. Another great great time where I actually had a slightly bigger role as Dulcie, and they allowed my character to speak with a lisp and a British accent. HAHA. Its funny how this show was not quite as memorable for me. Probably because I didn't have as much time to see everything else that was happening on stage. I had my own lines and songs and character role to worry about. Plus, 8th grade is a very hormonal stage in a girl's life. I do remember having a smoking-hot red asian-style dress (from pictures).

High School

Ninth grade was the high school production of Brigadoon. Ensemble again for me. Not very memorable.

Tenth grade. We did On the Town. Ensemble. Plus a small monologue. Memorable and fun, but still I had a small part so I didn't really grasp much and I mostly remember my crazy, rollercoaster, emotional life during that production. I was not exactly behaving at that point.

Tenth grade class play competitions--SOOO HILARIOUS! Very memorable.  Other things I was involved with--ShowChoir. Very memorable. I had small roles in everything I did, but I my parts were not unimportant. I'm not sure whether I realized any of that then--probably not. I do remember that my personality had a similar effect then as it has now, which tends to bring the happy, crazy, fun atmosphere most of the time, along with occasional bouts of "steam and frustration." (Those angry rants were WAY worse as a teenager, so be glad if you know me now instead of then).

Leading into my eleventh grade I moved from NY to TN and had a whole new experience with music. MARCHING BAND! My new school, Ripley High, was the marching band Mid-south champs for several years in a row and they/we were really good! Memorable. And chorus competitions!! I ended up being scouted to become the chorus accompanist which I LOVED! (This Yankee girl was a mystery to everyone). Becoming the accompanist was a great opportunity, and little did I know than, a needed piece for my future.  Show choir was awesome. We did this whole performance from Michael Jackson's Thriller album and I got to dance with boys. haha However, Ripley had nothing happening in the theater department my junior year.

In Twelfth grade, My two favorite teachers decided to produce a play and I was cast as the lead role. Wha?!! Up the Down Staircase. Ever hear of it? I got the LEAD!!! Honestly, I knew very little about acting, but I had some natural talent and decent stage presence. It was a memorable and scary experience. Sadly, I don't think anyone video taped it. I've only ever seen a few photos, to help maintain a vague picture of things in my mind's eye. I wish I could look back on some of these events. Cell phones and social media has turned our world upside down. It's weird to think of how it used to be.

College

At college, because I was very immersed in my classical music training (piano and voice) and my spiritual life... and my social life, I wasn't very aware of any theater program on campus until my second and third year! My voice teacher, along with her husband were the heads of the opera department, but I was in no way an opera singer. I left my vocal lessons crying and deflated just about every week.  I did not have the physicality or basics in my "tool belt" to sing the way she was trying to teach me which was very frustrating. I disliked my voice. It was weak and breathy and small. But somehow, I was always a section leader in my choirs because I was excellent at reading music and harmonizing and my tone and pitch were great for blending. I had strengths, but they weren't helping me be a great solo singer.

I auditioned for music ministries the end of my freshman year and didn't get into the summer program. I'm sure I cried about that. Lots of disappointments and reality checks. The second summer I bypassed music ministries and went straight to the missions program and ended up going to India for two months with a team of 12 students. Best experience of my life. We were a music/drama team and I can't even begin to tell you what an incredible adventure that was. POWERFUL!!

Near the end of my junior year, after my big junior piano recital, I auditioned for a student-directed show: Snoopy, the Musical. I was cast as Lucy. I had also auditioned for music ministries and suddenly was faced with making a decision between the two because, the rehearsals conflicted. Sometimes I regret not doing the musical, but I choose the spiritual thing(music ministries) and traveled much of the northwest US and Canada all summer in a van with a great group of students. But truly, I missed being in INDIA all summer long!! side note: my future husband was the one leading the India mission team that same summer (another big story to tell some other time). I missed my piano. I missed the whole summer of preparing for upcoming my senior recital. And I regretted the fact that I missed some opportunities which set me back in ways I didn't foresee, but nothing that upset the entire course of my future. That was still going to happen--in whatever way it would.

Life

All of my growing up, and my growing pains helped shape me into who I am today. Here I am, almost  50, and I'm doing something I would never have guessed in all of those younger years. Music directing for stage productions is a very good fit for me. I did not see that coming!!! I totally enjoy it and I'm pretty good at it. I like teaching music. I like shaping characters and being part of a production team. People are my absolute favorite thing on earth. And I kind of understand the psychology of theater, especially in school settings and the community theater settings. So, that makes the position fit me even better.

Musical theater can be tough. Sometimes its brutal on the self-confidence. But the lessons we learn can be our best friend. Getting cast or not getting cast; having a lead role or winding up in the chorus--once again; It can feel very personal.

But here's a tip or two: Get to know yourself. Get to know your skill level. Make improvements by taking lessons or classes or (hello) by practicing! Get to know the types of roles you could actually pull off in a believable way. Study the field by attending other shows and watching things on youtube. Video tape yourself, so you can see/hear what the audience sees/hears. Put together an audition book with songs and monologues that are good for you, so you'll be ready when an audition pops up. Get to know the important things about casting, and a director's point of view... it makes all the difference.

Growth can't rushed either. So embrace life as it comes. Do your best always, but don't sweat the disappointments for long. There will always be a future with fulfilling and satisfying experiences, but only if you embrace life honestly. Search for the truth in everything.

God knows your future and what you were created for. Ask Him about it. #lovinglife