
I don't know how it happens. I'll be moving along in my somewhat mundane, but unbelieveably active life... when suddenly, I'll feel... *duh duh duh duuuuuuh*...
discouragement! Of course, discouragement comes to plague my soul for a variety of reasons. Truth be told, it can sometimes be based on hormones.... [selah]. I'm actually thankful when that's the case, because I am aware enough to know that the hormones will pass in a matter of days and even hours... or minutes (amazingly enough). It's those other times--like now--that make life a true challenge.
Some of the simplier reasons for discouragement are when it stems from being
exhausted... or even better, from being
hungry. I say it's simplier because those things can be easily remedied. I can grab a power nap or make something good to eat when I'm desperate. Things become a bit more difficult, when discouragement stems from being overwelmed, over-scheduled, and under-appreciated. I've been known, at times, to spread myself way too thin. Sometimes I forget that I have six children, (which is a lot of work, btw). Sometimes I feel disappointed that I actually do have a limited capacity--as does everyone else in this world.
Discouragement
can be due to true personal failure, but many times it's the
illusion of personal failure. Take it from me, parenting teens can make any fine parent feel like a
complete failure. (It's also very wearying to be in that stage of parenting little ones! Or being pregnant!!! God knows I've been through those days over and over and over and over etc, again. And yet, those memories actually fade rather quickly). But parenting teenagers is a whole new division of the league.
Anyway, I'm wondering how the people at school
i.e. the principal, and other teachers, know exactly when something is bothering me. Is it
that obvious? I literally entered the school today, thinking, "Ok Karen, don't forget to put on your smile. It takes more energy to frown than to smile. Cheerio!"
Ok, so I didn't say 'cheerio' or the thing about the muscles--but I did coach myself to smile. But, it didn't work! Everyone I spoke with seemed to know that I was NOT a happy camper. (I guess it's a good thing, to know that I'm close enough with the people at school that they can put their arm around me and usher me into their room for a chat. That's community.)
I am burdened.
I am overwelmed.
I have taken on a lot more than I can chew.
I want to do my part.
...but
when am I crossing the line? ...when am I doing
more than what I can reasonably do? I'm fine for most things that I involve myself with, but it's when my kids are screwing up, that it feels like everything, suddenly, is way more than what I can handle. I get angry. I get upset. It shows visibly on my face... and, in essence,
I wear my heart on my sleeve.
Does the world stop turning when things aren't quite right on the homefront? Am I rendered
immobile just because I sense that something isn't quite right with one (or more) of my kids??
It's very difficult to juggle all the things that are before me. I really need to sense God's presence and comfort over me. I need to trust. I need to believe. I need to let go... everything will be alright. Right?